Wanheda returns - Rex_dex - The 100 (TV) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

„Don’t do this“

She isn’t sure if it’s the desperation or anguish that makes her chest constrict in painful aches.

„I’m sorry Clarke, I have to do what’s best for my people“, Lexa turns to go, praying to Keryon that nobody sees the way her jaw tenses and hands clench. She turns back to Clarke after a few steps.

„May we meet again“

——

Clarke couldn’t say how long she looked at Lexas retreating form, seemingly frozen where she stood. Lexas words kept repeating in her mind, what’s best for her people.

A tingling sensation from her hand snapped Clarke back into reality and as she looks at her hand, she finds a fresh looking scar there, that had disappeared weeks prior when Lexa had gently kissed her hand. Her heart clenches, a soulmate should bring healing, not reopen old wounds.

The realization of what this meant - that Lexa really had left, that Lexa didn’t care (never had?) - struck her like a blow. With a heavy breath, Clarke turns away from the sight of her reappeared scar, fixing her gaze on the mountain, a cold resolve settling within her bones. She knew what she had to do. Just like Lexa, she’d do what’s best for her people, no matter the cost.

She scans the mountain for a while, trying to think of a way to get inside, before she decides that the best way would be through the Reaper tunnels.

Hopefully they’re empty she thinks, before she tracks through them, slowly making her way into Mount Weather. Internally she goes through the plan. Get Dante Wallace as an incentive for Cage to let her people go. Go through the control centrum to hopefully disarm the missiles so nobody can endanger Skaikru when they leave the mountain. Its a half baked horror of a plan, she knows that. A part of her whispers that its all Lexas fault, that their plan would’ve worked and everything would’ve been fine. She tells it to shut up. That existential crisis can come after.

To say she was surprised how easily she got into the mountain would’ve been an understatement. Alas it probably made sense considering that the maunon thought the grounders had retreated, and going in there on her own was simply foolish of Clarke. She smiled bitterly at that thought.

As she makes her way through the deathly silent bunker, she tries to remember the schematics she had studied rigorously while they were planning the ambush. 5 floors down is the dinner hall, that’s where most people would be at that moment. Dante would probably be somewhere around his office, she concluded, making her way there. Thankfully she was right. She found him pacing in the room. She saw a radio on his desk, probably to talk to Cage and Doctor Tsing. She ducked behind a wall, giving herself some time to think. The cages were empty and she had no idea where exactly Cage was, except that he and his guards were most likely with the rest of Skaikru. If she could figure out where those Maunon who supported their cause were that’d be great.

Just as she was about to confront Dante, she saw a movement from the corner of her eyes. There was Monty, thin and pale, but standing right in front of her.

„Clarke?“ He whispered, the sound echoing in the hall.

„Monty“ she replied „Oh my god Monty you’re okay“, she hugged him.

„Yeah. I’m good. Whats going on, I saw the grounders leave but all of our people are still in medical? And Jasper and Bellamy are with the innocent people, trying to protect them. Last I saw Cage send some of his guards to deal with them.“

She curses silently at that. „Listen, we need to get Dante and get into the command centre. Do you have a way to contact the others?“

Monty held up the radio he’d been holding onto. „Yeah, alright that’s perfect, go ahead and make sure its empty i’m right behind you“

As Monty hurried towards the control room, Clarke found herself standing just a few feet away from Dante, her heart pounding in her chest. She could hear murmurs emanating from the radio on his desk, voices she recognized all too well—Cage and Tsing. Their words sent a chill down her spine as they outlined their ruthless plans: unleashing missiles on the surrounding clans, using Reapers as a defensive barrier, after finishing drilling into the captured Skaikru.

Dante's expression tightened with every word, a mixture of disbelief and despair etched across his features. He tried to reason with Cage, to dissuade him from this path of destruction, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. Clarke watched as Dante's hands clenched into fists, his face lined with anguish as he realized his son's determination to carry out this heinous plan.

When the conversation finally ended, Clarke seized the opportunity to act. With determined steps, she closed the distance between herself and Dante, her hand steady as she raised the gun to his head. His eyes widened in shock as he looked up at her, a mixture of fear and resignation in his gaze.

"Come with me, Dante," Clarke commanded, her voice firm despite the turmoil raging within her. She didn't have time to contemplate the gravity of her actions; all she knew was that she had to stop Cage and protect her people at any cost.

As they made their way towards the control room, Clarke kept a watchful eye on their surroundings, her senses heightened with adrenaline. Surprisingly, the corridors were devoid of guards, though they were rather occupied with other matters—Bellamy, Jasper, and the innocent Mountain Men.

Upon reaching the control room, Clarke locked the door behind them, her gaze sweeping over the screens that displayed scenes of agony and despair. Her heart clenched at the sight of her friends and allies being subjected to unspeakable horrors.

Dante's voice broke through her reverie, his words laced with resignation. "There's nothing you can do, Clarke. You should leave."

But Clarke refused to back down, her determination unwavering. "I won't abandon my people, Dante" she retorted, her voice tinged with defiance.

Turning to the radio, Clarke reached out to Cage, her tone resolute. „Be smart about this, Cage. Let my people live, and your father lives," she proposed, her grip tightening on the gun.

Cage's scoff echoed through the radio, his arrogance palpable. But Clarke knew she had to make him understand the consequences of his actions, even if it meant resorting to drastic measures.

In a moment of desperation, Clarke silenced Dante's protests with a single gunshot, the sound echoing through the room. On the screen, she can see Cages face distort in anguish, and a part of her is overcome by guilt. She quickly shakes it off, instead turning to Monty, her voice tinged with desperation.

"Can we flood the mountain with radiation?" she asked, her stomach churning at the thought of the lives that would be lost.

Monty's expression mirrored her own anguish, but he nodded grimly, his fingers flying across the keyboard as he initiated the process. As she was waiting for Monty to finish the job, she could only watch as the soldiers got closer to breaching the door, as Cage pulled Raven and her mother onto the tables to get drilled into.

„Cage I swear, if you don’t let them go I’ll irradiate the mountain“, she promises, voice filled in righteous anger and despair.

The man laughs - almost manic - and as he lifts his radio to answer, she can hear screams of agony ringing through. He puts the radio down again before any answer leaves his mouth. The girl sighs in defeat.

„Listen, Cage. I don’t want anyone else to die. Stop the drilling and let my people go.“

With guards pounding on the door, time was running out. Clarke's gaze flickered to the screens one last time, her heart heavy with sorrow for the lives that would be lost. Monty had stopped working the controls, looking at her expectantly.

„Are you done?“ He nods, gesturing at a lever. „All you have to do is pull it“, he promises.

Her gut felt like it was churning, making her nauseous at the prospect of what she set to do. The radio crackled.

„I’m saving my people, Clarke“ The blondes eyes closed.

Victory stands on the back of sacrifice, she can nearly hear Lexas voice whisper in her ear.

Her hand itched to the lever.

I bear it so they don’t have to, Dante had said.

She lifts the radio once more. „So am I“.

What felt like hours later, Clarke still stood in the room, hand not having left the lever though it felt like it was burning her skin. Her eyes were stuck on the screens displaying the burnt bodies of the maunon, Jasper holding Mayas wrecked body, Raven and her mother lying on the beds in medical, clearly in pain from the torture they’d been subjected to.

„Clarke?“ Bellamys voice came through the radio, „we should go“.

Had she been standing there for that long? Probably. She turns to face Monty.

„Can you seal it?“ She asks, though her voice seems strangely distant to her. „The mountain, I mean. Make it so nobody can get in“.

Monty nods his head, „Yeah, that shouldn’t take long. Give me like 10 minutes“. As he gets to work she takes the radio.

„Were just finishing everything in here, well be with you in 20. Can you start making sure that everybody is ready to leave?“ She asks him. It was strange how numb she felt. „Yeah, I’ll do that“, Bellamys voice sounds slightly static over the radio,.

„Don’t take too long though, I want to get the f*ck out of here“ yeah, not just you she thinks, but doesn’t reply. Clarke lets her eyes roam over the room, checking if there’s anything they might need, before Monty pulls her out of her thoughts.

„I could put the systems on lockdown, but that way anyone with some decent hacking skills could always get them up and running again. I could instead administer you as Dante Wallaces successor? According to the files, none of the systems were ever officially swapped from Dante to Cage. That way only you would have a way to get in. And considering that Im pretty sure you’ll never want to be back here that’s as safe as we’ll get.“

With a nod from her, Monty started reprogramming the security systems of Mount Weather. Clarke stood by his side, her mind clouded with the echoes of her recent actions, but her resolve firm with the task. Her mind was screaming. She told it to shut up. With deft fingers, Monty manipulated the controls, disabling key cards and voice commands. Clarke watched in silence, her expression unreadable as she contemplated the weight of her actions. Finally, Monty completed his work, a sense of finality shrouding them. Clarke was now the sole arbiter of access to Mount Weather.

As they prepared to depart, Clarke cast one last lingering glance at the desolate halls of Mount Weather, a silent promise to never again allow such horrors to befall her people. With Monty by her side, she stepped out into the fading light, her thoughts consumed by what was yet to come. Little did she know, the trials that awaited her beyond the confines of Mount Weather would test her resolve like never before.

As they began their trek back to Arcadia, the guilt bore down on her like a leaden cloak. The once vibrant hues of the forest seemed muted, the chirping of birds distant and hollow. Each step she took felt heavier than the last, burdened by the enormity of the choices she had been forced to make. The journey was shrouded in silence, broken only by the occasional rustle of leaves beneath their feet. Clarke couldn't bring herself to meet the accusing gazes of her fellow Sky People, their silent condemnation tangible.

You are a monster the gazes told her.

She couldn’t argue with them, felt their judgment like a knife twisting in her gut, their unspoken questions and hate echoing in her mind.

As they trudged through the dense forest, Jasper's eyes, usually bright with mischief, now still red-rimmed, burned with a fierce intensity as he turned to Clarke.

"You know what, Clarke? I used to think you were different. But you're not. You're just like them," he spat, his voice laced with venom.

Clarke flinched, her heart sinking as she braced herself for his accusations.

"You killed her, Clarke. You killed Maya," Jasper's voice cracked with raw pain. “She trusted us, and you betrayed her. You murdered her just like you murdered all those people. There were innocent ones, children!“

Each word felt like a dagger to Clarke's chest, her guilt threatening to consume her. "Jasper, I didn't mean to, I just had to“ "Save our people, right?"

Jasper interrupted, his laughter bitter and hollow. "Well, congratulations, Clarke. You saved them all right. You saved them from ever trusting you again.“ Tears welled up in Clarke's eyes "I never wanted to hurt them.“ "But you did, Clarke!" Jasper's voice broke, his anger giving way to sorrow. "You destroyed everything. You destroyed her.“

"I'm sorry, Jasper," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the sounds of the forest. "I'm so sorry.“

But Jasper's gaze remained cold and unforgiving as he turned away, leaving Clarke alone with her guilt.

By the time they reached Arcadia, the sun had dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the settlement. Clarke lingered at the back of the group, unable to face the others with the weight of her sins.

"Hey, Clarke," Bellamy greeted softly, as he realized she wasn’t following the rest into the metal settlement.

They stood in uneasy silence for a moment, as Clarke didn’t answer. Bellamy resisted the urge to pry, knowing that some wounds ran too deep for words to heal.

„I could really do with a drink. You coming?“ He offers instead, gesturing towards camp.

Clarke hesistated for a moment, before gently shaking her head. "I... I think I need some time alone, Bellamy.“

His expression softened „I’m sure we can get you a private room for tonight“.

Looking at her, he knows that’s not what she meant. She knows he’s aware of it too. They stood there for a while, before Bellamy breaks the silence again.

„Where will you go?“ The blonde shrugs. „Everywhere“.

„Are you coming back?“

She wants to say yes. Promise she’ll only be gone for a short while, a week or two.

It’d be a lie and they both know it. Instead, she offered him a hollow smile and a terse farewell before slipping away into the night.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Clarke had no idea where to go. All she knew was that she needed to get far, far away from anything and anyone. As she was walking she found herself stumbling over roots and bushes. Her mind was screaming, the numbness from earlier gone, replaced by thousands of voices haunting her as she tried to run away.

„I helped you, you killed me when I helped you“ Maya screamed, „you should’ve found a better way, its your fault we died“, „I loved you, I trusted you!“ , the voices build a devastating symphony in her head. Its your fault, whatever you do its never good enough. You’ll never be good enough. You’re a monster! A sob wrecks Clarkes body.

„I’m sorry“ she mumbles „I didn’t mean to I’m sorry“ her words repeat like a mantra as she starts to run, trying to leave the voices behind.

Her foot catches on a branch and she tumbles down a hillside. Scratches and bruises litter her body but she barely feels the pain as the voices come to a crescendo.

„How can you live when we're all dead“ they scream.

The voices pull at her, like hands trying to rip her apart. She screams, begs them to stop, be silent, leave her alone. Her body trembles as she gets up to continue running away.

„Look at you, running away“, shed recognize Finns voice anywhere. „The mighty Wanheda, scared and alone. You’re nothing. How can you live when we had to die. WHEN I HAD TO DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!“

The voice follows her as she lands in a creek. „Please“; she whimpers „Please leave me alone I didn’t mean to“.

A harsh laugh escaped Finn. „Didn’t mean to? Is that what you told yourself when you killed Atom?“, the shadow of a body appears in front of her, burnt flesh and face set in agony, the blood from the stab wound still running down his neck.

„Is that how you excused burning the village and blowing up the bridge?“ Dozens of shadows line up in front of her now, charred bodies of innocent villagers joining the numbers of those she killed. „Is that how you excused killing Anyas warrior? Torturing Lincoln? The ring of fire? KILLING ME?“

With each word a new shadow appeared, circling around her. Finn looked at her now, a knife stuck in his chest. He looks at her with so much hate before joining the circle of the rest.

„Is it how you excused the mountain too?“ The shadows that appeared now were by far the worst.

Before, she could claim self defense and accidents. Now she looked at the mutilated bodies of the children she had watched play soccer in the great hall just days prior. Their voices whispered a chant of murderer, monster.

„And tell me, Wanheda“, the words are almost mocking „Did it make you feel like a god?“

„No please I didn’t mean for anyone to die“ she whispers. „I never wanted anyone to die.“ Another shadow comes forward and her heart breaks. „Dad“

„You killed me, kiddo“ the ghost says „You killed so many people and yet here you are. Finn, Atom, Me, Anyas warrior, 28 people on the Bridge, 112 people in the village, 324 people in the ring of fire, Quint, 276 people in the bombing of TonDC and 391 people in Mt. Weather. Tell me kid, how can you still be here when so many have died because of you?“

1140 and she was still alive. He was right, she thought, trembling in the water. How can she be alive when so many had died?

She didn’t deserve it.

Her Hands trembled around the gun slowly inching up to her forehead. She didn’t deserve life. Then suddenly, silence. Silence like she’s never heard before. No leaves blowing, no water rushing, no crickets chirping in the distance. Maybe that’s what happens right before you die.

She smiles, closing her eyes.

„Dont do this, goufa.“ The voice sounds far off, yet somehow impossibly close. „It’s okay, strikon. You’re safe. You get to live, don’t do this".

The voice inexplicably soothed her nerves. Clarkes eyes shot open again, suddenly realizing the position she found herself in. The sound came back, the gun on her tempe a heavy weight in her fingers. She throws it away, a shot going off and hitting a tree as she does. Horror curses through her body at the though of what she was about to do. She doesn’t deserve life, she’s convinced of it. But she doesn’t deserve to just get an out either. She had survived thus far, she would not make the others deaths meaningless by taking her own life. She gets out of the creek, her clothes wet and suddenly she’s very glad that its warm out. She wouldn’t want to be stuck in wet clothes in winter.

She looks around, trying to figure out where she was. The sun hung pretty low at that point, so she must have been walking for quite a while.

„Its been 7 hours, strikon“. The voice startles her out of her thoughts.

„Who are you?" She thinks, „What do you want from me?“ The voice giggles in her head, which is a … confusing feeling.

„Its not like I want anything from you, strikon. And as for who I am, I am you. Well, who you were and will come to be again.“

„That didn’t answer my question like at all“, Clarke replies, annoyance seeping into her tone. A part of her thinks she must be crazy for talking to a strange voice in her ear, but after the day she had it’s something she’ll put off worrying about for now.

„Right, you didn’t grow up with our believes, so I imagine you wouldn’t understand. Tell me, what did Leksa tell you about spirits?“

At the mentioning of heda Clarke tensed up. She was very much the last person she wanted to think about right now.

„I know you’re hurt strikon, but i’d like to know how well versed you are in the topic before I begin to explain“. Clarke shrugged, „Not much at all if Im being honest. I know that heda is some kind of leader spirit? We didn’t really have the time to talk about it.“

The voice nodded, and Clarke had no idea how to describe that she felt a voice in her head nod.

„So nothing, then. You’d think she would tell you about it, considering how much time you spend with each other“. Clarke huffed at that. „Yeah well that’d require her to care about me wouldn’t it“

„Your anger is justified, strikon, but what happened at the mountain wasn’t Leksas decision. It was Heda. And as Heda she has to choose with her head and not her heart, You must understand that“ Clarkes jaw clenches.

„Well Heda can piss off for all I care“ she growls.

Whatever the voice was about to answer got interrupted by Clarkes stomach grumbling loudly.

„You should get some food, goufa.“ Clarke furrowed her brows.

When she left camp, she had taken barely anything with her. The gun lay discarded somewhere at the riverside and she very much didn’t plan to get it back, not trusting herself with the weapon. She didn’t bring any knives, so that’d make hunting pretty hard.

„Don’t worry about it, strikon“, the voice says, „I can teach you how to hunt.“ , Clarke gladly accepted, feeling like the offer shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it did.

The voice went to explain how to make traps out of leaves and branches, telling her to wait a bit away from the contraption after it was set. By the time she was done, she could feel her hunger gnawing at her.

„You still didn’t tell me who you are, you know?“ She says after a while of sitting in silence, waiting for an animal to run int the trap she set.

„Right, I thought it would make sense to explain who I am - who you are - on a full stomach. Makes it much easier to deal with the upcoming existential crisis“

Clarke let out a small huff at the poor attempt of humor.

„Id really like to not continue calling you the voice in my head. Just give me a name to call you until you explain“ The voice sighs.

„Ai laik Wanheda“

Everything in Clarke tenses up. Somehow the foreign name seems so fitting for the voice.

„Thats what the souls called me.“, she realized, „What does it mean?“

The voice - Wanheda - sighs. „I think that requires some more explanation. Wanheda in itself translates to the commander of Death“

Fitting then, Clarke thought, thinking about all the people who had died since she got to earth. Knowing what Clarke was thinking, Wanheda sighs.

„Thats what I meant with more explanation. The name, its not as self explaining as you think it is. I’ll tell you the entire story once you rested a bit, strikon. But for now - in the old days, long before humans even existed, there were two spirits. Fleimheda and me, Wanheda. We are known as the Flame and Death, but a much more accurate description would be the hearth and the cycle of life, or the people and the soul. You know Fleimheda“ , Clarke nods at that.

„So Lexa is Fleimheda? The Commander of the Flame?“ Her eyebrows furrow „But I’ve heard people call her the Commander of Blood“.

Wanheda nods. „Thats due to her night blood. The complete story is a bit longer than what I’d like to tell you right now, but I will explain it later strikon“.

The voice pauses for a second, waiting for Clarke to acknowledge their words. Then they continue „Over the years, Fleimheda and me have chosen hosts, vessels, to aid on their path. Fleimheda does so much more frequently than me. They are always present, guiding our people, trying to achieve peace. I’m a bit… different. The most obvious one is probably that I’m not around very often. And when I am it tends to be as a reincarnation, such as you, instead of a vessel“

Clarke isn’t sure what do do with the explanation. „What do you mean reincarnation?“

„Well, exactly what you’d understand by it I’d guess. You are me. Right now we are two parts of one, because you aren’t ready to hold the memories and powers that you have through being me. There is a kind of, well, barrier, that keeps your mind save until you’re ready to become more.“

„So you’ll leave once I’m… ready?“ Clarke didn’t know why, but the thought bothered her.

Somehow she found herself caring about Wanheda in the short while since they met. (And that was a weird thought when she considered that apparently they were the same person)

„Not leave, strikon“, Clarke had to remember to ask them what that meant, „We will simply be one. We won’t really talk in your mind like we are doing right now, but I will still be there. You’ll have all my memories, experiences. And we will be able to talk through a, well mind scape is the best description. I’ll explain that once it comes to it. For now lets concentrate on the rest of the story.“

Wanheda stops talking for a while, trying to figure out the best way to explain. Normally her reincarnations and vessels had enough of an idea about spirits for her to skip the basics. „I reincarnate, or choose vessels, in times of great need. That is probably part of the reason that Death is the first thing everybody associates with me. But my, our, prerogative is first and foremost to avoid useless pain and suffering. Like you did at the mountain, how many more people would have died if you hadn’t done what you did? Death is inevitable and sometimes people need to die in order for more to live. For the ones we love to survive and thrive. We are here, because people need us right now, because the peace Lexa kom Trikru fought for so hard is crumbling slowly and we can soften the death.“

Clarke can follow that, it makes sense, in a way. Though the reminder of Lexa stung, she understood why she was needed for the peace to prevail.

„Before we continue this, you should check your trap, strikon. You need sustenance.“

Slowly getting up reminded Clarke of how dizzy she was getting. To her relief, she found a rabbit in her trap when she got there. She was at a loss at what to do with the animal as it tried to escape from the twines that wrapped around it.

„Lift it up by its neck and break it, strikon. Thats the most merciful way for it to go until you have a knife“

Feeling oddly calm, Clarke did just that. The rabbit stopped moving around in her hands and she carried it to a small cave she had found while looking for twines to make the trap.

„Wanheda?“, she asked timidly, „Can you teach me how to prepare the meat and make a fire?“

The spirit nodded again. While coaching the girls through the motions, she continued the earlier conversation.

„Do you know where you’ll go from here strikon?“ Clarke tenses a bit at that.

She knew what she wanted to do, but trepidation of going back sat heavy in her bones.

„The mountain“, she finally says, „No-one will go back there and the people, their souls deserve to rest“.

Wanheda smiles a bit at that „Then we will go to the mountain tomorrow, strikon. For now you should rest and sleep. Let the fire burn out by itself, it’ll keep you warm while its still burning“

Clarke nodded, getting comfortable next to the fizzling flames. After a while, she starts dozing off before a thought hits her.

„If we are here to help Lexa, I will have to see her again, won’t I?“

Wanheda sighs in sympathy at the broken girl. „Not for a while, strikon. But at some point in the future, Leksa will need us. And we’ll be there“

Clarke nodded, not having it in her to argue about it for now. „What does strikon mean? You keep calling me that.“

Wanheda sighs, wishing Clarke would just sleep. She needed all the rest she could get before going to the mountain the next day.

„It means little one in trigedasleng.“ Clarke hummed.

„Can you teach me how to speak it?“ Clarkes eyes were closed now.

„I will start tomorrow, strikon. Rest well for now“.

Clarke fell asleep, feeling calmer than she had the entire day.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

A scream echoed through the forest as Clarke flayed awake, panic consuming her every thought.

Her dreams were filled with death, the mountain men burning as they died replaced with the people she loved. Raven slowly dying in wails of Agony, Bellamy trying to escape the death that was in the air slowly dying and joining the bodies on the floor. Octavia, her mom, Monty, everybody she cared about burned and barely recognizable. Your fault voices whispered throughout her entire dream.

„Breathe strikon, I need you to breathe“ Wanhedas voice interrupted her thoughts. „I need you to listen to me, okay? You’re at your temporal camp right now, roughly 7 hours away from Arcadia. It is morning, the sun rose barely half an hour ago. There is a creek nearby and a cave behind you.“

The voice grounds her slightly, but the eradicate breathing makes most of the words pass over her head.

„Breathe with me, strikon. In - 1,2,3,4 - hold - 1,2 - out - 1,2,3“ The breathing pattern continues for a while as Clarke slowly calms down.

„Are you back with me, strikon?“ Clarke nodded, still a bit shaken.

„I should go“, she says after a while, „I won’t go back to sleep anyway“ .

She gets up, taking some time to go down to the river and drink a bit as well as eat the last of the rabbit she caught yesterday. After all was done, she halted for a second.

„Take all the time you need, strikon. The mountain can wait until you’re ready“ Clarke shook her head. „I’m going now. If I stay away it’s just going to get worse.“

The track towards the mountain takes several hours. She spends the time talking to Wanheda, learning about their history and purpose. After a while, Wanheda starts teaching her Trigedasleng.

„It is a natural language for you to speak“, Wanheda says after Clarke got confused about picking it up so quickly.

„We spoke Trigedasleng before any other language existed and it came back after the bombs fell and we were more connected to humanity again.“

It makes sense, in a way. Well, as much sense as anything else had the pst two days, so she decided to just roll with it. The track continued with lessons on language and moving through the woods as silently and efficiently as possible. Once she starts recognizing the forest around her, she slows down. Since she started talking to Wanheda she hasn’t been hearing the voices, but now she can nearly imagine the whispers of the ghosts following her.

„Strikon?“ Wanheda pulls her out of her thoughts

„How about we rest for tonight. Collect your thoughts, replenish your energy. A few hours of rest will do you well to prepare“ Clarke sighs in acknowledgement.

That’s how she finds herself sitting next to a fire again, just a twenty minute walk from the place that’ll haunt her forever away. She collected some water from the dam, happy for the big leaves she found to hold it and caught another rabbit to eat. As she does so, a nagging voice in the back of her head tells her she doesn’t deserve this. The water, the food, the warmth, the rest. She tries to focus on her conversation with Wanheda instead, drowning out the guilt. She can feel guilty after she laid their bodies to rest.

„So“, she says (thinks?) To Wanheda, taking a bite of the rabbit. Spices wouldn’t hurt.

„We’re like always present to help Fleimheda then?“

„As long as the host doesn’t stray from their path, yes. And normally they don’t. There have been very few hosts where we had to interfere against them rather than in support. Even then most of those hosts don’t get ad enough for us to interfere. The last one was Shaiheda.“

„That means the dark commander, right?“ Clarke asks, trying to remember her lessons from earlier that day.

„Yes, exactly, strikon. Shaiheda basked in wars and death, playing clans against each other so they’d fight. After a while, people finally understood what he was doing and he was killed through the course of the ensuing war“.

Clarke co*cked her head. You didn’t interfere there though, did you? I’m sure I would’ve heard something about that.

„That’s right, I didn’t. In the beginning I was still hoping that Fleimheda could reign him in. And then when I was about to interfere, the clans had already started raging a war against him. I wasn’t needed for his reign to end, so I stood by the side and let history take it’s course“ .

That seemed sensible, Clarke guessed. She continued eating a while longer, before putting the last of the rabbit away for the next day.

„Can you explain a bit more about what you meant by people and soul?“,

during the entire 9 hour hike to the mountain they hadn’t really covered that topic. Most of the time had been spend talking about past reincarnations, or learning Trigedasleng and moving through the woods.

„Of course, strikon. We, Fleimheda and I, became the people and the soul only after humans were created. But we’re both still much more. You remember that I described us as the hearth and the cycle of life, right? Well, Fleimheda is the hearth. The warmth of family and safety, the necessity of life. She guards the safety of life and hope. Thats how she became the people once humanity came into being. She was the one to give them fire to live, she strives for their well-being, she is their hope. It is also the power that Fleimhedas vessels get from her.“

„You said that before“, Clarke interrupted, „That they get powers.“

„Yes. Fleimhedas vessels tend to be able to control fire to an extend. Most won’t be able to do so in a throwing fire balls kind of way, but they can keep flames alive, make them burst or die. A really strong vessel might be able to form weapons and fireballs out of flames, but it’d take a lot of practice. I don’t think there’s been a single vessel thus far that has been able to unlock that power. But more that the abilities over fire, they are hope. You must’ve noticed it while you were in Leksas presence. The feeling that while everything is crumbling there is hope to prevail. It is a certain - aura, for the lack of a better term, that all Hedas hold. The ones that are strong connected to Fleimheda are even able to control the strength of the aura, take the hope away.“

Clarke can’t help but gulp at that, imagining the utter desperation she felt after Leksa left.

„What about us? You said we embody the cycle of life?“

„Exactly. Before there were people, we made flowers bloom, carried the souls of animals into this world and took them away to their next life after. It’s why we’d be the soul now. We cannot decide when a person lives and dies per se, but we can guide the dead into their next life should they be stuck. We can also keep souls in the in-between should they be undeserving of passing on. There are a few souls throughout history that are imprisoned in the in between. Genghis Kahn, Adolf Hitler and the like. As for abilities, well. There are a lot that you could unlock, but like anything our abilities come with a cost. For Fleimheda as vessels, there is not really a noticeable one. The fire takes the oxygen from the air, just like any flame would. And when they give hope to their allies, their foes will feel a lot more desperate than before. For us, there can be severe drawbacks to what we can do. Our main ability, is to heal and to sense death. The healing is a bit complicated. We can heal nearly any injury or sickness by transferring them into us. That includes deathly ones, since we heal incredibly quickly. We will however feel their pain, bear their scars. And depending on the severity, our healing might not be quite quick enough to kick in before we’d die. If someone would die within the next 20 minutes, there’s nothing we can do for them. But even then healing costs a lot of energy, so that - especially in the beginning - the depleting energy levels alone could kill us. So we need to be keenly aware of our limits before we heal. And as much as it pains me, we cannot heal everybody. While we stand for the perseverance of life, we need death to thrive. Life looses all meaning at the absence of death. A child dying of sickness is gruesome for everybody involved, but the Childs soul will pass on. Death is only sad for those left behind, remember that, strikon“

Clarke gulps. For a second she hoped that maybe she could wipe her slate clean. Take the pain of those she meets, fix people to be okay again like she never will be.

„I can hear your thoughts, strikon. You are not broken. You are hurt but in time you will learn to live with what you had to do to survive.“

Clarke sighs, not quite believing them but unwilling to argue.

„So, what else can we do? The healing already seems really cool“,

Wanheda chuckles at that.

„I’ll have you know that everything about me is really cool. But about the question, well the sensing death is pretty strong. We get a feeling, I don’t quite know how to describe it until you’ve felt it yourself, that death is coming. Like the reaper is standing next to the person who will die.“

Clarke thinks back towards all the lives she’s seen end, a distinct memory of a cold tingle growing in her body, getting stronger the more death occurred.

„The last noticeable thing is our speed and strength. It is the same for Fleimhedas vessels. We get faster, stronger, our senses improve and our instincts grow. The rest on our abilities is going to depend on you. There are many things we are able to do as a spirit, but thus far have barely been able to take into our mortal bodies. We can blend into the shadows and travel through them, we can call on ghosts and skeletons to aid our fight, we can control bones, shape and transform them however we wish, we can spread an underlying aura of death and despair to our enemies. But which of these you’ll actually be able to do depends on how powerful of a a reincarnation you are. Like I said, so far nearly none of these further powers were within reach in our mortal forms. There have been several reincarnations that had a strong link to the shadows, and in times of great despair we have managed to call on the dead to aid us, but nothing is certain“

Clarke nods in comprehension, though she feels incredibly overwhelmed with the onslaught of informations Wanheda was giving her.

„So i’ll be like way too OP.“

She asserts. This draws another chuckle from Wanheda.

„Not for a while, strikon. And even then you must remember the cost of using these abilities.We’re first and foremost protectors and keepers, so of course we also make much greater warriors and healers. But you’re not invincible, Klarke. Your monblud will aid your healing but even you can die. You cannot forget that“

Clarke startles at that.

„Monblud?“

If a spirit inside ones head could be sheepish, Clarke imagined that that’s exactly how it’d feel.

„I knew there was something I forgot. As we merge, your physical form will start looking more like we are supposed to. You’ll grow taller and build a lot more muscles for one. But the defining traits are that your skin will get much paler, your eyes will develop violet limbal rings and your blood will change into a blueish silver color.“

Sensing Clarkes panic at the changes, Wanheda tries their best to soothe her.

„It’s not like you won’t be recognizable anymore. You’ll still be you, just, well, paler. Much more badass“

The word sounded so foreign coming from Wanheda, that Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle.

„Yeah, alright. Not like I can really do anything about it“, she yawns.

„Thats the spirit“, Wanheda winks. „You should sleep now, ai goufa. You will have a long day tomorrow.“

Clarke barely hums a reply before she is asleep.

Unsurprisingly she wakes up screaming again, glad for Wanheda coaching her through the ensuing panic. Once she had calmed down, she made her way towards the dam again, drinking and eating until she was satiated enough to start her work.

„Once we are done,“ Wanheda said,

„We are getting you weapons. You need to learn how to fight and hunt properly before you go back“

Clarke nods, before walking towards the front entrance of Mt. Weather. Trepidation filled her as she stood there, the huge entrance making her feel tiny in comparison. The fields around the mountain were littered with bodies of the fallen warriors and she knew how much worse the inside of the mountain would be.

„Take a breathe, strikon“, Wanheda tried to soothe her

„I’ll be with you all the way“.

Clarke breathed in.

„Lets do this“, she mumbled, talking out loud for the first time since she left Arcadia.

She opens the front door with the key card she had printed before closing the mountain off two days ago. The front entrance is deserted, silence covering the entire bunker. Like the day before she feels whispers following her as she walks deeper into the bunker, but in reality she’s met with nothing but silence.

„How about you start outside, strikon?“

Wanheda says, feeling the blondes body tense up more and more as they ventured into the mountain. The girl could only nod shakily. She made a list inside her head. Find needles, threads and water to clean the wounds, find a shovel to dig the graves, built a pyre for the grounders.

She went to level three first, finding the needle and thread she was looking for. She also decided to grab a bucket and rag from the room, filling the bucket with clean water. Somewhere in her mind she shivered at the hints of life she finds in the mountain. The running water, the discarded belongings of people, the toys of children. She nearly choked up at that, opting to make it out of the bunker as quickly as possible. She’d deal with those outside first, just as Wanheda had said. On her way out, she walked by a shovel, deciding to take it with her. Much easier than digging the graves by hand like she had planned earlier.

Once she reached the battlefield, she started working in silence. Stitching up the wounds, cleaning the bodies off of the grime that had assembled over time. Wanheda stayed silent during the entire time, not wanting to startle the working girl. Clarke preferred it that way, the silence seemed fitting for the place. One after the other she cleaned the bodies. She carried the bodies of the warriors to the side, opting to make the pyres at the end, after she had cleaned the reaper tunnels, and using the now empty space of the battle field to dig the graves.

She was about to start digging the graves, when Wanheda finally spoke up.

„You need to rest, strikon. You can continue your work tomorrow, tonight you need to regain your energy. Go to the dam and I’ll teach you how to catch fish. There are lots of bushes nearby to collect berries from. I can show you which ones you can eat. You’ve done so well, strikon“

Clarke wanted to protest. She wasn’t done yet, couldn’t let all those in the mountain wait another day. But her bones felt heavy and her eyelids were dropping. Barely able to walk straight, she tumbles towards the dam. Tomorrow she would continue.

And she did, it took her a total of 11 days to rid the mountain off the death inside and around and honor the dead. When night fell, Wanheda would coerce her away from her work, and when the sun rose she’d soothe the trembling girl, who’d wake up to screams of the dead and guilt gnawing at her. While Wanheda did her best to keep the girl alive, she barely managed to take care of herself. She didn’t eat or sleep a lot and the physically taxing work was slowly draining her energy. Every day her body ached more, not used to the amount of physical exertion. But as the last bodies were buried, the reaper tunnels cleared and shut down, Clarke got a minute to soothe her mind. Walking through the forest to collect wood for the fires was almost therapeutic after the 1.5 weeks she had spend surrounded by the dead. And when the fires burnt and her bones were aching, she thought she felt a flicker of peace.

„Wanheda?“

The girl asked. Her clothes were covered in grime, little cuts and bruises covered her frame.

„Are there any larger fields with flowers around?“

Wanheda thought for a while, before guiding the girl a bit away from the mountain. There was a field, full of beautifully colorful flowers. Clarke choked up at the sight of such unadulterated beauty and life so close to the mountain. She carefully made her way down the field, collecting flowers for the graves. Careful to keep them alive, she dug to the roots and took the flowers in their entirety, to plant into the ground of the graves. Life and death in an endless cycle. She hoped the souls of the mountain had finally moved on.

Once the graves and pyre spotted flowers, she went into the mountain one last time. Going into the old archive, she found bottles of spray paint. She makes her way to the front entrance, closing the door behind her. Putting down the spray bottles she had collected, she took a few steps away from the door. Wanheda watched her in confusion.

„What flower represents hope and endings?“

She asked the spirit. They thought for a while.

„I couldn’t tell you which flower does both, but in the old world chrysanthemums would be used to say goodbye, while lilys represent loss and times of mourning. The daffodil, as the first flower of spring, represents new beginnings and hope for the future. It is why the daffodil is our symbol. There are also irises of course, they represent hope, faith and wisdom.“

For each Flower mentioned, Wanheda showed Clarke a picture of what they looked like. Clarke hummed, mustering the door a while longer, before she took a spray bottle and started painting the door in front of her. She worked in silence, creating a gorgeous picture of flowers. After she finished her work, she steps back again. A flower wreath of Irises, chrysanthemums and Lilys paint the closed entrance. In the middle of the drawing was a beautiful daffodil. A warning of the past, a symbol for a better future. A sign to leave the mountain be. The sign of Wanheda.

She smiled, nobody would enter the mountain ever again.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

After she had left the mountain, Wanheda began teaching Clarke all she needed to know about surviving in the wilderness and fighting, as well as helping her understand the culture and customs of the world around her.

She had taken two knifes and a sword, as well as a bow and some arrows from the warriors at the mountain. Initially she hadn’t wanted to take anything from them, but as Wanheda had reminded her, having a weapon could mean life or death and she needed the weapons more than the dead did.

At the moment, Clarke was crouched on a tree, waiting for her prey to come closer before she attacked.

It had been two months since she left Arcadia and sometimes she felt like a completely new person.

Gone was the soft blonde girl, whose eyes held the hope for a brighter world. Now she started to look like a warrior, her red dyed hair pulled up in braids like Wanheda taught her to do, sword and bow strapped on her back.

The now-redheads skin also seemed much paler than it had before, giving the illusion of a cold blueish hue around the girl. Wanheda had said it’d still get a bit paler, once they had merged enough for Clarkes blood to change, and Clarke already expected to look like a hypothermic person for the rest of her life. Considering that Wanheda didn’t argue too much, that’s probably what would happen. As long as she wasn’t cold to touch, that was fine with her.

She had traded better clothes at a trading post not far from where she currently resided, now dark brown leather armor covered her body.

The wolf she had been hunting was closer now and she got ready to stage the attack.

„Remember to evaluate the movements before you attack, strikon.“

Wanheda reminded her, as she did so often. Patience was a skill their reincarnation was still lacking in, though much better than just three months ago.

Clarke gave a nod of acknowledgement, her fingers clenching around the knife in her hand.

Just as the wolf appeared underneath the tree, she pounced. She slightly misjudged the distance, stabbing the knife through the wolfs shoulder instead of the neck like she had intended.

The wolf growled in pain and turned to defend itself, it’s claws sinking into the flesh of her stomach, drawing blood from the deep wounds.

Clarke quickly pulled out her second knife. With a skilled flick of her blade, blood started pouring out of the wolfs neck, the animal lying dead at her feet.

„Yu gomplei ste udon“ she murmured.

„Are you alright, strikon?“

Wanhedas tone gave away the worry at the thought of Clarke being hurt.

„Nothing I can’t handle, don’t worry about it“ Clarke winced.

She crouched down to pick the dead animal up, the task was much easier than it had been just a few months ago, even with a stinging pain in her abdomen.

Not for the first time she was glad for her training with Wanheda, her body steadily growing with lean muscle.

On her way to the trading post, she let her mind wander over the past few months.

In the beginning, her training with Wanheda had ben grueling, consisting of nothing but physical conditioning.

Run up this hill, carry that stone, do pushups, swim upstream in the river. That hadn’t been a fun experience, as she recalled, learning to swim in turbulent waters.

„But it did you good, strikon“, Wanheda interrupted.

Used to the spirit interrupting her thoughts, Clarke merely rolled her eyes.

Just because they were right. Opting to change the topic, Clarke nudged Wanheda.

„Is there something specific you want me to trade today?“ She asked.

Most days, she simply traded the meat of the animal for basic necessities and well, drawing supplies. Though those should count as necessity one way or another.

About a month ago, she had killed two panthers that attacked her and had asked Niylah, who worked at the trading post she frequented, if it was possible to make a coat out of the furs. Winter was going to set in 2 months time and she didn’t plan to go cold in the upcoming months.

„Speaking of Niylah“, Wanheda interrupted.

Clarke knew what they were going to say before they even finished the thought.

„I’m not looking for a relationship, Wanheda. And for an ancient spirit you’re a horrible gossip“

Wanheda simply shrugged at that.

„After eons of being alive, I need to get my amusem*nt from somewhere. And I’m aware you don’t want a relationship. But as Niylah pointed out so kindly before, sex doesn’t need romantic feelings.“

Clarke choked, remembering that conversation very clearly. It had been after around two months of her frequenting the trading post, that she had felt Niylahs appreciative looks on her. She had blushed, trying to act as though she hadn’t realized, but Niylah had shrugged in indifference

„I can appreciate beauty where I see it, Klarke. If you’re ever interested in sharing your beauty anyway“

Clarke hadn’t known what to say, simply stuttering a silent

„mochof“

and left the trading post with her goods.

Since then, Niylahs looks and comments had been rather obvious. And it’s not like she was actually opposed to the idea of warming Niylahs bed for the night, frankly the physical contact might do her some good (and she was pretty sure Niylah had realized that Clarke wasn’t really against the idea).

But whenever she thought about it, green eyes crossed her mind and her lips start tingling at the memory of a breath taking kiss. Wanheda says forgetting those lips for a while is good enough of a reason to sleep with Niylah. Clarke says Wanheda is full of sh*t. She also happens to agree.

„You didn’t answer my question“,

she really didn’t fancy talking about Niylah anymore. Wanheda hummed.

„You should look for some throwing knifes. The ones you currently have are not meant to be thrown, so there’s only so much accuracy you’ll reach with them“.

Once she reached the trading post, Clarke waited for a while, making sure nobody but Niylah was present. She wasn't too keen on anyone recognizing her, especially when she was injured.

The bleeding from the injury had slowed down during the track, but not enough to fully stop.

The advanced healing was something she had learned to appreciate over the past months, and with every passing day her injuries started healing quicker.

Which (sadly) also meant that Wanheda also pushed her body further with every passing day.

Seeing no-one around the trading post and unable to hear anyone but Niylah walk around inside, she made her way over to the building, knocking on the door before entering.

„You’re injured“,

Niylah said, as she spotted the girl. Clarke shrugged.

„It’s nothing. You should see the other one“,

she smirked, holding up the wolf. Niylah sighed in exasperation at the girls antics.

„That ones pretty big, how much do you want for it?“

As Niylah took the wolf from her to take it to the back room for preparation, Klarke began scanning the shelves.

„You mean on top of the meat from my last kill and the coat?“

She called so Niylah could still hear her from the back.

„Those still belong to your last kill, Klarke. You must surely need something“,

Niylah came back, holding the meat and a coat in her hands.

„You got it done!“ Clarke gushed in excitement.

„Anything for my favorite customer, Klarke“

Niylah purred, eyes roaming Clarkes body.

Her eyes got stuck on the blood on Clarkes abdomen and for a second she was glad her blood still had it’s old red color.

„Let me clean that for you before we do business, Klarke. The wolf seems to have landed quite the blow on you“

Clarke was about to deny the offer for help, when she felt Wanheda nudge her from the back of her mind. Stupid gossipy spirits.

Whenever she went to the trading post, Wanheda would stay in the far back of her mind, only interfering when needed. She didn’t like interrupting Clarke when she was talking with other people.

Actually, Clarke was pretty sure she just didn’t want to interrupt her with Niylah.

Knowing a lost fight when she sees one, the redheads shoulders slumped.

„That’d actually be really nice of you, Niylah“.

She was ushered into the back of the building, where Niylahs living area resided.

„This way“

the trader commanded, nudging Clarke towards a bathroom near the end of the house.

Figuring that complaining wouldn’t help her with the situation, Clarke lowered herself onto the edge of the bathtub.

„Can you take the shirt off? I’ll be right back with some cloth“.

Niylah left the room, getting some cloth, needle and thread.

As she was waiting for the other woman to come back, Clarke gently peeled out of the leather armor, wincing slightly as it agitated the abdominal injuries even more.

The wounds seemed to reach higher than she first thought, having ripped a part of her breast bindings. For a second she thought about taking it off to allow Niylah better access, before opting to leave it on. If Niylah needed it taken off, she’d say so.

Settling back into her previous position on the edge of the tub, Clarke looked around the room.

Several candles were lit in various spots of the room, illuminating it in flickering lights. She was about to make a comment about it to Wanheda, before she realized, with some amusem*nt, that the spirit had settled into the far back of her mind, unable to see or hear anything Clarke did or thought unless she actively screamed at them.

The redhead rolled her eyes taking the hint.

„I couldn’t find the needles, sorry about the wait“

Niylah closed the door behind her, turning to look at Clarke.

„Lets get you stitched up then“.

————

To be frank, she shouldn’t have been surprised by how much she craved the touch Niylah gave her.

Her hands were gentle as she pushed the needle through tender skin, sowing the gashes back together.

Maybe that’s why she didn’t stop the caressing hand on her abdomen as the blonde woman cleaned off the blood, nor move away as gentle kisses were placed around the treated injuries, lips moving further up her body. Clarkes breath hitched, as Niylahs nose bumped into hers, her throat suddenly dry.

„I-„ she swallows

„I don’t think I can give you what you want“

the former blonde muttered. Niylah placed her hands on the girls hips, pulling her up.

„It’s not love I’m asking for, Klarke“ .

Maybe it’s the dim light and blood loss playing games with her head, but Clarke found herself pulling Niylah close, meeting soft lips in the middle.

What starts out as a tender kiss, quickly turned heated as Clarke pushed the other girl into the wall behind her, lifting her up, abdominal pain forgotten for the moment

(ignored, welcomed, deserved?).

Niylah whined, wrapping her legs around Clarkes torso, hands buried in berry-dyed hair.

„Jok“

Clarke groaned as Nilyah gently sucks on her lower lip, letting it go with a pop.

Getting lost in wandering hands and heated kisses, Clarke moves them towards where she knew Niylahs bedroom to be.

„Klarke“,

the other woman moaned as the warrior places her on the bed, settling between her legs.

She hesitated for a second as green eyes flash across her mind.

Niylah reaches up, stroking a hair out of the blondes face.

„Don’t worry, Wanheda“,

Clarke lets out a startled breath at the name,

„You’re not the only one who’ll be thinking about someone else.“

And as if that gave her all the permission she needed, Clarke surged forward into another bruising kiss, wishing the woman under her were green eyed and brunette.

——————

Niylah woke up to a cold bed, the only reminder of the last night the bruises on her neck and scratch marks on her body.

Her mind vividly flashed toward the night, Clarkes lips around her cl*t, Clarke coming undone around Niylahs fingers with a shout, all the while wishing the person with her was someone who’d never come back.

Sighing, she got up, assembling the discarded clothes that cluttered the room.

As she did so, a noise from the front room made her go rigid.

She was pretty sure she had locked the door before going into the backrooms with Clarke the other day.

Getting dressed as fast as she could, Niylah raced towards the front, only to find Clarke there with a sheepish smile, holding two bowls of what seemed to be porridge with berries.

„I couldn’t really leave without saying thank you for stitching me up. That would’ve made coming back here rather uncomfortable, don’t you think?“

In truth the girl had gotten a verbal smackdown from the local spirit residing inside her head as she wanted to leave before the sun rose. Something about manners and the way you treat friends, even (especially) when you sleep with them. She hated it when Wanheda was right.

Niylah smiled at the gesture. Truth is, she had been anxious that last night would make Clarke pull away. While neither harbored any romantic feelings for the other, she had grown to value the other girls presence and maybe, hopefully, friendship.

The two women settled into a comfortable silence as they were eating their porridge.

„How long did you know?“

Clarke asked after a while.

„Who I am, I mean.“

The silence stretched on for some time as Niylah pondered over the question.

„I don’t know when exactly I realized. Must’ve been the third or fourth time you came here. You hadn’t re-dyed your hair, and the blonde was peeking out. Besides,“

a hint of a smirk quirking Niylahs lips upwards,

„everybody has heard a description of Wanheda at this point“.

Nodding, Clarke continued eating her porridge.

She had been very aware that people must have a general idea of what she looked like. With so many scouts from different clans looking for her it wouldn’t take long for people to recognize her.

„I know there were scouts here a while ago looking for me. You didn’t tell them.“

The statement had Niylah shrugging.

„I care about you, Klarke. Not just because you saved my nontu from the mountain, but because I’ve grown to like you as a person. I’m not just going to give you up when you obviously have a reason to stay hidden.“

And Clarke had no idea what she did to deserve Niylah as a … friend(?) but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

She smiled at the girl.

————————

Clarke was running for her life, Azgedan scouts following her through the thick forest.

It had been four months since she found a friend in Niylah and the both had grown much closer since then.

At some point during that time, she opened up about her feelings for the commander and Niylah would jokingly tell her to remind Heda just who taught her to be so good in bed after they finally got their sh*t together.

Though Clarke didn’t think Heda harbored any sorts of feelings for the blonde - likely she was just playing with her for political gain (but your scars, a part of her she wasn't ready to face just yet would always scream) - she was also pretty certain that the brunette - if they ever were to sleep together - wouldn’t take kindly to finding out that Clarke was very regularly sleeping with someone she was incredibly close with.

Not that it was any of her business after she left Clarke at the mountain.

And the point is it’s not like she didn’t understand Lexas decision. It might’ve taken a while, but she wasn’t mad about it anymore.

No, what did hurt was the personal betrayal. She had been so sure the brunette had felt about her the same way she did about her, but then Lexa left her for her people.

But if you care for somebody like that, don’t they become your people too?

„DUCK!“

Wanhedas frantic shout pulled her out of her musings and she barely ducks away from an arrow that threatened to pierce her skin.

„Jok“

she grumbled, speeding up even more to leave the scouts behind her.

Normally she’d be ale to outrun the scouts, her improved speed coming quite in handy.

However, the scouts had surrounded her while she was asleep and she hadn’t woken up until one was right in front of her, his sword leaving a nasty gash on her back as she rolled away.

Breaking out of the circle of scouts had caused further injuries and two arrows were embedded in her upper thigh.

The blood loss was making her dizzy, and with the amount of injuries she had endured there was no way she’d be able to shake them off.

As she made another turn, she heard a knife zooming through the air.

Trying to get out of the way she jumped down an embankment, stumbling as she clumsily hits the ground.

Dizzy and unbalanced from the fall, she didn’t manage to duck the next arrow that came her way.

„Jok“

she mumbled again.

She didn’t even register Wanhedas shouts in her mind as black spots cloud her vision and her body drops to the floor.

Niylah was going to be so pissed at her.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Niylah was pacing up and down in the front room of the trading post, wringing her hands in worry.

She hadn’t seen Clarke in almost two fortnights and she was getting anxious.

Normally, Clarke would make a habit of stopping by every few days, staying away for a fortnight at most. For her to be gone for so long was not a good sign.

As she was pacing, she was trying to figure out what to do. If Clarke was simply held up by something, she’d probably hate Niylah if she were to tell someone - alas Hedas scouts - what she observed. But if something had happened to the blonde…

The sound of the door opening shook the girl out of her thoughts.

Opting to worry about Clarke later, she smiled at the new arrival.

„Sonop, what can I do for you?“ She asked.

Several people entered the building, clad in armor and weapons, Trikru markings identifying their clan.

„I need you to tell me if you saw this girl“,

the person who spoke was clad in dark cloth, a hood over her head.

Niylah didn’t have to look at the drawing in front of her to know that it was Clarke they were looking for.

„If someone can stay hidden for so long, maybe they don’t want to be found“, she said, raising her chin.

Several of the warriors surrounding the hooded figure grabbed their weapons at her attitude. Not one to get intimidated by their threats, Niylah continued.

„Who is looking for her?“

The hooded figure raised their hand to tell the warriors to stand down.

Lowering the hood from her face, the woman stepped closer to Niylah.

„I am. Have you seen her?“

A breathy gasp escapes Niylah at the sight.

„Heda“.

————————

4 months ago

————————

A knife sliced through the air, hitting the target of the bullseye in front of her.

Lexa stood in the middle of a ring surrounded by targets, breath labored from exhaustion.

„Not sleeping won’t solve your issues, Leksa“.

a voice broke the silence.

Startled, Lexa turned to face the source, Anya.

„What do you need, Onya?“

The woman in question raised an eyebrow at her former second.

„You haven’t been taking care of yourself, Leksa. Burying yourself in work, barely eating or sleeping, you need to rest“.

Lexa huffed.

„What I need is to get the coalition back in line. Ever since we left at the mountain“

her voice got stuck a bit, vividly remembering blue eyes looking at her with unshed tears, desperate pleas asking her to stay.

„The people want blood, they aren’t happy that we let the maunon live. They are calling for war and I need to“ ,

she stopped herself.

Needs to make the ambassadors see reason? For all she knew they have a right to demand blood.

Jus drain jus daun.

(A part of her remembers angry blue eyes that burned in contempt for the saying) .

It’s her who can’t give into the fight, because if they go to war now, they left the mountain for nothing and that means she betrayed Clarke for nothing and that means she died for nothing.

„Yeah about that“

Anya started, looking much more uncomfortable than she had ever before.

„Some Skaikru came to TonDC, waving around with their guns“

Lexa rubbed her temples, expecting retaliation for costing them their people’s lives at the mountain.

"Surprising it took them a whole month," she muttered

„They weren’t the Skaikru left behind in Arcadia during the fight, Leksa.“,

Anya continued, her words drawing Lexa's full attention.

„Apparently the mountain fell“

Lexa's eyes widened in disbelief

„What do you mean it fell? How could they - „

she took a breath to collect herself.

„Tell me everything you know, Onya“.

„I don’t know all the details on what exactly happened. As far as I understood from their ramblings, Klarke went into the mountain after - after we left“

Lexas breath hitched at the mention of the blondes name.

She had hoped the girl would leave the mountain alone, knowing she’d loose, but the fact that she didn’t, the fact that she apparently triumphed without an army to back her up -

„From what I got, she used Cage Wallaces father, Dante Wallace, as leverage to make him cooperate. When he wouldn’t, she shot the man, recording it for his son to hear“

Swallowing deeply, Lexa gestured for Anya to continue with the story.

„He started - I think they said drilling? - into Skaikru. The Skaikru were vague on what happened next, but apparently Klarke did something to kill the maunon and safe her people from dying at their hands“

Lexa didn’t remember the last time she had felt so relieved yet desperate at the same time.

Relieved, because that meant Clarke was alive, she was okay. But at the same time she hated herself for leaving, hated even more how the thought of the girl despising her for what she did hurt so much more than thinking she had died.

„When you say killed the maunon, do you mean their warriors?“

Anya shook her head.

„No, Leksa. If what Skaikru said is to be believed, she killed all 300 of them.“

Lexa felt sick.

She remembered Clarkes outrage and guilt after TonDC, saw how she struggled after Finns death and the ring of fire. She couldn’t imagine what this did to the girl. She had never felt worse about a decision.

And the worst part was that she’d do it again, because her people must always come first.

But isn’t she your people too?

Whispered a treacherous voice in her head. She opted to ignore it, concentrating on Anya instead.

„Do you know what they want?“

At that Anya started looking a lot more uncomfortable than before.

„See, this is the interesting part? They said they want us to give Klarke back, that even if she committed war crimes, she did so in a Skaikru confrontation and we cannot punish her for that. That when Klarke faces punishment it should be by Skaikru hands“

Ignoring the outrage she felt at the thought of punishing Clarke for saving her people, Lexa co*cked her head in confusion.

„But we don’t have Klarke“

Anya fidgeted with her hands behind her back.

„I know, Leksa. Apparently she didn’t go back to Arcadia with her people. Nobody has seen her in the past month“

And for the second time that morning Lexas world broke apart.

————————————

Abby growled at Lexa as she stormed into the tent, ready to throw hands. Only Marcus hold on her shoulder stopped Abby from punching the girl.

„Where is my daughter“,

the woman hissed, voice dripping in frustration.

Just as Indra was about to interfere, Lexa held up a hand, meeting Abby’s gaze squarely.

„We don’t have her, Abby kom Skaikru“,

„What do you mean you don’t have her?“,

the doctor looked as aghast as Lexa had felt since she heard they were looking for Clarke. She musters the group in front of her, trying to seem calm and composed.

„I mean that I have no idea where Clarke might be, as I'm sure you've been informed upon your arrival,“,

somehow it felt wrong to say Clarkes name in gonasleng, but that was something she could think about later.

„Anya said you hadn’t seen Clarke since the mountain?“,

her throat felt dry again. She hated how much influence the blonde had on her.

„Since you betrayed us, yes“,

the brunette behind Abby looked at her with a raised chin, jaw set in place.

Lexa tensed at the words,

you betrayed her, its your fault Clarke is gone echoes in her mind.

„Leksa, be calm“,

the soothing voice of Becca Praimheda brought her out of her thoughts.

„Now is not the time for regret, you chose with your head, not your heart, now stand by your choice“

Lexa sighed.

„I can’t tell you where she is“,

Lexa stated, praying that nobody can hear the trembling in her voice,

„So if that’s all, I’d like for you to leave. Consider yourselves fortunate I'm allowing this confrontation to pass.“

As expected, Abby surged forward, though she didn’t get very far before Marcus held her back again.

„Abby, she’s not here, don’t start a war we will loose. Clarke wouldn’t want this“.

Abby visibly struggled with the situation, by how her entire body tensed up before loosing all fight.

„Of course, you’re right.“,

she conceded, her gaze fixed on Lexa

„But I swear, if I find out that one of your people hurt her“,

she left the threat open.

Rationally Lexa was aware that there’s nothing Abby could do, but the point was definitely received.

„No-one under my orders has or will hurt her, I swear that Abby kom Skaikru“.

„Sorry if your word doesn’t mean a lot to me“

Despite that, Abby nods tensely, turning to leave the tent. Her companions follow her, before the brunette who had been standing behind Abby stops.

„You know what, f*ck this“, she starts.

„Raven“, Marcus warns the girl, but she had already turned around to face Lexa again.

„No, Kane, not now.

You know what, Heda? You might stand there, with your armor and weapons and I’m better than you bullsh*t, sending us away but look at me and tell me you don’t care. Look at me and tell me you’re not worried where Clarke is, look at me and tell me that you don’t care that you’re the reason my best friend might be dead“,

it would’ve been more merciful if the girl had been screaming at her.

„You spend so many days planning, spend so much time around each other, look at me and tell me that Clarke meant, means, nothing to you.

You might act like a cold hearted bitch, but I saw you and Clarke before the mountain and back then you cared. I refuse to believe you don’t care about Clarke. I saw her scars vanish before the mountain, and I saw them return after you left“,

this draws several surprised gasps from the surrounding crowd, and if possible the Skaikru looked even more murderous at the prospect of Lexa breaking Clarkes heart than they did at the betrayal itself

„If I hadn’t taken you for a f*cking monster after you send those warriors after us, thought you were heartless when you had Finn executed and cruel when you cut into my flash for nothing, betraying your soulmate would’ve done it“,

Lexa flinched back, having her failures and doubts thrown at her face,

„but Clarke looked at you with so much hope that I don’t think a cold hearted monster could get from her.

I hated you after you left us at the mountain, but if it weren’t for Clarke I’d understand that you cared more about your people than about us.

But I will never forgive you for leaving Clarke, for making her commit genocide because you wanted your people safe not giving a damn about her. I will never forgive you if something happens to my sister because if you hadn’t retreated she never would’ve had to do what she did and she never would’ve left.

I think you’re cold and cruel but Clarke didn’t think so, so please prove her right because if Clarke was wrong about you that means I’ve lost my sister and I won’t accept that“,

Ravens voice started getting louder throughout the course of her speech,

„I don’t care about your title, or your duty right now I need you to look at me as Lexa, the person Clarke seemed to have seen under all that sociopathic cruelty and tell me that I’m wrong. Tell me that you don’t care, TELL ME THAT YOU ARE THE REASON MY SISTER IS LOST!“,

Unshed tears glisten in Ravens eyes as she stood face to face with the commander, and something in Lexa broke.

„Out“, she growled.

„Everyone but Raven and Anya, GET OUT“,

„Heda…“

Indra tried to intervene, but was quickly cut off by a venomous look from Lexa.

„Sha, Heda“

she bowed, ushering everyone out of the tent.

Abby stood at the entrance for a second, before Marcus gently took her arm to leave the tent with her.

Once everyone had left, Lexa got down from the pedestal of her throne, feeling heavier than she did before.

“Leksa, are you sure this is wise“

Fleimheda whispered in her mind,

„Your prerogative is the good of the people, they will see you as weak“,

Lexa shook her head,

“She freed us from the mountain, I can make them understand“

„I have faith in you, Heda“

The spirit concedes.

„Lexa?“

Anya asked carefully, snapping the girl away from the conversation inside her head.

In front of her Raven waits for a reply.

„I can’t do that, Reivon kom Skaikru“, Lexa admits

„To tell you I don’t care, would be to lie about the one thing I know to be true.“

The admission hurts more than expected, and judging by the way both Anya and Raven gape at her, they didn’t see it coming at all.

„Then why would you just send us away after you learned Clarke is gone?“

Raven whispers.

Because I can’t face what I did, because I’m scared what might have happened to her, because I’m scared I’ll find a shell of the girl I grew to lo… care about.

„I don’t like you, Commander“, Raven declared,

„But if there’s even a tiny part of decency in you then I’m begging you help us find Clarke. I need to know she’s safe“.

Lexas eyes closed, not knowing what to do. She was certain she could justify sending scouts for Clarke somehow, but did she want to put that much attention on the girl? Right now barely anyone knew what had happened at the mountain, if word came out, she didn’t know what that’d mean for Clarke.

„It’s okay to be uncertain, Leksa. But think of it this way, if you don’t send out scouts, what will happen? Weigh the options like I thought you to do“ ,

the spirit advised.

Pacing in front of Raven and Anya, she tried to clear her mind.

„If I send scouts for her, it’ll seem suspicious. My people will think I use warriors we need to protect our lands on a useless mission for a simple skaigada. If I help, I need a very good reason to want to find Klarke.“,

Raven nodded begrudgingly as though it makes sense.

„We didn’t break the alliance, commander“,

Raven began, her tone measured,

„Could we reinstate it if it has only been broken on your end? That way it would make sense for you to aid us in finding Clarke?“

Lexa shook her head.

"I doubt an alliance alone justifies dispatching scouts, Reivon."

Anya stepped forward, halting Lexa's pacing.

"Perhaps not solely an alliance, but what about incorporating them into the coalition?"

"But why?"

Lexa queried.

"Inviting Skaikru would require compelling reasons. Given the history of conflict, many will resist the notion.“

Raven tilted her head.

"While I can't speak for Skaikru, I doubt my people are eager to embrace the Commander's laws any more than yours wish to welcome us into the coalition."

„You’d only be subjected to them when dealing with other clans. But at the same time you’d be protected from attacks, you’d be allowed to travel freely in the Kongeda and you could secure trade deals with other clans“,

Lexa explained,

„and we, well, you have tek that can make living here easier right? Klarke told me about your medicine too, it is incredibly advanced compared to ours. If it weren’t for all the people who had died, I don’t think it’d be very hard to convince the ambassadors of you joining the Coalition“.

Lexa groaned,

„But there’s so much bad blood between us, I don’t see how we can justify not only a non-aggression pack, but actual unity“.

Both Raven and Anya nod, following the issue at hand.

"Hypothetically, if we were to join the coalition,"

Raven ventured,

"would you assist us in finding Clarke?"

Lexa nodded. For the first time in a month, she felt like she could do something to lighten the burden of leaving Clarke at the mountain.

„Then I think you should ask Abby and Kane back in here. They’ll be much more likely to have ideas on this“.

—————————

"I still fail to see how you propose to justify Skaikru's inclusion in the coalition, Heda,"

Indra challenged.

"After all that has occurred, neither side will readily join forces."

Lexa sighed, seemingly a frequent notion whenever she had to deal with Skaikru.

Reflecting on her earlier discussions with the past Commanders, she thought she knew how to sway her people towards accepting Skaikru into the coalition, even if she didn't entirely embrace the idea herself.

"Has anyone visited the mountain since its fall?"

she inquired, met with puzzled expressions and shaken heads.

„If we go to the mountain, show our people that it fell, that Skaikru - Klarke - freed us of their shadow, gave us the blood we deserved, I think they might be inclined to listen.“

She hoped, at least.

Though considering that Fleimheda agreed with her vessel, she was pretty confident that it’d work.

„So you’ll convince your people by showing that the mountain men died, we’ll convince our people by explaining the safety and opportunities we get through joining the coalition and then you’ll help us find Clarke?“

Lexa nodded in agreement with Abbys words.

„And the coalition won’t interfere with Skaikru’s chosen punishment for Clarkes crimes?“

The question was hesitant, almost as though Abby was stuck in between condemning Clarke for the actions she took and worrying about her daughters wellbeing should she choose to return.

Still, Lexa's anger flared at the insinuation, but she bit back the retort that threatened to spill forth.

„We won’t interfere with how you treat the person who saved you, should Clarke choose to return and remain a part of Skaikru“,

Lexa promised, hoping - praying - that Clarke wouldn’t have to face her people’s condemnation for doing the only thing she could have to save them.

Abby frowned at the girl, though any retort was interrupted by Kane stepping forward again.

„Alright then. I think we have a mountain to visit“.

The words sounded too cheerful at the reminder of pain, betrayal and broken bodies littering the place.

—————————

The ride to the mountain was silent, everyone lost in their own thoughts.

Lexa was at the head of the assembly, joined by Anya, Indra, Lincoln, Octavia, Abby, Marcus and Raven. Behind them rode a gonakru of 25, ready to defend should anything occur.

As they neared their destination, unease gripped the group.

Memories of the fallen warriors at the mountain's entrance flooded their minds.

How gruesome must their remains appear now, after a month of decomposition?

Lexa's stomach churned with sickness; she had made the decision to abandon their fallen comrades, denying them the dignity of a proper farewell.

The rest of the caravan braced themselves for the grim scene awaiting them.

The sight of lifeless bodies scattered across the ground, the charred remains of the mountain men within the bunker's halls—it all hung heavy in the air.

They remained silent.

After expecting the worst, nothing could’ve prepared them for the sight at the mountain.

Lexas eyes roamed the area in front of her in disbelief.

The field that used to be filled with the dead bodies of her people, was spotting bright and beautiful flowers.

Hundreds of Graves were lined next to each other and at the end of the rows stood a burnt down pyre, covered in flowers as well.

She choked up, turning to Skaikru.

„You say none of your people has set foot on the mountain since its’ fall?“

She asked, a part of her hoping that they’d tell her that they just hadn’t told her about sending a group of people to honor the dead. But the surprised faces of the Skaikru gave the truth away.

„Commander, are you sure none of your people came to bury the dead?“,

Marcus asked the girl.

„None would’ve entered the mountain voluntarily, not when everyone thought the maunon to be alive“.

„Then who could’ve…“

Indra trailed off, realizing who that left.

„Clarke came back?“ Abby choked up.

The graveyard in front of them, holding around 400 people, seemed so tranquil compared to the violence that had shadowed the mountain before.

„She honored our warriors“, Anya mumbled in quiet gratitude, making her way through the rows of graves towards the pyre.

Lexa turned to look at her people, who stood there with their heads bowed in respect.

„Scout around the area, if Clarke came back to care for the dead she might still be around“, she commanded, watching them dismount their horses to fulfill their duty.

Lexa takes that time to wander among the graves, joined by Indra, Anya and Skaikru.

„My baby“ Abby whimpered.

Lexa understood her reaction, she too felt nothing but sorrow for Clarke, who had shown so much strength to come back to the place that must be her worst nightmare to lay the bodies to rest.

„The skaigada is stronger than I’ve given her credit for“ Indra rasped, earning a surprised glance from the surrounding people.

It doesn’t take long for the first gona to come back, anxiously making his way over to heda.

„Moba, Heda, there is something you need to see“

The man said, gesturing in the direction of the front entrance of the mountain.

Intrigued, and maybe a bit worried, Lexa opted to follow the man, the others close behind.

As they reach the front entrance, Lexa stops in her tracks, letting out a deep breath.

„Clarke“, Abby murmured,

„I’d recognize Clarkes art anywhere“.

A stunning assembly of flowers painted the door, surrounding the daffodil in the middle of the arrangement.

The effect of the picture on the grounders was immediate, lowering their heads in reverence, a flash of fear crossing their features.

„Wanheda"

In the silence of the clearing, Anyas voice easily carried. Lexas hands tremble.

„Is it true?“

She asks the spirit in her head,

„Can Klarke be Wanheda?“

And keryon she prayed that the daffodil was just a coincidence, but something inside her told her it’s not.

She could feel Fleimhedas spirit come closer to the surface, as if they were longing to touch, to be with Wanheda.

„I knew you’d come back to me“ Fleimheda whispered.

As Lexa stood there, staring at the mountain door, Octavia send a confused look to Indra.

„What is Wanheda?“.

„Klarke.“,

Lexa answered in Indra’s state.

„Klarke is Wanheda. The commander of death returned.“

Skaikru sucks in a breath at the title.

„Call back the last scouting warriors, now. If they haven’t found Klarke yet she won’t be here anymore and we need to find her. We need to coordinate a proper search for Wanheda“.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

The following four months passed in a blur.

Between Skaikru voting for joining the coalition - it had been an incredibly tight vote that still had Lexa on edge, especially with all the issues that had been arising ever since -, convincing the ambassadors of Skaikrus value as the thirteenth clan and looking for Clarke, the commander had barely gotten any rest.

She was pondering over Clarkes whereabouts, when Anura - the Delfikru ambassador - demanded her attention once again.

"I must express our deep concern over the recent incident involving Skaikru traders within our territory.“,

she ranted on,

„Not only are they blatantly disrespectful, but they challenge anyone they do not agree with“.

Lexa resisted the urge to bash her head against a wall, as she was forced to listen to the other ambassadors joining in on the complaints about Skaikrus behavior.

Instead of giving the ambassadors a solution, she turned to Octavia - the current Skaikru ambassador.

„What do you have to say for your people?“.

Octavia cleared her throat gently, sitting up straighter.

„Since our traders have yet to return from Delfikru territory, I have yet to hear their side of the story, heda. But should Skaikru be the ones to start the altercations I will make sure that not only will we sent different traders next time, but that the current ones will face proper punishment“.

Lexa could basically hear the Delfikru ambassador fizzling in anger

„Proper punishments for your behavior are lashes and sanctions“,

the ambassador growled, before launching into a spiel of how any Skaikru should learn what being a part of the coalition entails.

As she goes on, Lexa urges herself not to drown her out once more, nor silence her more permanently.

You can’t throw people off the tower simply because they’re annoying,

she chastised herself, though it was very hard to stick to that mantra when - once again - the Delfikru ambassador managed to include the other clans into her demands of sanctions against Skaikru.

The meeting went on for another hour, going from territory fights to trade deals and when the ambassadors finally left, Lexa slumped into her throne, weariness etched into her features.

„We knew it wouldn’t be easy once Skaikru joined the coalition“,

Octavia remarked, electing a groan from the other woman.

The initial phase, before Skaikru's official inclusion, hadn't been too bad, really. Dealing with the troublesome elements of Skaikru - mostly those people that had been adamant on not joining the coalition for various reasons - had fallen to Kane as the chancellor.

He'd kept their interactions with other clans minimal (which suited Lexa just fine and seemed easy enough since they didn’t want to surround themselves with the `savages` - which, rude), so the most troublesome actions for Lexa had been to convince the other ambassadors of Skaikrus usefulness.

The amount of time she had to argue that no, Skaikru were not like the maunon, their culture was just different, and no they weren’t too weak, they just hadn’t had to survive on the ground and needed to learn but had so much to bring to the coalition, was innumerable.

But if that period had been headache-inducing, the real issues arose when Kane took the brand of the kongeda.

Several weeks after they had discovered Wanhedas return at the graveyard (Lexa still shuddered thinking about it), more and more Skaikru wanted to leave the confines of Arcadia, heedless of territories for hunting, or even trading deals.

Oftentimes there would be physical fights between members of any clan and Skaikru, over apparent disrespect. (Though Lexa had to concede that, for many older Skaikru, their reputation for disrespect wasn't entirely unfounded).

„At least most delinquents seem to be adapting“,

Lexa remarked with a rueful smile. And that much was true; relations between the younger Skaikru and the clans had markedly improved in recent months. Most (informal) trade deals were facilitated by the delinquents, stepping up to stop the adults from doing irreparable damage through their stubbornness.

„On that note“,

Octavia interjected, shifting the topic to the concern as to why she had even stayed after the meeting was over,

„Are there any news from the scouts?“

Lexas sour expression answered that question for her.

„I’m worried that Klarke is not just hiding“.

Octavia nodded, knowing as much. She had heard whispers of Azgeda and their Allied clans sending out scouts to find Wanheda, wanting to take the power of death for themselves. She could only hope that Clarke had realized she was being hunted and stayed away and hidden to keep safe.

She didn’t know and she hated it. For the past 4 months scouts had returned without any trace of the blonde.

Octavia, along with Raven, Lincoln and Anya had made a habit of going out one a month to look for the blonde, hoping that maybe she’d stumble upon them and show herself. So far their search had been fruitless.

As the two occupants of the room sank deep into their thoughts, the door crashed open with a resonating boom.

„Moba, Heda, I have news on Wanheda“ ,

for the first time in months Lexa thought she could breathe.

„Did you find her?“

She asked, trying not to show how much what had been said affected her.

„Well“, the scout averted their eyes

„Not her, no. But we found what we thing is her gun by a creek. It seems to have been there for quite a long while now, but it’s the first sign of her in a while. It is close to Azgeda territory, right at the edge of Trikru“

„Take us there“

Lexa ordered sharply, following the scout out of the room, Octavia hot on her tails.

It didn’t take long to assemble the group of people who’d go to the river.

Due to their status as ambassadors, Octavia and Raven - and thus Lincoln - were in Polis already, so was Anya, who had taken to be a part of Lexas guard.

Abby also stayed in the city, since she had been helping the fisas, learning their ways as they learned of Skaikrus in return.

„Heda!“ Lexa stopped her preparations, looking up to see Titus come her way.

Sighing, she stepped away from the group, opting to talk to Titus alone.

She couldn’t imagine him having something nice to say.

The past months he had tried to convince her that looking for Clarke was foolish and that the only reason to bring her to Polis was to take the power of Wanheda for herself (She had been trying to avoid him since, feeling sickened at the thought of harming Clarke).

„You cannot believe leaving for the skaigada is in any way a good idea“

Titus had reached her, looking at her with the typical poorly concealed condescension. Lexa resisted running her hand through her hair in frustration, instead adapting a diplomatic smile.

„She needs to be found, Titus. Wanheda will be a great value to the Kongeda. Once she bows to me the revolting clans will fall in line and Nia will loose her edge“

while technically true, she couldn’t help the bitter taste those words gave her. Yes, Clarke - Wanheda - submitting to her would quell the unrest of the past few months, but it very much wasn’t the reason she wanted to find her.

Despite the fact that she was reasonably certain that the blonde would never bow to her.

„Going yourself makes you seem weak, Heda. The ambassadors have already been questioning your strength since the retreat at the mountain, you cannot let a simple imposter-"

there they were, Titus insistence that a Sky fallen could never bear the spirit of Wanheda. Lexa interrupted the man before he said something to piss of Fleimheda as well as her.

„I saw the mountain, Titus. Klarke is Wanheda. And we need her“

„What you need is to slay the girl for her insolence. And if she is Wanheda you need her head to prove your strength. As your teacher and advisor I must remind you of my teachings. You cannot let foolish feelings stop you from doing what is right. Love is weakness, Leksa. You cannot afford to be weak“

Lexa wanted to growl at the man. His insistence on the matter was cause for many sleepless nights.

She could recount dozens of conversations (arguments) with Fleimheda and Anya coaxing her that no, love is not weakness, that the commander isn’t supposed to be alone. Until Clarke, she hadn't believed them, even now she didn't know. It made her hate the teaching nearly as much as the thought of hurting Clarke.

„Call me weak again, Titus“, her furious gaze fixed on him.

„I should remind you of your place. You are an advisor and teacher, I am Heda. You are not to question me“

Titus shrunk back.

„Moba, Heda, I didn’t mean“

„Yes, you did. I have given you leeway thus far, Titus. But if you dare continue questioning me or Wanheda, I will not be as merciful. Now leave me“

Titus looked like he was about to argue, continue insisting on his teachings. But even he could see a lost fight (or maybe he was just a coward), so with a quick bow he turns around.

„I hope you know what you’re doing, Heda“.

His words feel like a threat and she couldn't decipher why.

————————

It took nearly an entire day to reach the creak where Clarkes gun had been found. Lexa dismounted her horse, closely followed by the rest of the group.

The scout who had located the place stood next to Lexa.

„The gun was found next to the creek over there“ , they pointed towards the shallow river.

„From what we could see, there were no signs of a fight, but the gun had been partly covered by twines and leaves at this point, so we cannot be entirely sure“.

Lexa walked over to the spot the scout had pointed at.

Raven crouched down next to her, observing the gun.

„I can’t tell for sure because it’s obviously been a while, but from what I can see“,

her finger touched the barrel and came back slightly smudged. She looked at Lexa.

„I think the gun was fired before Clarke discarded it“.

If they hadn’t been on edge before, they definitely were now.

„Why would she fire a gun without a struggle? There is no body, no blood, nothing that indicates someone was injured here“,

The scout had switched to gonasleng for the sake of the Skaikru present.

„And thats not all, Heda“ they continued,

„It seems as though someone was running, but there was only one set of trails and they end in the river“,

the scout let the assembly to a path of still torn up ground and bushes.Lexa took a minute to study it, trying to come up with a reason as to why Clarke would run from seemingly nothing.

„We trailed the signs as far back as we could“,

the scout walked away from the creek to an ascent.

„It seems as though the girl tumbled down and stayed put for a while“,

They pointed at a deeper dent, where the ground still seemed slightly hardened from prolonged pressure on it, littered with broken branches. After so long it was barely visible, only there for very experienced eyes that were looking for exactly such a sign. If it weren’t for the few marks in between and the gun at the creek, Lexa would’ve easily chalked it up to an animal resting there for a short while.

„This is as far as we were able to track the movements, the path above is used by too many traders to give us any sort of cues after so long“.

Lexa smiled at them,

„This is already more than we found in the past 4 months. Mochof for bringing us here“.

Lexa turned to look at her companions, focusing mostly on Lincoln and Anya.

„If my estimation about the age of these marks is accurate,“she said,

„these tracks must be 4 to 5 months old.“

Lincoln nodded in agreement

„If I may, Heda, I'd guess these tracks are from before Klarke went back to the mountain. Something happened in between here and the graveyard that taught her how to move without getting spotted. Considering that the mountain didn’t show any tracks of her besides the graves and painting, it must’ve been after“.

“I might have an idea, little flame“

Fleimheda interrupted

„If Klarke awakened Wanheda, she would be there to guide your skaigada safely. Teach her the necessities“ ,

that made sense, Lexa acknowledged. After all, the guidance of the spirits has taught her a lot as well, given her the ability to pick those skills up much faster too.

„If Wanheda taught her how to move, we won’t be so lucky to find further tracks“,

she finally concluded out loud.

Abby hummed, still having a hard time wrapping her head around the existence of spirits (Though after she had seem Lexa control flames and lift boulders that should be impossible to move, she had to at least concede until she found a better explanation for those abilities).

„But we know where she was“, Anya asserts.

„We also know that she was at the mountain, cheekbones. And apparently she went there after this“,

Anya gave Raven an exasperated look at the interruption

„Maybe, but it is not unlikely she came back this way, is it?“,

Anya looks at the Skaikru.

„You know Clarke better than any of us, do you think she would’ve come back this way?“

Abby shrugged helplessly.

„Honestly, ever since we send her to the ground I couldn’t tell you what she’d do anymore“,

the mother whispered regretfully, at the same time as Octavia answered

„Yes, she would.“

The others attention switched towards the brunette.

„Think about it, she had just spend who knows how long taking care of the dead“,

Lexas jaw clenches at the reminder,

„that means she would’ve been worn out, both physically and mentally. And since she didn’t want to be around anyone, she would’ve gone somewhere she thought she wouldn’t run into anyone without having to think about it too much“,

Octavia was getting excited now,

„and where better to go than the place she had been to before where she probably didn’t meet anyone? She couldn’t go anywhere close to Arcadia and she’d also be careful to cross into other borders. And I know she must be at least partly aware of where the different clans reside, considering how much time she spend looking at the maps with Heda“.

Raven caught on, quick to agree with the assessment.

„She’d go somewhere she can be safe, but also able to live. You, scout person“,

Raven hesitates abashed,

„Im sorry I didn’t catch your name“

„Dela com Trikru“

„okay, alright, Dela. Are there any caves in the area? Anywhere you could hide out in?“

The scout thought about it for a while.

„There are some deserted caves and underground shelters in the zone between Azgeda and Trikru, only about two hours away. Nobody really goes there, since, well“

since nobody is too sure who the land in between actually belongs to, Lexa filled in for herself as the scout drifted off mid sentence.

„You are sure Clarke would’ve come back here?“,

she reiterated, needing certainty before she gave into the silver of hope she started to feel.

Even Fleimheda, who had grown to care for the girl after months of conversations with Lexa about the guilt she felt at leaving her, and her need to find the girl, came further forward in her conscience, warmth spouting from the spirit.

„I’m certain she’d at least seriously consider it“,

Octavia was interrupted by Raven yet again

„If I know her half as well as I think I do, she did“.

For the first time since Clarke had left, Raven was certain. She was so close to finding out where Clarke had been the past few months, she could feel it.

„She would need weapons and clothes to survive out here for so long“,

Anya threw in.

„Dela, are there any trading posts close by?“

The scout brightened up at the question.

„There is one just a three hour walk away from here“.

Lexas jaw set in determination.

„Bring us there“.

————————

Lexa tried to get the Skaikru to stay outside of the building, however they were too anxious to find Clarke to be willing to be left out.

„Alright“,

Lexa finally gave in,

„But I need you to stay behind us.

„Anya, Lincoln, Octavia and Dela, I want you to flank me and guard Raven and Abby“.

She pulled up the hood of her coat and took out the drawing of Clarke she had been carrying around with her for the past months, before entering the trading post.

„Sonop, what can I do for you?“

She was greeted by a woman in her twenties.

By the way her stance shifted, she didn’t seem too comfortable at the idea of several Trikru warriors entering her trading post.

„I need you to tell me if you saw this girl“,

Lexa demanded, showing her a creased drawing of Clarke. The girls breath hitched, concern clouding her face for a second before an indifferent mask fell back into place.

„If someone can stay hidden for so long, maybe they don’t want to be found“

the woman answered, chin raised in defiance.

Lexa was distinctly aware of her companions moving to draw their weapons, but she couldn’t care less at that moment. It was a roundabout admission that she had seen Clarke, probably more than once, judging by the slightly protective tone her voice had taken on.

„Who is looking for her?“,

the ash-blonde woman asked, not seeming too put off by the warriors itching to draw their weapons at her insolence.

Lexa signed at them to relax, studying the girl for a second.

„I am. Have you seen her?“

Lexa lowered her hood.

„Heda“

the girl gasped.

Having made her point, Lexa took on a hopefully slightly less threatening position.

„Something tells me you have seen her“ , the trader mustered Lexa.

She had heard many stories of the commander, most told stories of her merciless strength, her quick wit, intelligence and courage.

But at the same time she thought of all the stories Clarke had told.

Of clouded pain in haunted green, a gentle smile full of care and promises, unshed tears at the death of her people, righteous anger at the mountain, heartless betrayal for the sake of her people, but more than anything, what always stood out in Clarkes though was never explicitly stated, a soul of gold and a burden too heavy for a single person to carry.

Looking at the Commander, Niylah almost felt like she knew the girl in front of her.

She stayed put for a while, simply mustering the crowd.

Would Clarke feel betrayed If she entrusted the commander with what she knew?

Surely not if the blonde was in danger. And Niylah could almost feel that something had gone horrible wrong.

The people behind heda shifted, clearly uncomfortable at being mustered so thoroughly. There were four warriors flanking Heda and guarding the two people behind them.

Niylah recognized them from Clarkes drawings.

Raven stood tall, her hands clenching and unclenching in a steady rhythm.

Abby - Clarkes nomom - had her hand on the girls shoulder, the gesture supposed to be comforting, but by the tautness of her muscles the woman was probably digging her fingers into the girls skin.

Now that Niylah really looked at them, she could also recognize Octavia as one of the warriors. Next to her was Lincoln, Clarke had described him as a gentle soul, who loved too deep and cared too much. He was Oktavias Niron if she remembered correctly. One more person, Anya was recognizable from Clarkes drawings.

Anyas attention seemed split between Niylah and Raven, as though she didn’t know if she could confront the trader or comfort the - mechanic, Clarke had called her.

Niylah didn’t recognize the last person. She must be a scout, or simply backup should something go wrong so close to Azgeda.

It was rather surprising to see heda with so little guard so close to enemy lines.

Making up her mind, Niylah settled back against the counter of the shop, letting previously concealed concern slip into her expression.

„What do you want with Klarke?“

Lexa felt like those words were the shore she hadn’t known she needed.

Abby rushed forward, ignoring the warriors around her.

„You know where Clarke is?“,

Niylah frowned, eyes flitting over to Lexa for a second before she looked back at the doctor.

„She’d usually come by every few days“,

the trader admitted,

„but I“, she interrupted herself as though the admission hurt her. If Lexa didn’t know any better, shed say the woman seemed worried,

„I haven’t seen her in the past two weeks. She was supposed to pass by 7 days ago at latest, we were going to, well, anyway, she didn’t get here“.

Niylah averted her eyes from the older woman, crossing her arms in front of her chest

„I haven’t been able to find her. Im sorry, I don’t know where she is“,

it seemed like she wanted to say more before interrupting herself.

„When you last saw her“,

Raven didn’t know what she wanted to ask. Was she okay? Was she hurt? Was she healing from toe mountain? Did she plan to come back to us? To me? Apparently her last question was written on her face.

„She talked about you a lot, Raven kom Skaikru, always telling me anecdotes when she saw something you’d find funny. The best mechanic she’s ever known, though she has yet to explain what a mechanic does beyond and I quote „Making sparks fly and things go boom““,

Niylah giggled softly.

„just like she talked about you.“,

turning to face everyone else, a wistful smile appeared on Niylahs face, as though she had been lost in a precious memory,

„She’d tell me about Abby“, she revealed, facing the doctor, „how her mother was an incredible fisa and taught her basically everything she knows about healing“,

Abbys lips trembled, and she had to bite down on them to not start weeping right then.

„she also told me about Octavia“,

Niylah looked at the brunette seken,

„about your fierce friendship, about how you didn’t hesitate to call out what you thought was wrong“,

if Octavia hadn’t been holding onto Lincoln once Niylah started talking, she would’ve broken down right then. She remembered blaming Clarke for TonDC, then telling her she’s not good enough in front of the mountain and she never hated herself more than in that moment.

Niylah ignored the brunettes guilt-stricken expression, opting to continue talking to get her point across

„She’d tell me how you found balance in Lincoln, a steadfast and gentle soul who cared too much. She told me about how you, Octavia, were so strong, that the chief of TonDC made you her second“,

Still, Niylah continued.

„She’d also tell me about a general who escaped the mountain with her. She’d say that Anyas trust and loyalty were hard to earn, but she hoped she had won your friendship“,

Anya nodded, not prepared for the flood of emotions. Over the time she had spend with Clarke she had indeed grown to care for the girl as an ally. In another life, with more time (perhaps when Clarke returned?) She could maybe find a friend in the girl. Her humor and sarcastic comments had won the general over after a while.

Lastly, Niylah turned to Lexa. She wasn’t sure if she should share what Clarke had said about the commander, sure it was private. Well, more private than what she had disclosed already, though at least she had had Clarkes permission to share the previous information.

However right now she needed the people to understand that Clarke wouldn’t simply have vanished again, so she had to make sure they understood she still cared. She could feel guilty about divulging private information after.

„And she’d talk about you, heda. To quote her, the green eyes that haunt her dreams are the same eyes that help her push through and make it out alive“.

Dela stood to the side, looking at the group of people they had led here. They didn’t know a lot about the girl they had been searching for, but looking at the glistening tears and shaking shoulders of their companions, they realized that the girl must’ve been special indeed.

It took Lexa longer than it should have to gain control over her emotions once more, and she internally berates herself for that moment of weakness. It had been happening much too frequently for her liking whenever Clarke was concerned.

Fleimheda tried soothing her vessel.

They, too, were deeply affected by the words of the woman in front of them.

How could someone who had gone through so much pain care so much? Regaining control of the situation, Lexas mask slipped back into place.

„And you have no idea where she could’ve gone these past two weeks?“

Niylah shook her head.

„Well, she normally stayed at a cave not too far from here. But I’ve already checked it out, there was no sign of her being there the past weeks“,

Niylah shifted on her feet, „I’ve been going every day to make sure I wouldn’t miss her, but she hasn’t come back. I’ve taken her more precious belongings here, to make sure no-one would take them. It’s what she asked me to do should I ever worry that something happened to her. She said if she was alright she’d just pass by later to pick them back up“,

„Her stuff“, Raven interjected, „Can you show it to us? Maybe there’s a hint somewhere or…“.

The girl was grasping for straws, but given the situation she couldn’t blame her.

Niylah considered the request briefly, before nodding. Even if the chance of finding the slightest trace of a hint on Clarkes whereabouts in her belongings was minuscule, she owed it to Clarke to take the chance.

„I have them packed up in the bag, let me bring them here“,

she turned to the back room before she reconsidered.

„Actually, if someone could lock the front door you can just follow me into the back, it’ll be much more comfortable there“.

That's how Niylah found herself going through Clarkes belongings with people she had never met but felt like she’s known for ages.

The belongings were sparse. A few changes of clothes, a quiver and bow, some charcoal and pens - she had even found colorful ones - and, of course, the drawings.

Raven had been the first to spot them, a drawing featuring Arcadia at sun set. Sitting huddled together, they went through the pictures.

(Niylah had thought about protesting in favor of Clarkes privacy, but the girl wasn’t there and she knew some of those drawings would be valuable to the rest. As with disclosing what Clarke had confessed in private conversations, she could ask for forgiveness later).

Most pictures depicted animals or sunsets, Clarkes friends (Raven had choked up at a picture of her sitting in a mess of cables in the drop-ship) or her family.

A drawing of Clarkes father and mother standing under a waterfall had Abby nearly in tears. Niylah remembered watching Clarke as she drew the picture.

„She said he would’ve loved water had be come down with you“, Niylah explained.

„Oftentimes, when she’d have a bad dream“,

- she felt Lexa glower at her at the information that Niylah had seen the other woman asleep and it gave her a certain vicious satisfaction -

„she’d tell me about the things her father would’ve loved. How he used to teach her about the stars and would’ve been in awe about how much better you can see them from here, or how he’d probably walk around barefoot all the time because on the arc he’d always stand barefoot on a carpet, talking about how calming it must’ve been for people to stand on the grass“,

Niylah trailed off, realizing she had gotten lost in her memories again. She felt a hand on her leg as Abby looked at her with unshed tears glistening in her eyes

„Thank you“, the woman croaked.

Gently putting the drawing to the side, they turned to look at the next one.

And keryon, Niylah wished she had looked through all the drawings before letting the others see them.

The picture showed Niylah lying on her bed, the blanket low enough to barely cover her butt, legs poking out below. A few sun rays light up the room, casting Niylah in an almost angelic light. Her eyes were closed, still asleep. Her entire back was on display, Clarke had to have put a lot of effort into getting her tattoo just right. And, she realized with a blush, the hickeys and scratch marks Clarke had left on her body. Niylahs arms were spread across the pillow, holding it to her head.

She glanced up at Clarkes friends.

Octavia and Raven wore quiet, pleased expressions, as they studied the drawing. They seemed undoubtedly relieved that their best friend had found solace in the girl, though - from what Clarke had told her about the two - Niylah knew they'd relentlessly tease Clarke about the picture once she returned.

Anya remained absorbed in her own thoughts, her gaze never lifting, yet Niylah caught a flicker of movement as Anya's eyes briefly darted towards Lexa.

When Niylah followed the generals gaze, she felt a surge of relief for the others in the room, preventing the commander from actually murdering her. (Would this be cause enough for Lexa to execute her? Cause Niylah was certain it was one of the thoughts currently crossing the commanders mind).

Lexas expression was a perfect mask of impassivity, devoid of any hint of emotion. If it weren't for the slight smile she'd shown earlier, Niylah might have believed the commander didn't care at all. But now, that emotionless facade seemed tinged with a silent promise for pain.

Having a knife at her throat right now would’ve been much more merciful.

Niylah wasn’t sure if she should tell Lexa that Clarke was just a friend and that while they shared certain benefits, she’d be the last person to stand in Clarke and Lexas way if Clarke would ever be ready for that again. But judging by the quiet desperation rolling off of the commander, she opted to let the topic be for the time being.

She cleared her throat when nobody said anything, drawing the attention of the occupants in the room to her.

„We should focus on the drawings Clarke made of the people she spotted nearby, I know for a fact she had a habit of drawing some of the scouts she saw to recognize them later on should they come back.“

A short while later the stack of drawings was greatly reduced, only those that showed scouts from different clans in different areas around Clarkes cave still on the table.

Niylah was incredibly thankful for the girls habit of drawing anything she saw.

„We don’t have any proof that anyone snatched Clarke“, Anya stated carefully.

Several sets of eyes snapped up at those words.

„I understand the need to find her“,

her next words were directed specifically towards Lexa

„I also understand the need to bring this up with the ambassadors and demand answers. But right now we don’t have any information. We don’t know if she was taken and if so by who, considering that these“,

she pointed at the paintings on the table

„show at least 5 different tribal markings on the scouts. And given the increased amount of scouts in general Niylah has mentioned, it is very well possible that Clarke had to run and hide elsewhere before she had the time to warn Niylah about it“.

Lexa yearned to contradict her former fos, but she knew she was right. Even if someone had captured Clarke, there was nothing they could do until they had actual proof.

„So what“, Abby seethed, „we just let some - some monster hold my daughter captive?“

„No“, Lexa replied, „What we do is get the proof we need that someone captured Clarke“.

„Do you have an idea who we should look at especially?“

The uncertainty in Octavias voice made her sound so much younger than her age.

Lexa paused. She had an inkling (well really an educated guess), but she couldn’t just march Azgeda on a hunch.

„I’m not sure.“, she said instead.

„A huge part of me thinks it must be Nia, but I don’t understand why she hasn’t informed the Kongeda of Wanhedas death yet. She can be subtle, but she wants power over anything and she would get that by executing the Commander of Death. There are clans like Sankru, who would probably play nice with Clarke to get her loyalty, but…“.

She doesn’t know what her but is, she just wants to find Clarke.

As ideas were tossed between those occupying the trading post, Lexa found herself unable to shake the drawing of Niylah she had seen earlier, each glance at the older woman tightening her chest a little more.

Taking note of her vessels quiet distress, Fleimheda nudged the girl to take a break.

„Sitting here and not finding any solution to your problem isn’t going to help either“.

Lexa conceded the point, (secretly glad it had been the spirit who told her to take the short break), but she couldn’t allow herself to be affected by her weakness for Clarke. Instead, Lexa maintained her stoic facade, following the ongoing discussion.

Thankfully (or frustratingly, Lexa isn’t too sure), it didn’t take long for the discussion to come to an end. Without any specific evidence, there was very little they could do at that point. And rather than scrutinizing the same information over and over again, they decided to reconvene when more information became available.

On the journey back to Polis, Lexa clung to her commander's mask, refusing to let the emotions raging within her surface. She could feel Anyas concerned gaze on her, and refused to meet the generals eyes. She wouldn’t parade her weakness around, not even in front of the people she had learned to trust.

It took way too long for her liking to reach TonDC. It had already been well into the night when the group left the trading post. Niylah had offered to show them the caves nearby, as they wouldn’t reach Polis long after dusk, but Lexa had denied the offer, deciding to ride to TonDC instead. The village was a mere three hour ride from the trading post and thus in an acceptable distance. (Honestly Lexa just didn’t want to have to face Niylah the following day, she needed time to process).

As they entered the newly rebuild village, they were greeted by Indra, who had been woken by the guard who spotted their arrival.

„What brings you here so late, heda?“,

the village chief asked as she led the group deeper into the village, where the houses for visitors stood.

„We had business concerning Wanheda“, the commander explained, eyes directed right in front of her. Indra dipped her head in acknowledgement - which was about as much of a sign that the information had captured her attention as they’d get.

„You’ll be filled in before we depart tomorrow“, Lexa promised, as they came to a halt in front of the buildings. „For now, we have had a long day“, she gestured for her encourage to go into the building in front of them.

„I believe it is best to rest for the night before we follow up on any questions you might have. The rooms are the same as before I assume?“.

Indra nodded, „Sha, heda. The guest rooms are on the first and second floors, and your room is just as you left it last time. Is there anything I can do for you before you retire?“,

the request was met with a shake of Lexas head. „We’ll be alright, thank you, Indra“.

Entering the building, Lexa quickly showed everyone their guest rooms, before excusing herself into her own. She was so ready to sleep.

It took considerably less time than expected to brief Indra on the current situation and prepare for their departure back to Polis. Just like the previous day, Lexa spent the ride mostly in silence, though this time she could make out chatter behind her. She couldn’t get herself to join in.

The entire ride, she held her head high, her mask firmly set into place. It wasn't until she reached the safety of her private quarters in Polis that she allowed herself to retreat and confront the turmoil consuming her soul.

Anya seemed poised to follow, when Lexa excused herself only minutes after returning to Polis, but seemingly thought better, though the slight crease in her eyebrows wouldn’t leave, even as Raven demanded her attention to ‚get a proper f*cking break before the next hellish ambassadors meeting‘.

As for Lexa, she had just stepped inside her own chambers when her composure wavered, hot tears burning in her eyes, begging to fall.

„I know you care about the girl, but you cannot expect her to not move on“, Fleimheda chided their host.

Lexa paced restlessly, forgoing answering the spirit. Her mind was racing, filled with self doubt and regret.

If she had started looking for Clarke earlier, if she had never kissed her, (if she had never left at the mountain).

Deep breaths, she told herself, she couldn’t be mad at anyone but herself. And from how much Niylah had shown to know about Clarke - which was so much more than the blonde had ever entrusted her with, she realized painfully - the trader seemed to be good for the blonde. She was allowed to find love in someone who’s not Lexa. Its just that Lexa didn’t think she could find love in someone who wasn’t Clarke.

Lexa let her hand trail over her arm that used to be littered in scars, now gone thanks to Clarkes care. The scars staying away after she had left her taina at the mountain had given her a speck of hope that the girl wasn’t gone from her completely, but now…

She looked at her arm, suddenly wishing the scars would come back. She growled, grabbing one of the knifes in her belt and flinging it at the wall, where another dent joined those she had previously made by throwing numerous sharp objects at it.

She hated Niylah for being what she couldn’t be for Clarke. She hated herself even more for being at fault for Clarke finding comfort in the arms of a woman that wasn’t her.

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Several days ride away from the trading post, the blonde girl was lying in her cell. A thin rack of a blanket was throw over her as she moved fitfully in her sleep.

What used to be the ghosts of the dead haunting her, had turned into full blown night-terrors of way bigger proportions.On lucky nights, she’d still see ghosts, blaming her for all she’d done. She’d see the people she loved telling her she’s a monster, that she deserved everything that was happening to her.

Tonight was not a lucky one.

The dream had started off pretty harmless, walking through the woods she had spend 5 months of her life in, a panther thrown over her shoulder as she made her way towards Niylahs trading post.When she arrived, she found Niylah strung up on a wall, deep and angry gashed across her body.

„You left“ the girl seethed at her„You left and they came for me because I wanted to protect you. Because I cared. THIS HAPPENED BECAUSE OF YOU!“A figure appeared next to Niylah, similarly strung up. Raven looked at her through clouded eyes„I trusted you, Clarke. I was looking for you, look where that got me“.

Clarke stumbled back, falling over a body on the floor.Her mothers blue eyes stared up at her, ripped opened in terror and pain. Next to her Octavia, still bleeding heavily from a knife stuck in her stomach.

„They trusted you, Klarke“, the blonde turned to face the voice.In front of her stood Nia, a malicious gleam in her eyes. In her hands, she held two heads and Clarke wanted to scream, but no sound came out.Ontaris face was distorted from cuts and bruises, just as Roans eyes were swollen shut, barely recognizable in death.

„And look what you did, such a good little warrior for me“The woman cackled, pushing her out of the trading post.In front of her, bodies littered the ground, blood seeping into the grass below. Her friends lifeless eyes stared up at her. She felt warm liquid coat her body. Looking down, she spotted a sword in her hands, the one she had taken from one of the dead warriors at the mountain. It was coated in red, just like her hands and clothes were dripping in the thick liquid.

„N-no“, Clarke whimpered „I didn’t, I wouldn’t“

„Klarke com Skaikru“, the voice, devoid of any emotion other than disgust, made the blonde quiver.„For your crimes agains Skaikru, the Kongeda and Heda, you will face your execution at the capital“ ,

Clarke looked at the person, Lexas green eyes were filled with so much rage.„Leksa“, she sobbed,„Im sorry, I didn’t want this. I didn’t do this, please“ her words weren’t heard. Instead, hands roughly pushed her to the floor, tying her up.

As she was taken away, she couldn’t tear her eyes from the field littered with the bodies of her people and friends.

Clarke shot up on her cot, breathing heavily. The rapid movement pulled at the cuts and bruises littering her shaking body, but she couldn’t care.

„I’m sorry“, the girl muttered, rocking back and forth, „I didn’t mean to I’m sorry“. As she sat there, the cell door opened, strong arms wrapping around the broken girl.

„You’re okay, Klarke. It was just a dream, you’re okay“ Ontari murmured gently into the girls ear as she pulled her close, trying to soothe the haunted shell of a person. Wanheda too tried to coax the girl to breathe and soothe her mind, as Ontari gave her a way to physically ground herself.

„Moba“ the girl kept whimpering, and Wanheda and Ontari kept reassuring her that everything would be alright.

It took a long while of simply holding her and whispering sweet nothings into Clarkes ear, before the blonde finally calmed down, her exhausted mind slipping back into sleep.Ontari tucked her back into the bed. Looking at the beaten girl in front of her, she swore Nia would pay for her crimes.

——————

Right after Clarke was captured

——————

Clarke regained consciousness, only to find herself in a world of pain.

Every part of her body ached and the rough movements didn’t help. Clarke forced her eyes to open, surprising a groan at the headache the action caused.From her position, she could see the hooves of several horses, moving quickly over grass covered ground. She could feel the sun bearing down on her back, which told her she must’ve been out for at least a few hours.

Coming out of her groggy mind scape, panic began coursing though her body. The last thing she remembered was running away from a group of Azgedan scouts, then an arrow and then nothing.

Jok she thought, trying to get a sense of the situation she found herself in. She was thrown over a horse, one of the scouts - warriors? - sitting behind her as they rode. Her hands and feet were tied up and her body was secured onto the saddle of the horse. The places the arrows had stung her flared in pain, but she didn’t seem to be bleeding anymore. Chances were they had cauterized the wounds before putting her in binds.

„Are you there, Wanheda?“ She prayed the spirit could hear her. „Sha, strikon“ relieved, Clarke relaxed a bit, well as much as she could while being tossed around on the horse.

„So“, the blonde tried to keep calm „you got an idea to get us out of this?“mind you, spirits are very unpredictable. After eons of living, that was to be expected. But one thing Clarke had come to learn the hard was, was that Wanheda hesitating before sighing in defeat was never a good sign.

„There are eight gonas surrounding you, on top of the one behind you. While your injuries are healing up nicely, you are still injured and considering that they had poisoned their arrows, your body is weakened. You are bound very tightly to a horse that is traveling at approximately 35 kilometers per hour and neither you, nor me, are familiar with wherever we are“ Clarke cursed internally.

„So what you’re saying is I’m f*cked“ the blonde states.„Completely and thoroughly, I’m afraid“ .This day was going to be horrible.

The journey continued for another few hours, sun was setting by the time the horses came to a halt.

„We will rest for the night, before continuing our path at first light“ the voice behind her commanded. Clarke startled as she felt hands loosening the ties that were confining her to the horse.

„Don’t try anything smart, skaigada. I would prefer not injuring you more than absolutely necessary“ the girl spoke silently, as though afraid the other riders could hear her.

Unable to really move even after being untied from the horse, Clarke simply nodded.Apparently, that satisfied the girl (was it a girl? She sounded like one), as she hefted Clarkes’ body off of the horse.

„Make a fire and get some food started“ the girl barked into the direction of her companions, holding tightly onto Clarke.

Now that she was standing upright, she could make out the other riders. Admittedly, through her dizzy mind and hazy vision, most seemed to have two heads and various added limbs, but she figured her assessment of them being big and strong was still accurate.

At that thought, her body was filled with strength. Not enough to really stand up on her own, but at the very least her vision cleared and her thoughts lost their haziness.The girl who had been holding onto her - who Clarke still couldn’t see, she noted frustrated - picked the blonde up and carried her a bit away from the temporal encampment.

„Hey“, the former sky princess huffed indignantly, earning her nothing but a huff from the other girl.„If you’d rather walk, be my guest“. She wanted to argue, she really did, but at Wanhedas’ warning - and getting random bursts of emotions from the back of her mind was still weird even after several months - she opted to stay silent and let the girl carry her wherever they were going.Considering that she probably wouldn’t be able to walk more than a few steps right now, it wasn’t like she could do anything about it anyway.

After walking just far enough to be out of sight of the rest of the encampment, Clarke was lowered to the ground, finally getting a look at the person in front of her. The girl must’ve been a few years older than her, probably in her early 20s. She had pale skin and deep black hair. Icy eyes stared at Clarke. The other girl was taller than her by a few centimeters.

Somehow Clarke expected her face to be all sharp angles and Azgedan scars, but to her surprise, the girl had a slightly soft look to her. Her nose was slightly pointed up, and her soft jawline gave her a gentle look. Though, Clarke figured, considering that the woman had commanded the other scouts - who seemed much older - and seemed to be made up out of mostly muscles, she wouldn’t judge her on her face alone.

„I’ll help you relieve yourself, skai girl. I won’t untie you, nor will I leave you out of my sight. I’ve heard about your resourcefulness, but the journey is long and I don’t want you to dirty my horse nor have to stop for you during our ride“, the girl said in a no-none-sense voice.Clarke squirmed at the words, embarrassment creeping up at the thought of having to relieve herself with the other girl close by.

She was, however, aware that this was much more merciful than the older girl had to be, so she gave a short nod of understandment. Oddly enough, her easy acceptance seemed to relax the black haired warrior.

—————

Just as the girl had commanded, they continued their journey early the next day.

Clarke had spend the night tied to a tree, guarded by three gona at all times. If she didn’t hate how they made it impossible for her to escape, she’d think it was funny how paranoid they seemed to be.

Though, as Wanheda kindly reminded her, she had eradicated the mountain. And after training with the spirit for several months, she hd developed enough muscles and skill to be able to take on two of the gona. If she hadn’t been basically unable to get up due to the poison and ties, anyway.

As they settled on the horses, Clarke was prepared for another journey of being thrown over the horse like a bag of potatoes. To her surprise and relief, the girl from the day before untied her feet and told her to get onto the horse. For a second, Clarke was tempted to run. But the armed soldiers surrounding her made her reconsider. Besides the fact that her arms were still bound and the girl held onto the rope than connected her arms like a leash.

Glad that Niylah had insisted on teaching Clarke how to ride a horse, she got settled on the animal.

Before she could do anything, two of the gona grabbed her ankles and tied them on the saddle.

„So much for that“ she complained to Wanheda, who gave a tense chuckle at the humor.

The spirit had spend most of the night trying to find a way to get Clarke out of the situation, but whatever she thought, tied up and weak from the poison that would take days to properly leave her system - even with her advanced healing - there wasn’t a lot Wanheda could do for her reincarnation.

Before Clarke could ponder about trying to rip the horse from the gonas grasps and maybe hopefully ride away, the black haired girl had already mounted the horse. Her arms wrapped around Clarkes abdomen, holding onto the younger girl as the caravan continued their ride to Azgeda.

At least, I’ll be able to see snow the blonde thought. Her dad had taught her to always be positive, after all.

—————

Starting the second night of the journey, it just got worse.

It took several days for the caravan to get to the castle of Azgeda and it seemed like the gona enjoyed nighttime activities of beat up the spirit.

Thus, Clarke was tired and aching, her body mapping a field of bruises, by the time they made it to Azgeda (And yet she had the feeling she’d prefer continuing this journey over whatever the queen wanted with her).

As the neared the borders of the city where Nia resided, the riders began slowing down. The last two days, they had been riding through barren fields, slightly covered in a layer of snow.

Clarke was cold. When the gona had taken her, they had stripped her off her coat and outer layers of armor along with her weapons, leaving her freezing in thin layers of linen.

From behind her, Ontari - Clarke had learned the girls name after two days of annoying her with all kinds of nicknames - reached to put a coat around Clarke.

„Kwin Nia doesn’t want anyone to be alerted of your arrival“

the black haired warrior explained, covering Clarkes head with a hood. As such, the nice warriors and their prisoners entered the city.

The streets were mostly barren, except for some vendors opening their shops. After she had seen TonDC, the atmosphere left Clarke shivering.

Whereas the Trikru city had been bustling with life, even through death and war time, Absol - the cities name - was shrouded in an air of fear and misery.

Clarke remembered the stories Lexa had told her about Azgeda. About the mad queen, Nia, who ruled the lands through fear and violence, starving her citizens so she could have more of anything she wanted.

Gaining loyalty through fear and mental conditioning from early age instead of trust and faith. She had a sinking feeling that her time here would not be pleasant at all.

Nias castle was build atop a mountain hovering over the city.

Impenetrable walls surrounded the stone structure. The closer they came, the more warriors Clarke was able to spot.

A guard was staged on top of the wall, patrolling the structure. Warriors were stationed at the gates and several encampments were set around and inside the castle. There must’ve been several hundred gona just awake and patrolling where Clarke could see them.

As the party approached the gates, several gona found their way to the gates, watching them as they slowly rode towards the castle. No-one stopped them, and Clarke was pretty certain that was thanks to Ontari. She had only seen the girls interactions with the other nine warriors, but she seemed to carry a position above any other gona.

Clarke still hand’t figured out how someone with such an obviously high rank could be so… almost kind to her.

Not when the other gona were watching, but while they were riding, or when Ontari had made her clean, the girl had let the cruel facade drop and Clarke couldn’t figure out for the life of her why.

If she believed Lexa - which was much easier after having had time to cool down for nearly 5 months - the high positions of command only went to those who revered Nia. Those who enjoyed the violence, torture and wars she brought, and basked in being able to hurt any and all citizens simply because of the power they held. Ontari simply didn’t seem to fit that picture. Then again, Clarke thought, she was a very different people about the other gona so she couldn’t really say anything.

Lost in her thoughts, Clarke barely realized that they had Made it to the entrance of the castle. She chastised herself for not being more aware of her surroundings, but Wanheda calmed her by letting her know that she had kept a careful eye on everything.

Ontari led the stumbling girl through the halls of the castle, keeping a brisk pace.

Due to her weakened state, the other girl barely managed to keep up, being pulled forward by her binds whenever she fell to far behind. Thinking about the girl standing behind her, Ontari had to stop herself from biting her lip.

While Clarkes initial wounds had healed up rather well, she was still covered in cuts and bruises from the other gona having some fun with Wanheda before they delivered the girl to Nia.

Ontari cringed at the memories of the others beating Clarke as a nighttime activity when they were on guard. The first two nights, she had ordered them to let the girl rest, saying that the poison and injuries had to heal first, lest they kill the girl before they get to Azgeda.

But after those days, she wasn’t able to stop them. Doing so would raise question she wouldn’t be able to answer, raise mistrust she couldn’t afford lest they’d interfere with her and Roans plans.

While they were riding, Ontari would spend time talking to the sky girl while the other warriors couldn’t hear her. She didn’t explain anything, too worried about someone listening after all, but she did try to make the girl understand that the beatings was something she couldn’t stop.

She thought she got through to the girl, because while she still fought back, she didn’t eye Ontari with the same hate she had after the first night of beatings. And when Ontari had joined in, because she was supposed to be sad*stic, she was supposed to want to cause the other girl pain, Clarke had simply given her a sad smile.

„I might not know or understand you, snow-white“, she had told Ontari the next day, „But we all do what we need to survive“.

It was as close to forgiveness the warrior had ever gotten. And it made knowing what awaited the skai prisa so much worse.

Nia sat on top of her throne when they entered the room, giving the perfect picture of sociopathic cruelty that she was.

As Ontari - and thus Clarke - halted in front of the pedestal that led up to the queen, Nia got up. She walked down, bypassing Ontari to get a better look at Clarke.

The girl was still wearing the coat and at a wave of Nias hand it was ripped from the girl. Nia grabbed the blondes chin between her fingers, forcing her to look up at the queen.

„So this is the mighty Wanheda“ the queen sneered.

Ontari had to give it to Clarke, even battered in bruises and weak from the journey, she glared at Nia with a fierceness she hadn’t seen in a prisoner before.

„And you are the sociopathic Ice c*nt Ive been told about“ and Ontari didn’t know if she should laugh or shrink back in fear at the queens reaction.

Nia growled, hand wrapping around the girls neck so hard she started to choke.

„You will learn your place, Wanheda“ she let go, the girl dropping to the floor, gasping for breath.

„Break her in for me, Ontari“, the queen stroked the black haired girls cheek. „I will join you later this evening“

————

Ontari felt like she was on autopilot as she led Clarke into the dungeons. The girl walked behind her, silent except for a few raspy breaths.

„Strip“ Ontari commanded once they had reached the designated cell. Since she had captured the younger girl, she had seen fight and fierceness, refusal to give up even when she knew she had lost. But now she thought she saw a flash of fear. Sympathy overcame her as she quickly made sure there was no-one around to hear her.

Thankfully, Nia had chosen a secluded cell for her special plans concerning the blonde. Ontaris gaze softened and she took a careful step towards the blonde captive after closing the door behind her. She carefully untied the rope, revealing irritated and partly bleeding wrists. She winces at the sight. „Listen, Skai prisa“, she hoped her voice carried her sincerity,

„The things that are about to happen to you will be horrible. They will hurt more than anything you have ever experienced“,

not a great way to soothe someone, she chastised herself.

„But“, at that she takes the blondes hand as gently as she can, „You need to stay strong. Nia doesn’t only want your power, she wants to break you and then build you into her puppet to control. You cannot let her do that. You cannot“,

she hesitated for a second, meeting curious blue eyes,

„You cannot turn out like me“,

memories of leather whipping into her skin, water burning in her lungs, the dead eyes of her sister staring up at her at a sign of disobedience.

„Will you be the one to do it?“ The skaigada rasped.

Ontari swallowed, nodding as she feared her voice would betray her. She wants to apologize, plead with the girl to forgive her for the pain she is about to put her through. But the blonde doesn’t look at her like she’s afraid, her gaze is almost soft.

„Then we are in the same position, Ontari. Both tortured by an Ice queen without a heart. Wether it’s you or someone else, I’m guessing I’d still be here“

Ontari couldn’t disagree with that, so she simply shrugged. The blonde smiled sadly.

„For what it’s worth, I’m glad the person hurting me won’t be getting satisfaction out of it for themselves“

its as close as Clarke can get to an I will forgive you right then. She still didn't understand the other girl, but she looked so afraid, so haunted, that she felt like her own position might actually be the kinder one.

She felt Wanheda agreeing with her, anger rolling of the spirit in waves at what the queen had turned the black haired girl into. As Clarke stepped back to take of her clothes, she hoped that she would be able to forgive Ontari for what she'd be forced to do. And she hoped Ontari will forgive herself too.

Clarke felt vulnerable, standing in front of Ontari in only breast bindings and panties and the older girl shifted uncomfortably.

„Part of the reason people break under Nias ways, is that she makes them feel inhuman“,

the girl whispered guiltily.

Clarke needed a second to understand, before she turned to take her underwear off as well. Ontari swallowed, pointing at a chair in the middle of the room.

„I need you to sit down, Skaigada. I'll tie up your hands and feet“, she hesitated a second, „They’ll be tied to the legs of the chairs. And „, she held up a knife she had gotten from a table,

„braids are a sign of honor. In our culture“.

Clarke sighed, feeling like she knew what was about to happen.

„You need to cut my hair off“,

Ontari nodded.

„Well“, Clarke said, „No time like the present to rock a new hairstyle. At least if it doesn’t suit me no-one will see me for a while“

and at that point, Ontari knew that while she would be forced to break the girls body, she would do anything to protect her spirit.

„Make it look at least okay please“, the girl requested, leaning her head back a bit so Ontari had easier access to cut it off. And if Clarkes lips trembled as Ontari cut off her hair, nobody mentioned it.

Later, when Clarkes hair was a short mob against her head and her limbs were secured to the chair, Ontari crouched in front of her, making sure she avoided looking anywhere but at Clarkes face.

„Nia will be here in a while. Before she gets her, I will need to - as she puts it - break you in. Please know that anything I do is needed to stop her from punishing me by making me hurt you even more“

Clarke nodded, giving a small smile.

„I know, Ontari. I'll be okay.“,

Ontari doubted that, while it was not a skill she was proud of, she could break experienced gona within two days. But looking at the blonde she prayed that the girl would survive. Just as she was about to grab a knife to start, Clarke interrupted her.

„I might not talk to you, during this time“, the blonde warned, „I can distance myself from this, but I won’t be… here, per se. Ill feel it physically, partly, but mentally ill be away“ ,

Clarke didn’t know why she trusted the girl with the information of her mind space, but both she and Wanheda felt like they could trust her, and at this point she had nothing to loose anyway.

Ontari looked like she wanted to ask, but decided that the less she knew the better for the time being. Her hand wraps around a knife.

„Whenever you’re ready, skai prisa“

——————

By the time Nia came into the cell, Clarkes body was reduced to a map of cuts and bruises.

Her entire body was shivering after she had been doused in ice water and the freezing temperatures of the dungeons didn’t help.

The entire time they had been here, Clarke hadn’t made a single sound. She looked coherent, even glancing up as Nia opened the door, but something in her gaze told Ontari that the girls mind was somewhere very far away. She was glad for that, the pain after would be horrible enough without technically experiencing it happening.

Nia hummed in appreciation as she looked at the blonde.

„It is going well then“ the queen smiled.

Sometimes she thought Ontari might be getting weak, considered punishing the girl to obey, but with this mission the girl was showing that she was as much of a puppet as she had been since her little sisters death.

The raven haired girl straightened. She thought about agreeing, but knew that the queen would question her quick agreement after she realizes that beyond whimpers in between the blonde won’t make a single noise of pain. Thus Ontari schools her features into a frown

„I wouldn’t be sure, ai kwin. When I ripped her clothes“

Ontari had, in fact, not ripped her clothes, but tore them apart before Nia came to give the appearance that she did,

„the prisoner simply growled and when I cut her hair, she didn’t say a word and when I beat her body, she stares at me in contempt, refusing to utter a single sound, ai kwin“.

Nia didn’t remember the last time she had been really intrigued by someone.

The last person who had evoked even a passing interest had been Costia, who had somehow stayed strong and loyal towards the false commander until she cut off the girls head. But the blonde in front of her might just be interesting for more than her power.

„Take off the head of the chair“ Nia ordered.

As she walked around to the table, she felt the blondes eyes on her.

Be scared the woman thought, as she grabbed a leather strap from the table, be very scared.

She turned back towards the skaigada, playing with the rod in her hand.

Ontari had removed part of the chair, leaving the blondes back free for access. As the queen walked around her prisoner, she took a swing, hardboiled leather straps crashing against delicate skin, leaving angry red welts in their place. The blonde didn’t utter a sound.

How interesting, Nia thought, raising to tool again.

After what felt like hours, Clarke was drenched in sweat. The whip had started drawing blood about 20 hits in and the crimson liquid flowed freely from the blondes back.

The prisoner barely registered any of that. She was lying in the grass, the sun shining at her face. Wanheda lay next to her, looking at the clouds.

„Thank you“, Clarke said, „For helping me escape“.

Wanheda turned to look at the girl. During their travels, when the guards would beat the girl up, she had created the mind place for them. Its where Clarke could go to escape wherever she was.

It didn’t stop the pain, especially because she needed to keep up enough of a connection with the real world to make the girl seem coherent, but at least she wasn’t stuck in a cell deep in the castle of a mad queen.

Clarke grunted in pain as her brain reacted to the trauma her body was being put through. Wanheda hated that she couldn’t keep all of it away from the girl. As though Clarke read their mind, which actually wasn’t too surprising, considering that they were technically the same person even though they hadn’t merged yet, bumped her shoulder into Wanhedas.

„I would be in much more pain out there, Wanheda. Id feel the injuries for longer than when they’re being inflicted, and id feel every single cut and bruise. You might not be taking all of them away“,

as if on command Clarke whimpered as her pain receptors were set off again,

„but only feeling the worst ones for a short time is a mercy as to what id feel without you“.

That was true, the spirit conceded, but the guilt for being unable to protect Clarke settled deep within her bones.

Nia was meanwhile getting frustrated. The girl had barely let out a whimper and as she moved to the girls front to hit her thighs and her crotch to draw noises from the girl, she didn’t get more satisfaction than a contorted face and small grunts.

Nia lowered the whip, begrudgingly admiring the girls strength. If she could break the girl, she thought, shed make a formidable pet. Nia smiled at the battered form before her. Formidable indeed.

„Ontari“, she barked. The girl stepped forward.

„I want you to keep this up. Do your worst, pet, and you will be rewarded“,

she didn’t know how yet, but she was sure to find something Ontari would value. And to take away should the girl disobey.

„Sha, ai kwin“, the warrior forced a smile on her face.

„As for you“, the queen turned mustering the blonde.

Inside the mind scape, Wanheda noted that Nia was talking to Clarke.

„Child, I need you to go back“, she warned, hating how fear flashed through Clarkes gaze

„I will hold the pain back for as long as I can, maybe 10 minutes, but Nia is talking to you child and you need to answer lest she does worse“.

The queens cold gaze is fixed on Clarke as the girl comes back to herself.

The shift is subtle, her gaze clearing slightly, body tensing up in a way it hadn’t before. Nia studies the blonde a while longer as Clarke holds the queens gaze.

„You will stay here“, she turns to Ontari

„For the next month, you will break her body but I feel like you won’t break her soul.“,

Rage fills the queen as she realizes that she can’t touch Skaikru without starting a premature war since they had joined the coalition.

„Once the month is over, she will train. You will make her the best warrior that has ever been. She will train every day of every week, except for eight mornings a fortnight, where you will bring her back in here to break. After 2 months we will introduce her to the pits“

Nia holds up her hand, as she feels Ontari starting to say something, already knowing what the problem was

„She will fight without a name and title, no-one will know who she is. Make sure she can beat anyone“,

the queen growled at Ontari,

„I will have not have my champion in the pits embarrass me“.

Ontari fights the urge to gulp, bowing to the queen.

Nia looks at Klarke.

„Do you understand that skai fallen“,

Clarke raises her head to look at the queen.

„Sha“

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

It was interesting how close you can grow with someone who is partly responsible for the worst pain you have ever been submitted to.But as the month passed, Clarke learned to value Ontaris presence.

After the first day Nia had her moved to a different room.It was split into two parts, a living area with shelves, a moderately comfortable looking bed and desk to eat, and a small cell right next to it.The cell held a small space for a toilet and a rag covered bunk that barely passed as a bed. A small slot under the door of the cell made it possible to get food.

Ontari had had to carry Clarke to the cell the first night, sending for a fisa to clean the girls wounds. Once the fisa had left, the two girls were left alone. Ontari got comfortable in the living space, as Clarke lay down on the hard rack.

At first, neither had talked, caught up in what had happened that day, until.

„If we are gonna be roommates, you might as well call me Klarke“.

Ontari had stared, and Clarke had smiled.

They had spend time talking after that. Getting to know each other. And by the time they went to sleep, Clarke couldn’t help but think that Ontari would make a great friend.

Roughly a week into her imprisonment, Clarke found herself lying on her stomach on the cot, her back a mess of cuts after that days session.

(Though admittedly, she did prefer the physical punishments over the waterboarding, it was always incredibly hard to stay in her mind space when everything told her she was drowning.)

Alas, she was spread across the cot, when she heard the door to Ontaris room open.

She drew in a sharp breath (tensing up had become much too painful), already expecting to be pulled out for another session (it had happened before). Instead, Ontari got out of bed with a smile, clearly happy to see the intruder.

Said intruder greeted the woman, before his eyes found Clarke laying on her cot.

Coming over with Ontari in tow, he winced at the sight of Clarkes injuries.„You’re not going easy on her, are you Tari?“

The mans voice was surprisingly soothing to Clarke, who had decided to stand up when she saw him walking over (She had regretted that decision almost instantly but was much too proud to lay back down, though by Wanhedas silent fuming she’d get a lecture about that later).

„Klarke, meet Roan“, the warrior introduced, unsuccessfully trying to mask how she had recoiled at Roans statement.

Clarke waved awkwardly, a bit lost at the situation. Roan chuckled.„Ai laik haihefa kom Azgeda. Nia ste mi nomom“ he explained, as though that would clear everything up.

Judging by Clarkes ridiculed expression, it didn’t. He looked at Ontari in slight exasperation.„You didn’t explain?“ The older girl shrugged„We were a bit busy“ snorting despite himself, Roan eyed the blonde.„I can see that“.

Turns out, Clarke and Roan got along great.

After the rather stiff introduction, the two Azgedan natives explained how not a lot of people in Azgeda stood behind Nia.

Most citizens were too afraid of what the queen would do, should they ever go against her. None of that surprised the blonde, as it was pretty much what Lexa had hinted at as well (the thought of the girl still send a pang of pain through her heart).

What she hadn’t been aware of however, was that Roan and Ontari had been building a network of warriors, spies and assassins, who were ready to rise against their queen.

But due to Nias tight grip on a majority of the leading positions in the army and the citizens, they had no way to win any kind of fight against the queen as it is.

„So what is my role in this?“ The blonde asked once the two had explained the basics.

„You’re our solution. Kind of like our bomb, really. My mother rules through fear.“ (Clarke was aware of that. Why else would Nia want her to bow to her instead of killing Clarke. Controlling the commander of death makes her seem so much more powerful than wielding that power - especially because the idea of holding the power of a spirit when you killed a vessel is wildly argued about.)

„Our people need someone whose reputation makes her seem much less terrifying.“

„So you need me to rise up against Nia?“ The two nodded.

„And how do you expect me to do that? Don’t misunderstand me, if there is a fight against Nia I will join, because Azgeda deserves better and I won’t let innocent people get hurt over a selfish royal sociopath“,

Wanheda hummed in agreement with her words,

„But right now I don't see any real way out. I can fight, sure, but I don’t think I’d hold myself against more than two warriors at a time, Nia is keeping tight security on me, judging by the amount of guards around this room“,

the other two winced at the remainder that those guards meant Nia didn’t find Ontari entirely trustworthy,

„And even if I could get out and join the fight, we’d be grossly outnumbered with no chance of survival once the fight starts“.

„Well, you’re not wrong about any of that“,

Roan send Ontari an incredulous look at the admission,

„But there’s always time to figure it out. You’re right, without the Kongeda behind us we don’t have a chance. But Heda won’t start a war against Nia without cause, inviting her to the coalition after my nomom killed Costia showed that already. And while our people hate Nia, she also has them believing that Heda is weak. And they won’t follow a weak leader“

Roan leaned forward to look at the blonde intently,

„But they will follow Wanheda. They will follow the mountain slayer“.

Clarke considered the words, a part of her scared of what that meant for her future.

„If we do that, I need to get stronger. Much stronger than I currently am“

„I can help you with that, strikon“ Wanheda interrupted.

„The strength and fighting will come. Both Ontari“, she looked at the woman, „And Wanheda can prepare me“.

„So can I“, Roan threw in, earning himself a raised eyebrow.

„Im the best sword fighter in Azgeda. If I join your training for the pits once or twice a week, I can always say Ontari asked me to be your sparring partner because you’re supposed to become the best“.

Clarke nodded.

„Only issue is, how do I get out of Azgeda and find Leksa?“

The familiarity when using the Commanders name drew a surprised sound from Roan, but he decided it’d be better not to ask. From what he heard, the Commander had left Clarke at the mountain, breaking the girls trust beyond repair, which wasn’t something he was too keen on bringing up any time soon.

Besides that, neither Ontari nor Roan know how to answer the question. It would be much easier if they knew what exactly Nia had planned for the girl.

„Well“, Wanheda cut through Clarkes musings,

„From where I stand there are three choices. The first would be that Nia lets you go“

the blonde snorted incredulously at the idea

„No, hear me out, strikon. Normally, Nia makes her prisoners fight in the pits for up to 6 months before they are given the choice to serve her or to be released. If she wants you to fight as an unnamed prisoner, you might get the same choice. She does tend to send assassins after those she releases, but that’s something we can deal with when it comes to that. The second option is to try to escape. I don’t have any information regarding the guards, traps or area. And i’m sure that Nia expects you to attempt to escape, which means doing so would be incredibly hard. But with enough patience and planning, I am sure we will figure something out. Especially with Roans and Ontaris help. Now the last choice Im hesitant to bring up. Nias goal in all of this is for you to submit to her. You could Make it seem as though the fights in the pits were breaking your spirit, until all that is left of you is a shell of pain and anger. Anger at Leksa and the Kongeda, a deep rooted wish to make them pay for what you went through“

Clarke sickened at the notion of betraying Lexa. She had long since come to accept, that while the commander might not care for her (And in the dozens of conversations they’ve had about the topic Wanheda still disagrees, stupid reasoning about how her scars had disappeared before the mountain after all), she cared about the commander too much to betray her like the other girl had done, even if it was only a temporal betrayal for a greater goal.

The death spirit noted the girls unease.

„I did say it was an option i’m hesitant to mention. Not for the apparent betrayal, but because if I were Nia“, she shuddered at the comparison,

„I would make you bow to me and swear fealty with a blood oath in a public setting before I use you. And once you made a public blood oath, you cannot go against Nia. Doing so would mean your word means nothing, that you’re dishonorable and disloyal. No-one would follow you“

She hated it when the spirit was right.

„So? What did they say?“ Ontari pressed, used to Clarke zoning out of conversations when she’s talking to Wanheda.

„Well“, she relayed what the spirit had said.

„I’ll do my best to find out what I can about the security measures my mother put in place“ Roan promised, which was something he had already been working on anyway.

„I cannot be sure she’ll give you the choice to be free, but we can prepare for the second option in any case“,

Ontari was quick to agree.

„I will train you harder than anyone, together with Roan and Wanheda we will make sure you become the best. And then if she doesn’t let you go, we make sure you escape“,

Ontari squeezed Clarkes shoulder.

„You will be free from here, we will ensure that“.

—————

For the next month and a half, it turned into a bit of a habit for Roan to slip into their quarters every few days.

Through training and planning, the three had grown inseparable.

A part of Ontari worried about how much she cared for the younger girl, who had become like her sister, because the following day, the girl would be standing in the pits as Nias champion, before leading a war against Azgeda that wasn’t even hers to fight and everything inside of Ontari screamed to get the blonde out of there before any of that happened. Free her from her cell, take her far far away from all the death and heartbreak.

She had brought it up with Roan once and he had simply wrapped her in a hug.

„She won’t let us do that, Tari“, the older mans voice sounded weirdly choked up as he admitted that.

„She is born to lead, born to fight for those who can’t defend themselves. There is no way she’s backing out of the fight“

And Ontari knew he was right, just as she knew that he too itched to grab Clarke and make a run for it.

Every day when cuts from the torture littered the blondes skin and Clarke wrapped Ontari in a hug to tell her its okay, the older woman wanted to beg the girl to run.

Every time the blonde woke up in screams of terror, she held her little sister and wished she could keep her safe from the rest of the world.

She hated it. Roan hated it too. But, she looked over at Clarke, sitting in a meditative stance as she and Wanheda trained in her mind scape, the blonde would never want that.

So Ontari would do what she could to protect the blonde from the sidelines.

——————

Meanwhile, Nia was lounging on her throne, one of her spies crouched before her.

„The scouts have yet to be successful to find Wanheda, ai kwin. Allegedly the false commander is still sending out scout missions for the girl, though it has been seven months since the mountain fell. Apparently she even goes out herself at times, spends days away from Polis to find the girl“,

the spy looked up at the queen,

„My informant told me she is as lost as she was when you took her love away“.

Nias face lit up in a vicious smile. That was something she could work with.

A wave of her hand dismissed the girl, and Nia made her way to her chambers.

Pulling out hair she had stored in a bag around two months ago, a blonde lock twirled around Nias fingers. She smiled.

She had a brilliant idea.

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

The morning of her first fights in the pits, Clarke barely managed to make it through breakfast without throwing up. Ontari and Roan gently coaxed the girl to finish her food.

„You need your strength, Klarke“, Roan said „You might be stronger and more skilled than your opponents, but you cannot let yourself go into the fight in a weakened state“, Clarke knew he was right.

Once she had eaten, her self-proclaimed older siblings led her through the underground tunnels to the pits. Her fight would be the last one to take place, Ontari had explained.

While she was waiting for the others to finish, she would be getting a small personal training area to warm up and stretch, as well as come back to after if she won her fight to wait for medical care if needed.

On their way to the pits, they passed several gona who bowed to Ontari and Roan before quickly averting their eyes. None of them recognized Clarke and she was glad for it. The girl from before the mountain was barely recognizable.

Wanheda and her had continued merging, thus Clarke had taken on a lot of the spirits physical attributes.

Her (even before) pale skin now spotted the blue tint Wanheda warned her about, her blue eyes had developed the slight purple hue and her short hair had paled into a nearly whiteish blonde. Thanks to the consistent training with Roan, Ontari and Wanheda, her physical body had gone through vast changes as well.

Gone was the soft princess from before, now she stood at 1.8m tall, taut muscles covering her impressive build. Ontari liked to say that Clarke looked like an angel of death. She fought like it too. Merging with Wanheda had given her some of the experiences of all her past life times, and while she still missed practice in the body she inhabited, the skills she had earned made even Roan and Ontari barely able to beating the blonde in a two on one.

As the three stepped into Clarkes designated training area, Ontari closed the door behind them, giving the three some privacy from the outside world.

„You are ready, Klarke“, Roan promised, wrapping the girl in a hug. She clenched her fists in his shoulders. „I don’t want to kill anyone, Roan“, she had been struggling with the notion since she had found out what the pits were.

At first, she had decided that she wouldn’t fight. She’d go to her first fight and let her opponent kill her. It had taken Wanheda a while to convince her of the stupidity of the plan.

„The people you will fight will not survive wether they kill you or not“, the spirit had snapped at some point, „Because they will have to fight someone stronger who will kill them then or they will die to the assassin Nia sends if they don’t join her ranks. And if you fight anyone who is not a prisoner they will be those that follow Nia because fighting in the pits when you are not a prisoner is an honor in the eyes of those that follow the queen. They will not be innocent, Klarke“,

neither am I, the blonde had thought, remembering the faces of the 1140 people she had killed within just a few months.

„No-one who survives is innocent, Klarke. We hurt people and we kill them and we loose our own, that’s how we survive. But you are needed to stop this, goufa. Not once have you killed for callous reasons, not once have you enjoyed taking a live, not once have you dishonored the dead. Don’t dishonor them now by dying an easy death“,

it was mostly the last sentence that got to the girl. After the mountain she had sworn to protect the innocent and honor any that fall in that fight. She couldn’t just give up because she’s scared.

„Plus“, Wanheda had said, sensing that they were close to getting the girl to see their point, „do you want your friends and family to get the news of your death at Nias hand? Do you want Leksa to get another package delivered with your head in it?“

Wanheda hated using the other girl against Clarke, but when reason failed the commander seemed to be the only thing to bring the blonde back to herself. It had taken Clarke finding out how Lexa had taken her disappearance, to see that the commander cared more about her than she had hoped to think. Wanheda wasn’t done though, the blonde needed one more shove, „Do you want Ontari and Roan to suffer for your failures when Nia gets mad? And mostly, do you want them to never escape her wrath because you aren’t there to lead their troops at Leksas side?“.

Clarke felt Roans hand on her shoulders, the other forcing her to look at him. „The people you kill do not define you, Klarke. Why you do and how you deal with it do. And fighting for the safety of everyone else while hating the death on the way does not make you a bad person. You aren’t a monster, Klarke“, he repeated the words he had heard her scream in her sleep so often.

„You are a leader and a protector and right now this is what you do to save the most you can“. Ontari moved next to Roan, putting her hand on Clarkes other shoulder.

„He is right, Klarke. You are not who you kill, this is not your fault. You cannot hold yourself responsible for deaths that are Nias fault“. The words don’t quite get through to Clarke, but she is thankful for them none the less. Sensing the girls reluctant acceptance, the other two let her go, giving her some space. „How about we use this time to actually be productive?“ Roan asks, drawing his sword.

About an hour before Clarkes fight is supposed to start, a servant enters the room to notify the occupants of the time. As the servant is about to leave, Ontari quickly walks over to him, ordering him to her chambers to grab some things for Clarke.

It didn’t take very long for the boy to come back, carrying a wooden box with the help of three other people. Clarke looks at them in confusion, as she does her stretches in preparation for the upcoming fight.

Once alone again, Ontari turned to Clarke. „I“, looking at Roan she corrects herself „we, thought, that since you will spend some time here, the least we can do is make sure you have good equipment for your fights“. Clarke had gotten up by now, joining Roan and Ontari by the box. The man smiles at her, before lifting the lid off of the box. Inside, Clarke could make out the most beautiful armor she had ever seen. „Can you help me put it on?„ she whispered in an awestruck tone, pointing at the armor. „Anything you need, kid“.

The armor was made out of blackened, hard boiled leather. It sat light enough to leave her room to move, not constricting her speed, but strategically placed iron plates protected any vulnerable spots. Blue highlights swirled over the garments, giving the illusion of icey flowers ranking up her sides. Black armguards covered her forearms, eating in a triangle shape over the blondes hands. A shoulder pauldron sat on her right side, protecting her slightly weaker arm. The armor ended just below her neck, where a dark blue cloth sat.

Roan helped her pull it up to cover her face, along with the attached hood that hid her hair underneath. „That way no-one will recognize you“, Ontari explained. „We thought about getting you a helmet, but you’d always complain how the weight put you off your game. The hood should give you no such restrictions“. And Ontari was right. Even though the hood should’ve limited her peripheral vision, it sat tight enough and far enough back on her head, that her vision wasn’t narrowed at all.

Checking herself in the mirror, Clarke was amazed at what she saw. Hair and face hidden from view, you couldn’t make out a single feature. The armor covered her entire body, gloves spanning over her hands, that even her skin wasn’t visible anymore. „The black will hide your blood from anyone who is not in close vicinity to you. Since you’re bleeding kind of purplish right now before it’ll turn blue, we thought it best to have no-one realize“. Clarke gave her friends a grateful look, before realizing they couldn’t see her face anymore.

„Its perfect“, she whispered. While yes, Nia wanted her to stay unrecognizable in the arena, she was also glad for the chance of anonymity. If word came out that Wanheda was fighting in the pits, there would be countless of warriors challenging her for her power, much more than Nia would pitch her against already. The other two smiled, „I’m glad you like it. However“, Roan turned around to grab something else from the box, „No armor is complete without the proper weapons for it“. Clarke couldn’t describe how grateful she was for her friends.

It wasn’t long before she was called to the arena.

Standing in front of the gates that would lead her into the ring she turned to look at Roan and Ontari once more, before she remembered that they had had to leave her before she went into the entry area. She could hear cheering from the pits, alerting her that Nia must’ve started announcing the next fight. Blood rushed through Clarkes ears and it takes Wanhedas interference for the girl to get her nerves back under control.

„…their debut fight“, she hears Nia announce to the crowd, „I introduce to you my chosen champion of the pits!“ At these words the gates in front of her opens, signaling Clarke that she had to enter the arena. Straightening her shoulders, she walks through the gates, emitting an air of calm confidence that she didn’t feel.

The crowd went wild, hushed conversation of just who this person was, joining shouts of excitement. For the people in the stands, Clarke was an enigma, a warrior no-one had heard about, introduced as the queens champion. They didn’t know what to think, but as they saw a hooded figure confidently stroll into the death fields, dual wields strapped to their back and a row of knifes strapped to their waist, they screamed in support of the girl.

As Nia went to announce her opponent, Clarke took the time to look around. The arena itself consisted of a fighting ring in the middle, about the size of an old-world baseball field. All around it were seats, starting three meters above the ground. Hundreds of people sat in the seats, leaving about three quarter of the seats empty. According to Ontari the arena was build to hold 2.500 people in total. Standing there under so many watchful eyes who were about to witness her first kill in the arena, Clarke suddenly felt so small. She tried to calm herself again, looking for Roan and Ontari. She could spot them on the grandstand that also held Nia, jaws set in silent support, she felt her racing heart calm. Her family was here, she’d be okay.

While she was getting a feel for the arena, she had been listening to Nia introduce her opponent, hoping to get some information on the upcoming fight even before seeing who she would have to fight.

„My champion is strong!“ Nia had shouted. Clarke glowered at that. Nia was lucky Clarke needed to get out of this ordeal alive, otherwise she’d take a great second of joy at getting herself killed in the first fight just to embarrass the ice queen.

„And I don’t pitch strong ones against weaklings who aren’t worth their time! So for their first fight, they will face gona that have travelled here just for the opportunity of challenging my champion!“ Clarke tried to keep cool at the implied plural, „Everyone please make noise for Alaric kom Sankru, the prince and his closest honor guard!“

The arena erupted into utter chaos at the name. During her training, Roan and Ontari had taught her a lot about the different clans and fighters. From what she remembered - and, judging by her siblings reactions she was right - Alaric kom Sankru was one of the cruelest fighters in the clans. Roan had once said that while he could win a fight against the man, he’d never want to fight him because he has a tendency to aim to maim before he decided to kill his opponent when they’re already close to death from the injuries they had to endure.

The gates in front of her opened and four people entered the arena. She could easily make out the prince. He was wielding a bastard sword in one hand, holding an iron shield in his left. Clarke tried not to be put off by the apparent strength the man had at welding the sword one handed, but judging by the sad*stic smile appearing on the mans face he had seen her tense up. Behind him stood his guard.

The two men flanking him had similar build to the prince, bulging muscles clearly visible under leather armor, whirling a battle axe and longsword each. The fourth person had her hands wrapped around a glaive and a short sword strapped to her waist.

Clarke stood calmly as she assessed her opponents, electing astonishment from the ranks.

How had they not reacted to their opponents names, how did they stand so calmly, no weapons drawn, as their opponents began to form a circle around them?

The answer was that Clarke simply waited for the right moment to strike. Pull your weapons too soon and they will think she’s scared, move too soon, and they might get a read on her before she’s done assessing them.

The arena was bathed in tense silence, waiting for the queen to start the fight.

„You can do this, strikon“, Clarke smiled at Wanhedas support, not a single second of doubt that her reincarnation was skilled enough to walk out of the arena alive. „Im more worried about the Sankru king getting at me for killing his son“ She admitted.

The four warriors had circled around her now, taking position to strike. Clarkes hands found their way to her dual wields.

„May the better party win!“ Nia opened the fight.

Right at that second, the battle-axe guard came forward, aiming a clear strike at Clarkes abdomen. Lightning fast she drew her swords, blocking the strike and using the space he had created to dance out of the ring as her second sword came up in an arc towards the gonas throat. She turned to face the rest as the first gonas’ body fell to the floor, his head following right behind, rolling a few feet before coming to a stop. The crowd was silent before excited screams rang across the arena. Clarke stood there with blood spatters on her armor, the black blades glistening with red. Nia smiled in approval.

Her champion had drawn first blood.

The rest of the fight was harsh, drawing out much longer than Clarke would’ve liked. By the time she had killed the other male guard - her sword was still stuck between his rips as she hadn’t had the time to pull it out before the price attacked her from behind - she was spouting an angry gash on her left tight, along with numerous bruises all over her body.

She needed to remember thanking Roan and Ontari for the sturdy armor, otherwise she would be covered in gashes where blades had hit her body. Right now she was engaged in a vicious trading of blows with the female guard. The woman had shed her glaive, opting to switch to a close range fight in the middle of the battle. The prince, who she had thrown back a few feet not so long ago, shook of his pain and preshed to rejoin the fight.

As she was engaged in the two on one, Clarke tried moving back towards the discarded longsword of the second gona she had killed. As she moved back to grab the weapon, she felt a piercing pain in her left arm the woman’s sword drove into it. Clarke jerked back, barely keeping hold of the two weapons she now held, ripping her arm free from the blade in the process. She barely registered the murmurs of the surrounding crowd, placing bets on who would make it out alive.

Roan and Ontari stood by Nias side, outwardly a picture of calm and collected, as they did whatever they could to stop themselves from pressing forward and protect Clarke.

The blonde in question barely avoided the princes sword swinging at her. She stumbled a few steps, blood loss and pain getting to her. The two warriors coordinated a simultaneous attack, not giving the blonde time to react.

The Sankru woman caught Clarkes chest with her sword, but the iron enforcement protected Clarkes skin. The force of the hit shoved her back, landing a few feet away, swords having slipped from her grasps. The prince smiled at the sight in front of him, malice creeping into his gaze.

„Nia promised me a strong champion, I thought she judged better than this“ the prince taunted, raising his sword.

Heavy with pain, Clarke closed her eyes for a split second. Was that it? In her first fight? Before the sword hit it’s target, the blondes body jerked back.

„You will fight, strikon. Tu gomplei no ste udon“ Wanheda growls, lending the blonde strength to continue. The former skai princess gets up. „Lets play then“ she growled, eyes flashing vibrant purple.

The rest of the fight was a haze for Clarke. All she knew was that after, she stood in the midst of four bodies, covered in their blood. The prince lay at her feet, dismembered parts thrown through the arena. Inside her, Wanheda growled.

When the prince finally fell, his head joining the pile of limbs, the arena was silent for a second. Just when it had seemed like the queens champion was about to loose, they went berserk. As though driven by another power entirely, two of their knifes sailed through the air into the body of the blonde gona who had thrown the champion back just seconds before.

Before her body had even collapsed, the champion had been on their feet again, snatching the weapons they had let go off before, bringing them down in a devastating arch on the prince. Not knowing what hit him, he barely had time to lift his sword before the hand holding it landed on the ground.

Blocking the next strikes with his shied, the man backed away. But the champion left him no way out, black blade cutting through warm flesh as the shield arm followed the hand. The prince had stared at the warrior before him, eyes wide in fear. They were covered in blood, their armor glistening in the winter sun.

For a second, their eyes met. Angry purple orbs met terrified brown, and as the champions sword met the Princes neck, he could only think of the honor it was to be killed by an angel of darkness itself.

Clarke was panting as the crowd screamed out to her. Her body was aching and she was covered in grime and blood. Nia mustered the girl with a satisfied smirk. As the noise slowly subsided, the queen rose from her throne, her presence commanding everyones attention.

„For their debut fight“, Nia makes a dramatic pause, „it is my great delight to declare the winner of the fight, my champion of the pits!“ Roars erupted from the stands, a cacophony of cheers reverberating through the arena.

As Clarke bowed out to leave the ring, a chant rose from the crowd, tributing the warrior in black.

„Radha Absyl!“

What started from a single person quickly spread to the rest, the moniker sweeping through throngs of spectators, echoing off the stone walls of the arena.

Clarkes head was held high as she left the ring, embracing the name with every step.

The Champion of the Abyss.

———

Clarke sat on a table in the same room she had stayed in before, a fisa tending to her wounds. The woman had introduced herself as Asandra, explaining that she would be the one to tend to Klarke from now on. The woman hadn’t been surprised to see Clarkes purple blood, simply aiding the girl in shedding her armor before working on cleaning her wounds.

„So“, Clarke said as it became evident the older woman wouldn’t speak to her. „Did queen Nia send you or…?“ Clarke tried to hold in a hiss of pain as the woman’s hand inadvertently tensed.

„Moba“, she murmured before continuing stitching the cut, „And no, Prince Roan requested my presence“.

Clarke mustered the other woman with new interest. Had Roan simply been send to find a trustworthy fisa for Nia or was this someone her friend trusted beyond her ability to keep Wanhedas presence a secret?

Thankfully her question was answered as her siblings stormed into the room. Their eyes were wide in worry, and Clarke could make out a bandage around Ontaris hand.

Later, Roan would explain that it came from Ontari clenching her hands so tightly, that her fingernails had drawn blood when watching the fight. Clarke would pull the older girl close at that, letting her listen to her heartbeat to convince the girl she was still okay.

„Asa, you’re here already“, Roan seemed relieved at the presence of the other woman, giving her a tender smile. The woman barely glanced at the prince before she continued treating Clarkes tight.

„You don’t need to sound so surprised, Roan. We are not all branwodas who don’t know how to read the time“. Clarke glanced at Ontari for an explanation as the older girl chuckled. „Roan has a bad habit of leaving the castle late because he doesn’t know what to wear“.

And for a slight second Clarke feels incredibly dense. „Of course, you’re Asa“, she realized. And considering all the times Roan had swooned over the girl, she should’ve maybe recognized it. „You’re Roans Niron“.

The woman resisted a slight smile, at the confirmation that Roan had talked about her to his - as he called her - little sister.

„Sha, Klarke. He wanted you to get the best care without the danger of revealing your identity“, Clarke smirked slightly at that, „Oh I’m sure he did, but I’m also sure he’s very happy to have you here“. For what it’s worth, she was beyond happy that Roan’s love was close to him again.

„The fights will continuously get harder“, Roan explained later that night, leaning over his bowl of soup. „Nia will have you fighting here at least four times a week, he rest you will get to rest and train, except for one-weekly sessions with Ontari“. Honestly, Clarke hadn’t even expected to go from 4 days of torture a week to one, so she’d take what she’d get.

„Which brings me to another point“, he grinned up at her, „I have managed to find a tattoo artist to come here like you requested. He said he could come to the castle in three days time. I gave him the sketches you drew for the tattoos and according to him it’ll take about 20 hours to get them done, so he’d recommend coming in twice, so you can still train for the rest of the day“. Clarke beamed at that, she had waited for what felt like ages for him to find an artist willing to come up here.

„Mochof“, surrounded by her friends, she felt so much lighter than before.

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

Lexa was settled on her throne, absentmindedly fiddling with her dagger as she waited for the final three people to arrive to inform them about the ongoing search for Clarke.

There recent meeting with the ambassadors had just ended- Lexa had to frequently hold herself back from threatening them (mainly the Azgedan ambassador) to tell her if any of their clans had something to do with Clarkes disappearance - and thus they were waiting for those who hadn't been present.

Abby was the first to arrive, as she had only arrived from Arcadia the previous night and had been staying at Polis tower. She settled down next to Octavia. The brunette seken, Indra and Lincoln were already seated, having been present for the previous meeting.

As time ticked by, Lexas anxiety grew, until Anya and Raven arrived, followed closely by Niylah.

Lexa tried not to be affected by the traders presence. She was glad Clarke had found someone who cared for her enough to make a day ride to Polis simply to help in the ongoing search for her, but she couldn’t help the jealousy. Every time she saw the other woman she was reminded of what she had thrown away at the mountain and it really f*cking hurt.

Nonetheless, Lexa greeted the new arrivals with a small smile, before moving everyone over to a secluded table at the back of the room, so they could speak in private.

As they settled into their respective seats, Octavia wasted no time grilling Lexa for the information gathered by the spies.

She had dispatched them three months prior, right after they had met Niylah at the trading post.

The idea was for them to go to their native clans and find out any information they could on Clarke.

The spies had gradually returned over the course of the last week, prompting Lexa to call for the present members to convene.

„I wish I had anything positive to report“, the brunette leaned in, trying to conceal her trembling hands. „But so far, there has been nothing. No sightings of Clarke, not even the slightest whisper of Wanheda“,

and keryon if that wasn’t utterly frustrating.

Every time a spy had come back to report to her, Lexa had hoped for any kind of good news, and every time she felt her heart sink more at the absence of any information regarding Clarke.

„Nothing at all?“, Abbys silent desperation tugged at Lexas heart.

„Well“, she furrowed her brows slightly, „not about Clarke per se, but I have an idea how we might find her. If she is being held captive at least“.

The brunette was met with seven pairs of expectant eyes.

„While none of the spies have been able to find information on Klarke“, she needed to get her reactions towards that name under control, „I have gotten a lot of information regarding a new champion reigning in Nias pits“,

she said, causing the Trikru members in the group to collectively tense up.

„Why is that important?“ Raven, puzzled by the relevance, asked. „And what exactly are the pits?“

Anyas tense demeanor was unlike anything she had seen up until now, and after spending exceedingly much time with the blonde the past months, it made her understandably concernet.

„The pits“, Anya began to explain, „Are a fighting ring Azgeda. Nia regularly pitches her prisoners against each other in a fight to death. They are kind of like the gladiator fights you’ve told me about“,

she said, with a wry smile directed at Raven.

„Some years ago, Nia opened the ring up for public fights too. Anyone could sign in to fight against any of her prisoners, the only rule was that Nia would agree for the fight to happen. Most normal petitions are rejected. The purpose of the pits is entertainment, so prisoners who are already injured and malnourished from their time in Nia's dungeons are not matched against skilled fighters as it would not make for a good show.“,

This elicited grimaces all around the table,

„But every few years, Nia will find a champion. A prisoner who shows exceptional fighting skills and is then specially trained. They get pitched in the hardest fights, forced to accept any challenge. These champions will become ruthless warriors. Most don’t live long enough to make it out of the pits. But before their inevitable death they will have been forced into dozens of battles“.

Seeking reassurance, Raven reached for Anya's hand under the table.

"What does this champion have to do with finding Clarke?" Raven inquired.

"Well," Lexa clarified, "this champion has earned a reputation among all the clans. According to the Sankru spy, their first gomplei was against the Sankru prince and three members of his guard. And yet, the champion emerged alive. That was three months ago, and since then, their fights have only become more treacherous. Generals, elite squads, all sent by the clans, have fallen to the champion's blade. They are known as Radha Absyl, the Champion of the Abyss. It is not improbable,"

her gaze swept across the room,

"that if Clarke is being held captive, the clan may use her as a pawn against the champion."

The reactions were immediate.

Abby gasped and covered her mouth, while Octavia jumped up with a cry, striking the wall in frustration.

"Clarke is a fisa, not a warrior.", Anya protested, "How could she-"

Niylah, who had been silent until now, shook her head.

"She may have been just a fisa, but when I last saw her, Wanheda was training her in combat. And from what I witnessed, she could have easily taken on two opponents at once. And that was five months ago. Who knows what she's capable of now under Wanheda's tutelage."

"In any case," Lexa interjected, "I have no intention of allowing anyone to pit Clarke against that champion. I will send my spy back to Azgeda as soon as they have rested, and they will report any mention of Wanheda facing Radha Absyl. If that happens, we will be there to stop it."

As the meeting drew to a close, Lexa couldn't shake the gnawing fear that clenched at her heart— she prayed they'd find Clarke before it's too late.

———--

Another three months pass by, with no word of Wanheda fighting in the pits. The tiny shred of hope Lexa had found had quickly vanquished.

While Lexa was making her way up the stairs, she was so lost in thought, that she nearly barreled into Titus.

"Heda", he exclaimed, eyes wide and palms sweaty. She snapped back into attention at once.

"Titus, moba, I didn't see you". The man nodded, eyeing her with an expression she couldn't quite read.

"Of course, no worries, heda", he finally said. Just as she was about to move on, he stopped her once more.

"We need to talk about your search for Klarke kom Skaikru", he said, stopping Lexa in her tracks.

Annoyance flared in her.

If she had to listen to a single 'Your search makes you weak' or 'the imposter should not be your priority', she was going to loose it.

A smile plastered on her face as she looked at her advisor.

(How long had it been since she last looked at the man that used to be her teacher fondly? It must've been before Costia).

"What about it, Titus?" there was a sharp edge to her tone, one she had recently always held when talking to him.

"The ambassadors, they have all taken note of your... changed behavior. They come to me saying you are distracted, on edge. Heda you can't let this consume you. The coalition should be your priority"

Underneath her stirring emotions, she knew he was right. The news were beyond worrying.

She had to secure the coalition again, as it had been crumbling since the mountain fell.

Loosing the coalition meant a new era of war, one she couldn't afford. And if the ambassadors were already going to Titus instead of voicing their concerns to her face, something more was stirring up.

But despite this, and despite Fleimheda urging her to get the ambassadors under control, she couldn't. She'd think of blonde locks and blue eyes and her mind would quickly wander off again.

If only she knew how Clarke was doing.

(If only she had proof that whatever had happened was Nias fault).

"The coalition has my attention, Titus", Lexa finally said, "but Wanheda is important for me to reestablish myself. Both in the eyes of the ambassadors and to hold up my end of the bargain with Skaikru".

Titus scowled, "and if you don't find her?"

Lexa wasn't willing to think about that outcome.

"I will continue sending scouts until she is found, Titus.", she said, "is that all you had to say?"

Titus clenched his jaw. "Sha, heda".

Once Lexa turned, Titus let his eyes harden, his resolve strengthening when the commander - once more - refused to heed his advice.

Her weakness would bring her downfall if she wasn't careful. He had done what he could, what had to be done for the future of their people. He only hoped it would drive the commander in the right direction just as Costias death had all those years ago.

Lexa didn't turn to see the borderline malicious stare Titus gave her.

Instead she made her way up the last set of stairs, before finally stepping into her dimly lit chambers.

As she did, her gaze fell on a box on her bed that shattered the fragile semblance of peace she had managed to grasp.

She whimpered, as memories surged forth.

A letter, brought to her by Titus, face grim

'Heda, it's Costia, she hasn't returned to her home'

"I don't care about the coalition I need to find her, Onya!"

"There's no trace, Leksa"

A box, unsuspecting.

A beaten face and shaved head, not even a braid to keep.

"Costia..."

"I lost someone close to me once. Her name was Costia..."

"How did you deal with it?" "I saw it for what it was. Weakness." "What is? Love?" "Yes"

Lexa was trembling.

She could still feel the raw anguish that had torn through her when Nia had torn Costia from her embrace.

The image of that day, when she had received the macabre offering of Costa's severed head in a box on her bed, was seared into her mind with a cruel clarity. There had been dried blood at the bottom of the box, the stench had infused all parts of her room.

Tremors wracked her body as she stood frozen, her mind a maelstrom of agonizing possibilities as she stared at the box.

She could almost hear the whispers of her own insecurities.

Had Nia - or anyone - once again snatched away everything she held dear?

As she approached the box, her heart hammered in her chest.

The writing on it sent shards of fury coursing through her veins.

"To the heartless commander, you must be smart enough to know what comes next."

A scream tore from her throat.

Another memory surged forward. Clarke's voice, from what felt like another life entirely

"You might be heartless," she had said, "But at least you're smart."

With trembling hands, Lexa opened the box, bracing herself for the inevitable horror that lay within. And there, amidst a cascade of golden locks, she felt as though the very essence of her being had been torn asunder.

As tears blurred her vision and sobs wracked her body, Lexa was no longer the unyielding commander of the coalition, but a shattered soul in a sea of anguish.

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Lexa didn't know how much time had passed between entering the room and opening the box, but now she found herself kneeling on the floor in front of her bed, the box clutched to her.

Her breathing had evened out and her tears had finally stopped, leaving her numb to the world.

That's how Anya found her hours later, the sun already signaling the start of a new day.

"Leksa...?" the warrior asked hesitantly, stepping into the room. At first, she couldn't find the brunette, before a slight movement alerted her of the brunettes presence.

Rounding the bed, Anya found Lexa, knees drawn up to her chest, staring intently at the box in her hands. Anyas eyes lingered on her friend for a second, before she looked at the box.

Even from where she stood, she could unmistakably make out the blonde locks inside, the shade lighter than any she had ever seen. Except for Clarkes, that is. The thought made her stop in her tracks, her heart sinking as she realized the content of the box.

This couldn't be happening. Not again.

Anya strut forward, letting herself drop on the floor next to Lexa.

"Leksa, where did you get this?" Anya asked, her voice filled with concern.

Lexa's gaze remained fixed on the box as she spoke in a numb tone. "It was left. Someone left it on my bed"

Anya's mind raced as she tried to thunk of right words to comfort Lexa. She couldn't find them.

"We don't know for sure that this means Klarke is dead.", she finally tried, "this might as well be nothing but a game to hurt you. And it- it might not even be Klarkes".

Lexa's eyes filled with tears as she turned to face Anya.

"But it's been over a year, Anya. And- and the note, it's something she's said to me before. How would anyone know if it wasn't for Klarke telling them. And she wouldn't. Not if she had a choice, and-"

Anya wrapped her arms around Lexa.

"I understand your fears, Leksa. But we can't jump to conclusions. We need to keep searching for her, keep hoping that she's still out there."

Lexa looked up at Anya, her voice trembling. "But what if she's not? What if she's gone and we never find her? What if Titus was right?"

What if love was weakness?

It felt like it, why else would she be this... affected. Unable to comprehend her own thoughts.

Anya's heart ached for her friend.

"You can't think like that, Leksa. You have to keep fighting. For Klarke."

Lexa nodded, her tears falling freely now. "I don't know what I would do without her, Onya."

Anya wrapped her arms around Lexa, holding her close. "We won't give up, Leksa. We'll find her, I promise."

What if it was already to late?

Lexa didn't say that out loud. Instead, she let Anya hold her, her body once more trembling as sobs escaped her.

"We have to tell the rest", Anya said, after Lexa had calmed again.

The brunette didn't answer. She couldn't do much of anything, her mind still reeling.

"Please, Leksa," Anya begged, breaking the silence once more. The brunette remained unresponsive, her eyes glazed over as if she were trapped in her own thoughts.

"Leksa," Anya tried again, her voice soft but insistent. "We need to let the others know about the box."

There was no reply from Lexa, only a faint shake of her head. Anya sighed, frustration (worry? fear?) gnawing at her. She had seen Lexa struggle with loss before, but this was different. The magnitude of Clarke's absence seemed to have rendered Lexa numb, unreachable.

Anya hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Do you want me to inform the others?" A small nod from Lexa was the only response she received.

"Alright, I'll do that. How about you get some rest while I find them?"

Anya gently coaxed the box out of Lexa's hand and placed it on the floor.

"Come on, Leksa," she said softly, her voice tender with concern. "Let's get you changed."

Lexa remained motionless once more, her eyes still fixed on the spot where the box had been. Anya sighed. "Do you want to go to a different room, away from this reminder?" she asked gently. A faint nod was all Anya received in response.

With great care, Anya helped Lexa to her feet and guided her outside of the room. Thankfully, the hallway was deserted, sparing them from prying eyes. Once they reached the neighboring room, Anya assisted Lexa in changing into a nightgown and wrapped her in a blanket.

Throughout it all, Lexa's eyes remained glazed over. Anya's worry deepened as she watched Lexa, but she knew she had to gather the others. Lexa needed time.

"Rest now, Leksa," she murmured, tucking the blanket around her friend. "I'll be back soon with the others."

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

Meanwhile, Clarke was blissfully unaware of the fruitless search for her.

It had been a week since her first gomplei against the Sankru prince. Currently, she was lying on a wooden table, as the tattoo artist finished the last of her tattoos.

The scene adorning her back was mesmerizing.

Across her skin unfolded the picture of a lush forest at night. Every detail was painstakingly etched, from the tiny branches of ancient trees, to the leaves that swayed in an unseen breeze. In the heart of the picture stood a lone silhouette, with her head tilted upwards. Dual wields are strapped to the silhouettes back and short hair seems almost windswept. Hovering above, constellations filled the sky, twinkling lights connected by delicate lines. Constellations her father had once taught her about on the arc now etched into her skin.

What looks like a shooting star is painted in the sky, heading to earth. Though if it’s a star or a pod remains uncertain.

On the ground, ghostly figures - barely visible between the trees - linger close to the silhouette, seemingly watching the girl with a sense of protectiveness.

Above, a raven swoops and dives, playing a whimsical game with a luminous blue butterfly.

Once the man finished her tattoo, Clarke went to muster her back, trying to ignore the vast collection of scars she had assembled over the past months

(green eyes clouded her mind, belonging to a person who was supposed to make all those scars go away. Why did it hurt so much. She pushed the feelings away).

The tattoo looked exactly as she had drawn.

„Mochof“, her voice was thick with emotion. A gentle smile span over the mans face.

„Pro, Radha Absyl“, the man bowed,

„I hope you will wear it proudly“.

The man left, as Ontari and Roan enter the room. Clarke had denied them from seeing any of the new tattoos before they were done, and her siblings had been whining about it since she’d let them know.

„Come on, Klarke“, Ontari encouraged once the three were alone again.

The blonde felt herself be pulled into a bone crushing hug, as both Roan and Ontari wrapped their arms around her. She could feel her shoulder getting slightly wet from Roans tears, but elected not to mention it.

———

The next few months, Clarke settled into a routine of training and pit fights.

She had just turned in for the evening, joined by Roan and Ontari shortly after. The black haired girl sat next to Clarke, having forgone settling in Clarkes cell for the time being, instead they had grouped on Ontari bed.

Clarke leaned into her sister, searching for comfort after the previous fight. Nia had pitched her in a one on eight against a group of shadow valley soldiers, and the girl was shaken up.

„Please tell me you found something“, Clarke basically begged Roan. He had spend the last months trying to get information on Nias plans. „Well“, Roan grinned, „I have no idea when or if she’s planning to let you go, but I found some prove that’ll come in handy once we got you out“,

Clarke shot up, suddenly much more involved in the conversation than before. Roan had been in contact with some of his spies, and apparently Nia had been keeping a large group of people captive in one of her secluded safe houses, he explained.

The spies had been confused at being send to guard and not harm majorly anyone in the safe house. Make sure they were fed, but wouldn’t be able to leave the area. They haven’t been treated well by any means, but they weren’t being tortured either. No-one really knew what Nia was planning to do to the people in the house, but as far as most spies were concerned, they were acting as insurance for Nia.

Probably wanting to make someone of importance follow her wishes at the promise of those peoples safety.

„It’s not technically important for us“, Roan continued, „But some think that the people in that house are Skaikru“, Clarke sucked in a sharp breath. „But who would she control with them? I’m the only one interested in their safety and she hasn’t mentioned them to me at all“.

Roan nodded, „That’s why I think she’s just waiting for the right moment to tell you. Right now you don’t have a choice to go against her orders, but later on, when she has to release you from the pits - and after half a year latest she will have to - she wants you to listen to her. By not knowing about your people yet, you can’t make any plans“.

Disgust swelled up in Clarkes chest at the remainder of just how far she’d go. „If she has my people“, Clarke said, „There’s no way I can leave them. You know what Nia will do to them, even if I don’t know that she imprisoned Skaikru“

„Or“, Ontari interrupted, „You will use their imprisonment as a reason for why the Kongeda should go to war against Nia. We already have some prove that Nia sends assassins to rally up clans against each other, found enough believable witnesses who are willing to speak out. Skaikrus imprisonment will just be a further point to legitimate Nias death“.

Rationally, yes. Clarke new they were right. „The imprisoned Skaikru will die if I do that, and that’s the best case“,

Clarke looks down in conflict. „You don’t know what Nia will do, strikon“, Wanheda whispered, „What you do know, is that you can either stay - and thus pledge loyalty to Nia at some point to keep your people safe - or you can escape. You have physical prove of the crimes Nia committed, you have knowledge of her intrigues“ - that was true, her advanced hearing came in handy for being able to listen in on Azgedan generals talking about plans they had made with the queen - „And if you tell the Kongeda about the imprisoned Skaikru, they will listen. You are Wanheda, strikon, your word carries a lot of weight“.

„How can I just leave and let my people die?“ She knew how, she had known it since TonDC. Kill a few to safe many.

„I want you to try to help the Skaikru escape“, she decided, looking at Roan. „If we can’t find a way, okay, but right now Nia will not expect me to be aware of them, won’t expect them to escape“, her siblings nodded, already having expected that the blonde wouldn’t simply give in.

„I can find out how many there are and how bad their condition is“, Roan promised, „But I cannot vouch that we can get all of them out“.

She knew to put her head over her heart, knew what she was supposed to do. But as she thinks about leaving her people behind, she feels a cage closing around the broken pieces of her heart.

„Just promise me you’ll try“

———

And try he did. At this point, Clarke had been in Azgeda for 7 months, fighting the pits for the last five.

Roan found out, that a total of 15 Skaikru were held in the house. There had been more, but all had been killed by Nia before she realized that she could use them. Since then they had been kept in a house five hours away from Absol.

It was a relatively barren area, with no society around for at least a two hour track in any direction. It lay further in the direction of Trikru lands than Absol did, so it would be possible to break Skaikru out without having to somehow get past Nias castle. Which just left the problem of somehow getting 15 underfed Skaikru, who had no idea how to survive outside, out of Azgeda when Nia would certainly send riders after them.

The only thing that worked in their favor was that summer had started to set about a month prior, and the previous freezing temperatures gave way to pleasantly sunny days.

As Clarke was pondering over these thoughts, she strapped on her armor. Her next fight would start in just under an hour and she needed to prepare. Once dressed, she eyed herself in the mirror that decorated the wall of her training area.

The same dark armor from five months ago stared back at her, but as she mustered herself, her eyes automatically trailed towards the still slightly reddened scar that trailed from right below her right eye to just behind her left ear. It had happened barely a week ago. She had been pinned to the ground by a sword in her shoulder, a bear of a man leaning over her for the kill. As he swung down, she had barely deflected his sword, that still cut the deep gash into her face before colliding with the ground next to her.

It had been one of the closer calls, and while Asa had done her best to stitch the girl up, it had scarred into a crater in the following days.

„Kwin Nia calls for you, Radha Absyl“, a servant called from outside her door. She sighed. It had turned into a frequent occurrence to be called to the queen before her fights.

Sometimes it would be to boast with her champion to other clans, sometimes she’d be called for Nia to remind her of her place, of her necessity to follow Nia. Poorly concealed threats would spout from the queen, and Klarke was awaiting the day when Nia would tell her about the Skaikru.

Sighing, the blonde pulls up her hood and mask, making sure any defining feature was covered.

It didn’t take long to get to Nia, the queen had been waiting for her in a room close by. As she entered, Nias face twisted into what was supposed to be a smile (and Clarke really wanted to tell the woman to relax her face, since looking like a constipated lunatic didn’t do her any favors).

„Klarke“, the queen greeted. Her champion suppressed a shudder, feeling so thoroughly wrong to hear her name be pronounced like that from the queen. Instead, she simply walked forward, bowing to the queen.

„You called me, ai kwin“, she rasped out. Hundreds of thoughts of attacking the woman in front of her flew through Clarkes head, but she had to remind herself of what Roan advised very early on.

„You don’t need to be loyal to her Klarke“, he’d say, „But as time passes, start showing her some respect. Make it look like she broke your spirit and you’re just holding on. And if she ever asks why-“

Nia waved Klarke over to sit. „You have been doing remarkably well, my champion“, the queen eyed the blonde in contempt.

She wished she could get a good read on her, but from all accounts of servants, spies and even her own observations, the girl was like an emotionless wall.

None had ever heard her raise her voice, lash out, seen her cry. She’d simply walk into the arena, kill who she must and leave with her head held high. She needed to know what the girl was thinking. If she was planning something or if Nia had achieved her goal.

„Take off your hood“, the queen commanded.

A brief flash of fear spread through Clarke, not that Nia would be able to see. Her hood protected her, kept her from having to hide any minuscule reaction to what she’s getting told. Still, Clarke obeys the order without complains, lowering her hood and mask. The queens lips quirked as she musters the same scar Clarke had been looking at just minutes before.

„Normally“, the queen explained, carefully studying the girl, „My champions will not make it past three months. Thus I have never had two consider what to do once they reached the mark where they are to be released“, which was disconcerting to the queen.

Were she to let the champion fight, she would go against the rules of combat she had imposed in the very beginning. No prisoner would fight the pits for more than 6 months. It gave her prisoners an incentive to bite through the fights, and she always had enough to replace them with.

But for her champion, she didn’t know what to do. Releasing prisoners after their 6 months were over, meant they would join her ranks or die to an assassin sent after their release. Clarke, she was afraid, would probably survive an assassin. And then, who wanted to anger the champion of the Abyss?

Meanwhile Clarke forced any emotion but slight interest from her face. She had practiced it with Roan and Ontari for ages.

They’d bring up her friends, her family, the mountain, Lexa, and she’d have to keep her face straight. It would prepare her for Nias mind games they had said. Well, now seemed to be the moment to find out if it had been worth it.

„What will you do after the pits?“, Clarke took a second to form a reply, carefully inspecting the queen.

„I cannot be sure, ai kwin“, Clarke finally managed to say. „I had planned to rejoin my people before they joined the Kongeda“, she forced her expression into a scowl.

This was the time for her to either f*ck up or gain a silver of trust from the Ice Queen that would help her escape, because even though she hinted at it, there was no way the Ice queen would actually let the blonde go.

„I might leave Kongeda lands all together“, she glanced at the queen. Clarkes eyes were clouded in anger, promising revenge, „Except if you have a better idea“.

Satisfaction burned in the queen. This is who she needed, a broken spirit, a cold murderer to do anything for revenge.

„You would heed my advice?“, the queen asked instead, looking for any kind of deception in the blondes gaze.

Clarke snorted.

„Do not believe I trust you, ai kwin“,

the warriors gaze burns holes into the queen, „But for now you can help me reach my goal. And after I can be out of your way. I do not plan to go against you, doing so would be foolish with the armies that stand by you“,

Clarke hoped this is what Roan meant by telling her to let the queen know she hates her, but not quite as much as the Commander,

„But if standing with you is what will lead to my goal, you will have my sword until I reap the commanders soul“.

Nia smiled.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

The arena thrummed in anticipation, as the man closed in on Clarke. Beside him his five monstrous pauna prowled, muscles rippling beneath coarse fur.

At a sign from Kaele, the first pauna lunged at Clarke, claws extended like razors.

Dancing out of the way, she aimed her swords onto the paunas back. Her blades struck true, carving through thick flash, leaving a crimson trail in their wake.

The beast howled in pain as it turned, focusing in on the girl. Their master shouted a command and with bared fangs, the pauna lunged at her again.

Relentless attacks followed, not leaving the blonde any room to breathe.

For each strike she made, there was another pauna striking at her, only Wanhedas advanced agility giving her a fighting chance.

It was pure luck by which she got the first Beast that had attacked between the eyes, delivering a killing blow.

As the other four pauna surrounded her, Kaele stood back, watching the fight unfold.

The warrior was quick and much stronger than he had anticipated, even after watching their last few fights. Nonetheless, he was sure of his win, no human could take on five pauna and leave alive.

As Kaele shouted out orders to attack, Clarke dodged under another swipe, causing the pauna to crash into the beast behind her.

The two creatures, confused and enraged, turned on each other. Snarls and roars filled the arena as they fought viciously.

Clarke watched with grim satisfaction as one pauna tore into the other, eventually leaving one dead and the other heavily injured.

Using the distraction, the champion pressed forward, landing a blow on the beast in front of her. Before it could retreat, she had jumped over it’s head, sinking her sword into it’s flesh as she settled on the beasts back.

Rather than going down, the pauna buckled, throwing Clarke into the wall behind her. The blondes head hit the stone with a sickening crunch, as she slumped to the floor.

The arena was silent.

(Ontari wanted to cry. Shout. Roan grabbed her hand to hold her back.)

Kaeles face contorted into a vicious grimace. He snapped his whip to his three remaining beasts, ordering them to advance the unmoving body once more.

As a pauna lunged, burning purple stared back.

„Oh no you don’t“, Wanheda growled, throwing themselves over the pauna, tearing out Clarkes swords in the process.

The previous silence gave way to tumultuous cheers all around them. Wanheda ignored it, twirling Clarkes swords as they stood their ground in front of the beasts.

One more fight, they told themselves, then we’ll be free.

The two healthy pauna attacked first, their claws slicing through the air where Wanheda had stood a moment before. With supernatural speed and agility, Wanheda dodged their strikes, focusing their attack on the one already injured. The injured beast lunged at them, but Wanheda was much faster – and far angrier.

They cut a deep gash into its paws, causing the pauna to howl in pain. Taking advantage of its momentary distraction, they tore both swords through its throat, dragging the blades down to its stomach. The pauna fell, its life extinguished in a matter of seconds.

Wanheda turned to face the remaining two, but before they had fully turned, one of them charged, catching them off guard.

The blonde was thrown back once more, the body hitting the arena floor with a thud. Blood flowed profusely from a deep gash in their shoulder.

In agony, Wanheda cursed the limitations of mortal bodies, but needs must. They lifted the swords to fend off another attack.

Cornered against the arena wall, they scanned for a way out. Trying to duck under one pauna, they felt a clawed paw rake across their leg, slicing through armor and flesh alike. Liquid blue gushed from the wound, concealed by the black of her armor.

The pauna slashed again, and Wanheda cursed their mistake, stumbling back in a sluggish attempt to escape. Gritting her teeth, Wanheda pushed through the agony.

(Internally they apologized to Clarke in advance for the pain she was bound to wake up in).

On the stands, the crowd had fallen into chaos. They had expected a slaughter at the sight of the pauna, the champion torn to shreds within minutes. But Randha Absyl once again showed why they were the first champion to reach this final match.

Minutes flew by, and they still stood, injured and weak but alive.

Thrown to the floor once more (it was starting to feel like a theme), Wanheda saw one pauna lunge at them, claws stretched to rip them apart.

Unable to move away, they grabbed their last sword and lunged it at the beast. The black blade embedded itself in the pauna's shoulder, stopping its advance.

Wanheda could barely move now and had no more weapons on them.

At Kaele's command, the pauna lunged again. With their back against the wall, bleeding profusely, Wanheda saw no chance to win.

They closed their eyes.

Only to open them when they felt the expected ice spread through their veins.

Focusing on the still lunging pauna, they stretched their arms outward.

In the second they had to act, the spirit felt everything—the way its heart beat, muscles tensed, limbs moved.

And just when the beast came in contact with skin, they pushed the power outward.

The pauna shrieked in pain as its ribcage collapsed into itself, its bones shattering and piercing its organs.

The beast landed on top of Wanheda, crushing them under its weight.

It was dead.

Wanheda could barely move, breaking its bones had taken everything out of Clarkes body.

Yet, they shoved the beast off, pulling out the blade that had still been embedded in its shoulder in a fluid movement.

The audience was enraptured, nobody understanding what just happened.

Kaele shouted in outrage.

He was desperate. Never had he anticipated losing four of his pauna to the champion. With a guttural growl, he cracked his whip, joining his last pauna in the fight.

Wanheda knew they had to win quickly. Their control over Clarke's body was waning, the overuse of powers getting to them on top of the numerous injuries they had sustained.

Kaele’s whip cracked menacingly as he advanced, his eyes filled with fury. Trying to channel the last of their energy, Wanheda’s movements became more deliberate, their senses heightened as they danced through the onslaught of whip and claws. Each step was calculated, every move designed to exert themselves as little as possible while avoiding the deadly strikes.

They weaved closer to the pauna, feeling the beast's hot breath against their skin. Kaele's whip cracked again, narrowly missing them as they sidestepped and pressed forward. The spirit could feel the adrenaline surging through Clarkes body, keeping them focused despite the agony.

Finally, they stood right in front of the beast, barely avoiding its massive paw as it swiped at them. Kaele's whip lashed out again, and with a swift, fluid motion, Wanheda hurled themselves out of the way. The iron tip of the whip caught the pauna instead, tearing a deep gash from its eye to its snout.

The beast howled in pain, its movements becoming erratic.

In confusion and anger, the pauna lunged at the one who hurt it – Kaele. The monster tamer jumped back in fear, shouting commands to attack the champion instead.

Using the distraction, Wanheda jumped onto the pauna's back, burying the sword into its thick fur. The beast thrashed and roared, but Wanheda's grip was unwavering. With a final, powerful thrust, they drove the blade deeper, cutting through sinew and bone.

The pauna fell, collapsing under its own weight, and Wanheda gracefully slid off its back, tearing the sword free in a fluid motion.

As the black blade sliced through the matted fur, the arena exploded in disbelief.

There Wanheda stood, battered, their breath ragged, the five pauna lying dead at their feet.

Taking a deep breath, the champion turned to Kaele, raising an eyebrow, mocking him to come close.

Standing there, crimson blood of the paunas building a stark contrast to the paleness of their skin, they looked like death coming to collect it’s price and for a moment, Kaele found himself terrified for what’s to come.

As Kaele snatched his whip, Wanheda jumped. Their duel a fierce frenzy of movement, the air thick with the scent of blood and sweat. Wanheda danced on the edge of unconsciousness, their movements fueled by sheer willpower alone.

The monster tamer's whip lashed out time and time again, but the spirit was quicker, ducking and weaving with unprecedented grace.

Finally, with a swift strike, Wanheda disarmed their opponent, sending the whip clattering to the ground. The tamer's eyes burned with madness as he lunged forward, but it was too late. With a single, well-placed blow, the spirit brought him to his knees.

The arena stood silent for a second, before tumultuous applause rose from the overcrowded stands, chants of Randha Absyl echoing through the ring.

Roan and Ontari stood, gaping at their sister, who had done what no-one managed to achieve before. The tension of worry seemed to seep out of them, leaving them in breathless awe.

As Nia rose, the chants quieted. A satisfied smirk plastered on the Ince queens face as she gazed at her champion. Armor in shreds, the blood of their enemies covering their body, a river of blue and red dripping from their chin, blood mixing with the smudged warpaint, indiscernible which parts were blood and which were not.

„Randha Absyl“, Nias voice rang out across the arena, „Today, you revel in your triumph, and tomorrow we will celebrate to pledge you into my ranks!“, the crowd is listening to the queens every word, „For now“, Nia dressed the stands now, „rejoice, for my champion has risen from darkness, and with them, a new era for our kingdom! A new era for the world!“, cheers enveloped the arena, like a drumming beat of anticipation, a promise for war and bloodshed to the commander of the 13 clans „Randha Absyl“, the queens ice eyes met Wanhedas, „You are freed of the pits“.

The champion left the stands, cheers echoing long after they had left.

For Wanheda, once they had left the arena, every drop of adrenalin that had kept them standing left their body.

They barely stumbled into the room where Asa waited, collapsing the second the door fell shut behind her. Glowing purple orbs slipped back into their normal blue-purple color, as Clarke let out a pained gasp.

„You branwada“, was the first thing the fisa said, struggling to lift Clarke onto the wooden table she had laid on so many times before. Clarke wanted to reply, but the mist in her mind took ahold of her, and slowly she slipped away.

That’s how Roan and Ontari found her nearly two hours later. Asa had stripped the girl off her armor, stitching the wounds and cleaning the girl off the blood and grime from the fight. Lying there on the cot, you could almost think she had fallen into a peaceful slumber.

„It shouldn’t take much longer for her to wake up“, Asa soothed the two warriors, who stood frozen at Clarkes unconscious form. „Her wounds have already started healing, you would think they are several days old. She’ll be alright“,

a small sigh of relieve left Ontari, she hadn’t even realized she had held her breath.

„Will she be up for tonight?“, Roan mumbled in quiet worry. If Clarke couldn’t run, they’d have to improvise and he had no idea what they would do. „We’ll just have to wait“.

Clarke woke up confused and in pain. The last thing she remembered, was getting thrown against a wall in the arena.

Instinctually, she lifted her hand to cradle the injury on her head, though the expected gash seemed to be absent. As was something else, she realized in slight panic -

„Wanheda?“ She called for the spirit, whose absence was notably off-putting. The spirit didn’t answer.

Had she died?

If this was death, it sucked.

„Klarke!“, the blonde sat up with a jolt, cursing herself as pain raked through her body.

„Jok“, she growled.

„You branwada, thank f*ck you’re alive“, Ontari breathed in relief, wrapping her arms around the blonde, careful not to agitate her injuries. „How are you feeling?“

„Like I was body checked by a truck“, she mumbled. She would’ve said pauna, but felt like her companions wouldn’t appreciate that comment quite so soon.

„Don’t do that again, do you have any idea how worried we were“, Roan mumbled, pulling her into a tight embrace.

A chuckle escaped Clarke, „Next time your mother sets five pauna on me I’ll happily let you join“, Clarke groaned in pain as she moved out of the embrace. Which reminds me. How am I here?“

Clarke hummend in understanding when Asa narrated the fight. „Well, if Wanheda stepped in it makes sense I don’t recall it right now“, she said.

(It also made sense that she couldn’t feel the spirit - thus being unable to call on any power beyond her natural healing and strength - because her body probably still needed to recover from the overuse of power. She opted to keep that information for herself, it wouldn’t do any good to make them worry about it too).

„Well, besides the fact that I technically only beat one of the pauna“, she smirked, „I bet I looked really cool“.

Ontari was the first to laugh, but the other two quickly joined, tension flowing out of the room.

The four spend the next while talking over the details for the night.

„Nia gave orders for you to rest“, Roan explained, „I think she wants you in perfect condition tomorrow“.

Clarke smiled at the man, this would come in handy in her escape.

Once Clarke was settled back into her cell, Ontari gave her a bone crushing hug.

„I hate not being with you in this“, the black haired woman whispered. „You’ll be there when I make it to Trikru, right? I’ll be okay. Just make sure my people are okay“, the blonde reassured.

As she drew out of the hug once again, she mustered her siblings and Asa carefully. „Take care of each other, alright? I don’t want to hear about any of you dying or getting hurt“, gentle smiles answered her request. „First you need to not die, little wolf“.

It was dark by the time the three Azgedan citizens left the quarters.

Clarke stared at Ontaris bed, where a pile of clothing lay for her to use. Ontari and Roan had taken her custom weapons and armor with them, as they would make her way too recognizable.

Instead, Clarke would wear typical Azgedan gear. The fabric was dyed in blue and grey colors. Sturdy cargo-styled pants were secured by a belt around her waist. A bag was secured to the belt, holding a waterskin and a few rations of dried meat. Around her legs, dark leather wraps around her shinbones, the blue color growing into silver edges with inlaid steel.

In a similar fashion, a dark blue garment covered her upper body, sturdy enough to keep the chilly air away and offer some protection should she be attacked. Her arms were covered by braces in similar fashion to those on her legs. A shawl was draped around her neck, to be pulled over her face should she pass by someone who might recognize her.

Two knifes were strapped to her warm leather boots and a bow and quiver are tied to her back. Lastly, two curved swords - resembling scythes - were strapped to her waist.

Dressed once more, weapons at the ready, Clarke waited for her time, her heart pounding with anticipation.

Tonight, she would break free from the chains that bound her, and nothing would stand in her way.

————

As it turned out, the nothing stands in her way consisted of half of Nias royal guard.

Roan and Ontari had told her to wait bout 30 candle marks after she heard the tower bells go off, after that anything was fair game.
In the beginning, it had gone exactly as planned. Having Ontaris key to lock the door to their quarters once she left, no-one should’ve realized she was missing too quickly.

After, Clarke easily entered the inner wall tunnel. An entire net of those tunnels spread through the castle, known only to Nia and those closest to the queen. They’d be used to escape the castle should Nia ever be attacked and see no way to win.
Clarkes way out of the dungeon area went about as smoothly as it could have. There had been several moments in which she had to stay very still, so the passing guards outside of the tunnel wouldn’t hear her, but she could always hear them way before they got close enough to be alerted by her movement.

Thus she easily made it from the dungeons - which stood inside the mountain, far beneath the castle itself, up to the main entrance.

From there, the plan depended on how well her siblings distraction in the city worked.

She had hoped that the riots in the city would draw out some of the entry guards. And while it had been highly unlikely, it would’ve allowed her to use the first floor exit of the tunnel and let herself blend into the crowd.

Since that sadly hadn’t worked, she had to continue further up into the castle to take the exit on top of the mountain.

To get to the upper levels, she had to start climbing up a narrow chute. That’s how all the following floors were connected.

The air inside the narrow tunnel was damp and chilly, beads of condensation clinging to the rough stone walls.

Clarke pressed herself against the cold surface, her heart pounding in her chest as she listened intently for any sign of further approaching guards.

She could hear the faint echo of footsteps reverberating through the tunnel, growing louder with each passing moment.

Clarke glanced over her shoulder, her breath catching in her throat as she caught sight of the flickering torchlight.

She had been warned that some of Nias royal guards would patrol the inner tunnels on the upper floors, but had thought she’d have a bit more time before encountering them. She needed to move quickly if she was going to escape their grasp.

Gritting her teeth with determination, Clarke pushed herself away from the wall and resumed her climb upward.

The stones were rough beneath her fingers, the edges biting into her skin as she pulled herself higher and higher. She could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins, driving her forward despite the burning ache in her muscles.

Just as she reached the mouth of the tunnel, her heart sank as she heard the unmistakable sound of voices echoing from above.

A group of guards was walking on the upper floor, just as those below her slowly reached the entry points to the upward chute.

Panic started to claw at her mind, but she forced herself to stay focused. There had to be another way out.

Remembering the map Ontari had drawn out for her, Clarke knew the tunnel system had numerous hidden exits every few meters.

She quickly scanned the dark passage, spotting a narrow offshoot to her left. Without hesitation, she squeezed into the smaller tunnel, crawling on hands and knees. The rough stone scraped against her elbows and knees, but she kept moving, driven by the urgency of her situation.

The tunnel sloped upward and twisted sharply, leading Clarke to a small wooden door. She pressed her ear against it, listening for any signs of guards.

Hearing nothing, she slowly pushed the door open and emerged into a narrow courtyard nestled within the castle's outer wall. The night air was cool against her flushed skin.

The courtyard was empty, but she knew it wouldn't stay that way for long. Glancing around frantically, she searched for a way to escape the castle.

Before she could formulate a plan, the sound of shouts filled the air, and she knew that she had been discovered.

She cursed her current inability to call on her powers, as she began to scale the crumbling walls of the castle.

Her fingers found purchase in the rough stone as she climbed higher and higher.

With a cry of alarm, the guard below unleashed a volley of arrows in her direction, the deadly shafts whistling through the air as they sought their target.

Ducking and weaving, while trying not to fall to her death, Clarke narrowly avoided the deadly rain of arrows, her heart pounding in her chest as she continued to climb.

The stones were slick with moisture, and she could feel her grip slipping as she struggled to maintain her hold.

Despite (Or rather because of) the danger, Clarke pressed on, as she finally reached the summit of the mountain.

The old ruins Roan had told her about stretched out before her, their crumbling walls offering little in the way of shelter as she sought refuge from her pursuers.

Before she could catch her breath, the sound of footsteps echoed behind her, and she knew that the guards had followed her to the top.

With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she turned to face her attackers, her hands tightening around the hilt of her swords as she prepared to defend herself.

(Not that she was too hopeful. Her entire body was aching, and - compared to her normal abilities - she was slow and weak).

The first guard lunged at her with his sword, his blade flashing in the moonlight as Clarke barely parried his attack, lacking her practiced ease. As she fought, she could feel the injuries from her previous fight slowing her movements, her muscles protesting with each swing of her sword.

Clarke could feel her strength waning with each passing moment, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she fought to stay on her feet.

It was pure luck that she landed a fatal blow on the last of the three guards after what felt like hours. She turned to run, but as she did, she found more guards coming from the old ruins. With no way to turn, she ran towards the cliffside of the mountain.

Desperation clawed at her chest as she turned to face her attackers, her sword raised in defiance as she prepared to make her final stand.

But even as she braced herself for the inevitable, she couldn't help but feel a sense of bitter irony at the thought of being cut down just as she was on the cusp of freedom.

(So much for escaping after being absolved from the pits. Not being discovered that quickly her ass).

The guards attacked and despite her best efforts, their powerful strikes tore through the blondes defenses. With a sinking feeling in her heart, she stumbled backwards, her back coming up against the edge of the cliff.

She had nowhere left to run.

With a swift and merciless strike, a guard's sword found its mark, the blade piercing through Clarke's side with a sickening crunch.

Agony flared through her body as she stumbled further backwards, her eyes wide with shock as she felt the warm rush of blood seeping from her wound.

The world spun around her. Clarke refused to give in to despair, her hands shaking as she struggled to maintain her grip on her sword, but her sight was narrowing through the black edges of her fading consciousness.

Before she could take another step, the ground gave way beneath her, and Clarke found herself tumbling backwards over the edge of the cliff.

Time seemed to slow as she plummeted through the air, the roar of the river below growing louder with each passing moment.

And then, with a bone-jarring impact, Clarke hit the water with a force that stole the breath from her lungs.

Pain exploded through her body as she was dragged beneath the surface, the churning currents pulling her down into the darkness below.

—————

Nia, who had come up with the guards in pursuit of Clarke, stood at the cliff side where the blonde had just plummeted down, eyes searching for the girl.

In the darkness, she could only make out the churning waters, any sign of the blonde vanished down the river.

„Gather scouts and find her“, Nias voice was harsh.

„Ai kwin, she couldn’t have survived“. Nia knew that, everything in her told her that the blonde had perished to the fall, but she needed certainty. The worst thing that could happen was for Wanheda to somehow survive and make it to Polis alive.

With a growl, Nia lunched at the guard, her knife drawing a small line of blood against his neck. „You question me“ „No, ai kwin“, the guard tried not to stumble over his words. „I’ll get scouts and we will patrol the river, ai kwin“. Nia nodded. „Take at least ten. If you don’t find her body within the next day, I will send out more troops to find her. She will not make it out of Azgeda alive.“

—————

As for Clarke, she felt as though the current of the river was chipping away her skin.

She was bleeding from several places, and her side cried in agony where the sword had gone through her body.

She tried to stay above the river line, gasping for breath as she tore down the river, but her weapons were a heavy weight on her body, pulling her down and her water soaked clothes were doing her no favors.

As Clarke flowed down the turbulent river, she could feel a part of her screaming at her to try harder, but Clarke was so cold and was it really worth it?

As her body got pulled under water again, Clarke didn’t fight it.

And as her breath was taken by water in her lungs and black spots started clouding her vision, Clarke welcomed it.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

As the riots erupted, Roan, Ontari, and Asa were quick to depart from Absol, determined to avoid any pursuit once their absence was discovered. They mounted their steeds and rode towards Skaikru.

Their journey mostly spend in silence as they pondered Clarke's fate. The unknown of whether the blonde had escaped the chaos tormented them, fueling their frustration at being unable to aid her. They couldn't even take comfort in the absence of news about her death, as they rode far quicker than any messenger could spread the news.

"It should only be another day's ride," Roan announced six days later at their campsite. Despite their haste, they had yet to catch up with Skaikru. Which, while frustrating, was to be expected. The guards accompanying them had brought horses, giving the group a faster pace.

Ontari nodded, her gaze fixed on their path further south in worry. Had they taken the customary route, they would likely be crossing into Trikru territory by now. However, with Nia's scouts in the area, they chose to take a detour through the border of the Glowing Forest clan. It would add at least two days to their journey out of Azgeda. Two days where anything could happen, supplied a traitorous part of her mind.

Ontari volunteered to take the first watch as they settled in for the night, their minds consumed with thoughts of Skaikru. They may not be able to be with Clarke, but they would do everything in their power to protect her people.

Had they not known to look for the large group of Skaikru and Azgeda, they might’ve missed them entirely, which was incredibly reassuring to think about. The group rode off-road, weaving through thick trees and bushes. The warriors at the front meticulously cleared a path, while those at the rear diligently concealed their tracks.

The caravan moved in an almost eerie silence, the only sounds being the occasional neigh of a horse and the soft thud of hooves against the forest floor. Every rider alert and watchful for any sign of danger.

As the three caught up with the group, they were immediately met with terse suspicion from Clarke's people. Faces turned, eyes narrowing as the newcomers approached.

They slowed their horses, allowing the warriors at the front to vouch for them. "These are the people we mentioned," one of the Azgeda warriors said, his voice low but carrying an authoritative weight. "They arranged your escape."

Roan, raised a hand in a gesture of peace. "We mean no harm. We're here to assist."

Skaikru seemed to automatically flock around a tall man, who rode close to the front. (Roan wondered if that was the man Clarke had described when talking about her teacher. He seemed to fit the description. His name was- Pike or something?)

Maybe-Pike’s eyes flicked over to the warrior who had spoken, then back to Roan. After a tense moment, he gave a curt nod, causing the other Skaikru to relax.

Once settled, all returned to their positions, and the caravan began to move again, the silence even more pronounced than before.

„Heihefa Roan, general Ontari, Asandra“, the lead of the party greeted them with a nod of her head, still seated on her horse. „It is good to see you well“.

Roan returned the nod in kind „Likewise, Bea“. His eyes scanned the group. Eleven Azgedan guards and 17 Skaikru sat on top of the 18 horses the group had. Most Skaikru were sharing a horse, adults sitting with children to fairly distribute the weight on the animals.

As the party continued their path south, Roan rode beside Bea, asking her to fill him in on the Skaikru.

„We had some issues in the beginning, distrustful members of Skaikru wouldn’t listen or follow our orders“, she explained, „But once they understood that we weren’t harming them and - judging by the changing landscape - leading them out of Azgeda, they became a lot less trouble“, the hesitancy was to be expected, Roan guessed. Clarke had even gone so far to warn them that Skaikru might be outwardly hostile.

They had fallen into the world thinking they were superior, born to inherit the earth. She had told them how stuck up the Skaikru who had landed in Trikru territory were, judging the grounders harshly and feeling superior. 'Savages' was a word Clarke warned them would most definitely be on Skaikrus mind.

(The thought send a pang through Roans heart. Clarke had looked so defeated at her peoples actions, yet unwilling to give up on them. Keryon he missed his little sister).

„Are there any that might become a problem later on?“, he asked after riding in silence for a while. Bea sighed, „There is one, Charles Pike. He is the leader of these Skaikru and very…“, she hesitated, trying to look for a way to put it „Xenophobic?“, Roan offered the word.

His companion sighed again. „Yeah, alright. In the beginning he would barely eat what we offered, made at least one Skaikru keep watch with us because and I quote ‚who knows what these savages will do‘. He got a lot less aggressive after the first two days out here, but I think that’s because we’re keeping them warm and fed. Once we make it to safety, well, I don’t want to be around him should he ever get his hands on a weapon“.

(So his assumption had been right. Charles Pike must be Clarkes teacher in the subject earth skills. How a man who hadn’t ever been to earth was able to teach that subject he had no idea.)

„So keep our weapons away from the Pike man and be kind and helpful for the rest of the way“. Bea scowled, „He should be much more grateful. We haven’t done anything, we’re risking our life to help them escape from Nia“. Roan couldn’t disagree with that.

„Maybe, but there’s nothing we can do. I will not leave him behind, beside the fact that I don’t think Skaikru would continue without him. And we can’t punish him in any way, he’d take that as evidence that his idiotic opinions are right“. And he had promised Clarke that no harm would come to Skaikru. If he couldn’t be with her he’d at least try his goddamn hardest to keep them safe.

That night at camp, the three new arrivals decided to socialize with the Skaikru. It had become very apparent that the two clans tended to be separated from each other and - heeding Clarkes wishes for her people to at least get the chance to get to know grounders before judging them - they decided to bridge the ride between them.

„I’m a healer“, Asa explained to the three people around her. Two kids had told her they liked her braids and the conversation had stirred from there. Pretty soon a woman - her name was Helen - had joined them.

Originally she had been scared what the grounder would teach (or do to) the kids, but as she joined in, Asa had been telling anecdotes about mischief she had gotten up to as a kid - Sneaking through the city while playing warrior with her friends, riding horses where she wasn’t supposed to go - and had quickly gotten involved in the conversation herself.

Nearby Ontari was in a heated discussion with the other three kids and two adults. „No way he’d beat me in a fight!“ Ontari exclaimed proudly. „We grew up together, you know? Roan would always run away. He wanted to be a hunter, not a warrior“.

The kids giggled „Why did he become a warrior then?“ A quick flash of pain crossed Ontaris features, noticed by the adults, who gave her a sad smile.

They knew what it meant to do something because it is the only choice, a lot of the poorer people on the arc had to choose a job based on that principle - and they figured that this must be (if a vastly different context and reason) a similar situation.

„Well“, Ontari put the smile back on her face, „He was supposed to become the leader of Azgeda one day, and to be a leader you need to know how to be a warrior. His mother wanted him to fit his rank and also-“, Ontari hesitated, figuring out how she can explain it without scaring the children „well, she wanted people to be scared of her son. The strongest and most ruthless of all“,

The child next to her co*cked her head, „I thought Azgeda was evil, why is he here?“, the same innocence confusion was mirrored as tense fear on other faces in their little circle.

„Because he didn’t agree with his mother. The queen, as you have probably gotten to see over the past months“, a wry smile crossed her face for a fleeting moment, „is a cruel person. Roan and I we got to feel a lot of that, as she kept us very close. And it’s what taught us how we didn’t want to be. The queen leads through cruelty and fear, but Roan wants to be a just and kind king. In aiding you and Wanheda in your escape, we betrayed the queen, because we think, hope, that Wanheda can be the key for beating Nia and change Azgeda for the better“.

Sebastian, one of the Skaikru adults listening, furrowed his brows. „So our escape is just for power?“ Ontari laughed beside herself, „Keryon, no. It’s for several reasons. I mean to be fair a big part is the power you give Nia. She was about to use your imprisonment to gain Wanheda’s loyalty and that would’ve become very dangerous very quickly. But beyond that, no. Nobody deserves imprisonment in Azgeda, especially not under Nias trusted guards.“ her gaze flicked across the few bruises she can see littering the others bones, faded but still not gone.

She was getting through to them, she could see it in the softening gazes and relaxing shoulders. „So, if we’re such good leverage against Wanheda“, the spirits name sounded foreign coming from Sebastians lips „Who is he?“

„She’s a friend“, Ontari says. „She also fell from the sky, one of the first 100 to come down, and was taken by Nia roughly 8 months ago“, the others seemed vaguely ill at the thought of another one of their people being taken.

„Yeah but who is she?“ “You’d know her as Clarke. Clarke Griffin?“ The blondes name drew an immediate reaction. Clarke had told Ontari that basically everyone on the Arc knew her due to her parents - and helping out in the med bay - so the reaction wasn’t really a surprise. „Clarke?“ Sebastian made sure he heard right, „Blonde hair, blue eyes, wouldn’t injure a bug Clarke?“ Ontari cringed at the last part of the description but agreed. „That’s the one, yes“.

„So she’s so special that she wasn’t brought to us?“, Ontari sighed. She didn't like to tell Skaikru about Clarke without her being present, but the blonde had said it’d be the easiest way to make them at least a bit less suspicious.

„She’s pretty special, yeah. I’m going to assume you don’t know a lot about what was going on with the other Skaikru?“, they shook their heads, „Okay, well than this’ll be much harder to explain. When the 100 first fell, they were supposed to find food and water at Mt Weather“, she started, subsequently giving a (very short and basic) idea of what had been going on.

„The commander just left?“, Lisa, the girl in front of her, shouted in outrage.

This drew some gazes from the surrounding people.

Ontari simply gave a tight nod. „Skaikru wasn’t part of the kongeda - that is the coalition - yet“ to be honest hearing that Skaikru had become the 13th clan had been a huge shock for Ontari, „and her duty was to her people first. But Clarke“, this part was going to be the hardest to explain, „Clarke was left at the mountain, having to figure out a way to safe the people inside. When she got inside, she tried to make a deal with their leader. But he wouldn’t go for it, so driven to walk the ground. He was planning to kill all Skaikru and then use their missiles to bomb our cities, taking the world for themselves. Thousands were going to die“,

eight horrified faces stared at her, more having joined through the course of her explanation. Ontari choked up, and Roan took over in her stead. „Cage - that was their leader - had sent guards to kill Clarke. The rest of Skaikru was either locked away or getting drilled into. Cage had Abby Griffin, her mother,“ the add on was useless, „put on a table for drilling. Clarke warned Cage to stop and let them go. That this could end peacefully with them leaving alive, or with all of the mountain dead.

Without any backup Clarkes only choice was to let the mountain win - and thus let thousands die - or fight the mountain and come out alive. Since one person against a hundred guards with guns and hostages wasn’t in any way an actual fight, she threatened to turn off the filtration systems and flood the mountain with outside air“,

several Skaikru looked like they were bout to wretch. „Well,“ Roans smile didn’t reach his eyes, „You can guess how the rest went. After Clarke saved us all from the mountain, she was known as Wanheda, the commander of death. It is a wildly spread belief“, Roan continued, ignoring the Skaikrus horror, „that killing someone gives you their power. Nias original plan had been to execute Clarke and take her power to overthrow the Commander. But she decided to keep Clarke alive instead, aiming for her to swear loyalty to Nia. As Wanheda, her word carries a lot of weight, and if Wanheda called to arms against the commander, people would gladly follow“

„But Clarke didn’t follow Nia? Even after what that commander did?“ „No. She once told me that while she hated the situation the commander put her in, in that moment, with the information the commander had, it was the best thing for her people. She cannot begrudge that. If there’s one thing she can be sure off it’s that the commander will do what’s best for her people and since Skaikru is now part of them, she will not have to choose between you and hers again.“

That night, the Skaikru who had listened barely slept.

It was several days later that they finally made it into Trikru territory. Some Skaikru members - particularly the children and those adults who had been talking to Roan, Ontari and Asa the first night - had warmed up to their Azgedan counterparts.

Slowly, they began to ride alongside each other, sharing stories and learning about one another's lives. Despite the lack of trust between them, conversations were friendly and connections were starting to form.

The rest of the Skaikru however, was a whole other story. As Bea announced that they had entered Trikru territory, Pike - who had been avoiding the grounders the best he could - was the first to speak up.

„We’ll be back in proper civilization soon then“. It took all of Beas self control not to roll her eyes. „We would be, but like we explained before, we’ll hide out in an underground cave for a while. With Nia looking for you, there will still be too many scouts close to Arkadia to safely enter. Plus we’ll need to go to the capital first. You’re needed to prove that Nia went against the kongeda, as you agreed to do“.

Pike grumbled, clearly wanting to say more. „How long will we be hiding then? I don’t think the scouts to your capital will just get less“, his superiority complex was showing and keryon did Bea want to punch him.

Noting her borderline anger at his attitude, Ontari answered. „A month at most, we’ll be scouting ahead every few days. Nia will not waste her scouts on us outside of Azgeda for long. I imagine she’ll have more important things to focus on.“

„Also“, Roan added, „we shouldn’t go to Polis without Clarke. She said she’ll meet us at the cave within a month and if - and only if - she isn’t with us within the month we should leave for Polis“. Half the Skaikru was relieved to know that Clarke would be with them.

They hadn’t known the girl very well, had even had prejudices painting her as a spoiled princess, but after what the grounders had told them about Clarke, she had inadvertently earned their respect. That did not count for Pikes group however.

„Great, she can stand trial for her crimes then“, Pike grumbled. Ontari spun around to face him, the fury etched onto her face is - if at a lesser extend for most - copied 24 times over. „And which“, Ontaris voice was scarily calm in the face of her wrath „crimes are you talking about exactly?“ Pike wore a smug smirk on his face „From what you said she murdered several hundred people. The punishment for that is - as defined in the exodus charter - death. Guess she turned too savage“, a shout could be heard before blood gushed out of Pikes face.

To everyones surprise - the culprits included by the look on her face - it was Helen who had punched the man. „You don’t deserve to say a thing about what the girl went through, Charles“, the woman hissed. „She committed war crimes!“, Pikes defense didn’t stand as Asa jumped in.

„War crimes? You mean the war crime where she saved all Skaikru children - and by default - all of Skaikru? Or the one where she didn’t have a choice between the genocide of one clan versus them wiping out all 13 clans? Or the one where she killed in self defense? Which one do you mean, Charles kom Skaikru“.

The man gaped at her wordlessly, „there is always a different choice, she just didn’t-„. „You better shut up now, Charles“, Sebastian interrupted this time. „Your ignorant high morals aren’t going to work, not with the decision the girl has been forced into. So shut your mouth if you don’t have anything nice to say. These people saved us and kept us safe, they’re making sure the person responsible for our imprisonment will face consequences. So just shut up.“

The rest of the ride was silent once again.

„You haven’t seen her?“ Roan asked when Ontari entered the cave again, just returning from the latest scouting mission. The month was nearly up and no sign of Clarke anywhere.

Skaikru - once Pike and his group had gotten several verbal smack downs - had offered to wait a while longer, but the Azgedans were hesitant to do so.

Waiting would only give Nia more time and if Clarke hadn’t made it to the cave yet… honestly Roan and Ontari refused to think of the pictures their minds conjured.

„No“, he raven haired warrior replied, „but there are no signs of other Azgedan scouts either. Either Nia doesn’t think us worth it, or she is preoccupied“. Asa, who had been sitting next to Roan at the front of the cave, squeezed his hand „If she’s preoccupied looking for Klarke that means our girl is still alive. She’s tough, I’m sure that she must be hiding out elsewhere. Maybe there were too many scouts in our direction. Don’t give up on her yet“. The siblings shared a heavy look.

They knew Clarke was tough, it’s just that something felt so incredibly off.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

As Clarke slowly drifted back to consciousness, the world around her seemed hazy and disjointed. The sound of rushing water filled her ears, and she could feel the cool touch of damp earth beneath her fingertips. Blinking against the bright sunlight filtering through the trees, she struggled to orient herself, her mind still foggy from the ordeal she had just endured.

"Strikon, you need to wake up!" Wanhedas voice barely registered, before black clouded her mind again.

„-scouts all around, keeping her is dangerous“
„-our duty to protect-„
Clarke was freezing.

„You need some food, goufa; drink up“ Warm thick liquid poured into Clarkes mouth, before her senses went back into nothingness

„-Needs another change of bandages, it’s getting suspicious-“

„-Told them west“, it was so much warmer, „it won’t be long before they search the houses“

„-won’t find this cave, son.“

„-prophecy says-„ Clarke had a splitting headache “shush now, she’s awake. You are alright, dear“. Cool water filled Clarkes mouth, „there you go, now rest some more“ The voice faded again.

Clarke's eyelids fluttered open, the dim light of a cave filtering into her bleary vision. She was aware of a surprising warmth enveloping her, a stark contrast to the freezing cold she remembered before blacking out. Her body felt strangely numb.

She tried to sit up, but her muscles protested weakly. Instead, she settled for letting her eyes adjust to the dimness. A figure moved nearby, busy with some kind of task. As Clarke's eyes focused, she recognized the form as an older woman bustling around the small cave.

The woman turned when she heard a noise from the bunk, noticing Clarke's awakening. "Ah, you're awake!" she exclaimed, a gentle smile spreading across her weathered face. She came over to Clarke and knelt beside her, checking her pulse and examining her eyes. "How are you feeling, dear?" Clarke tried to speak, but her voice came out as a croak. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Where am I?"

The woman patted her hand reassuringly. "You're safe, my dear. I found you at the edge of the river, half frozen and bleeding. My son and I brought you here, to our little cave." "Your son?" Clarke asked, her voice hoarse, alarm bells in her head going off with suspicion. "Where is he?“, the woman reached for a glass beside the bed, offering it to Clarke to drink. "Out hunting," she replied with a nod, when Clarke swallowed the cool liquid. "He'll be so happy to know you're finally awake.“,

Clarke's eyes narrowed. Why had she been brought here? Why was the woman helping her? Why wasn’t she already back with Nia? “Finally awake? How long have I been here?“ She asked instead. The woman sighed softly, her eyes filled with a mixture of relief and concern. "Two weeks. You've been in and out of consciousness. We've been caring for you, keeping you warm and treating your wounds."

Clarke's mind raced. Two weeks. She was still in enemy territory, vulnerable and dependent on the kindness of strangers. She couldn't afford to trust anyone, yet here she was, alive because of these people. 'What are you playing at?', Clarke wanted to ask. Instead: “What’s your name?"

"Call me Elara," the woman said, her smile never wavering. "And my son's name is Finnian. You're safe with us, Wanheda." Clarkes suspicion dialed up at the name and she shot up, ignoring the sudden dizziness. „Why are you calling me that?“ „That’s your title, is it not?“, the woman frowned at her, „At least that’s what the spirits told me“.

Now, it would’ve been hypocritical of Clarke to dismiss the spirits, but she had a really hard time comprehending what was going on. She blamed it on how weightless she felt. „Spirits?“, the woman frowned again, „Spirits. You would know about them.“ She did know about them, that wasn’t the point, but she hadn’t heard of anyone who wasn’t chosen by Fleimheda or Wanheda to communicate with them. Wanheda had mentioned that more existed, often guiding those deeply connected to the spirit realm, but it was said to be so rare that they hadn’t spend much time talking about it at all.

„I can feel them on her, strikon“, Wanheda told her, „So should you for that matter. She’s… connected. She’s telling the truth“.

Clarke's suspicion didn't completely fade, but she felt a flicker of gratitude. "Well, thank you, Elara." Elara nodded, gently placing a reassuring hand on Clarke's arm. "Rest more, my dear. You've been through a lot, and you'll need your strength to fully recover." „Can you- would you explain what’s going on first?“, she requested, hating that she didn’t quite understand. The older woman smiled kindly. „I will explain all in due time, goufa. First, you shall recover“.

Clarke lay back hesitantly, her mind still whirling with questions and doubts, but for the moment, she allowed herself to relax, finding herself trusting Elara's oddly soothing presence.

When Clarke woke up again, she was feeling much better. Her body ached less, and her mind felt clearer. She blinked a few times. The old woman wasn't there anymore, instead a man sat next to her bed. He looked to be around 25 years old, and she figured that he must be Finnian, the old woman son.

Clarke's gaze flicked around the cave, taking in her surroundings in a way she hadn’t managed to before. The cave was small but well-organized, with various herbs and supplies neatly arranged. She gave the man a wary once over, unsure what to make of him. (She hated not having a choice but to trust these strangers, but she still felt so heavy, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t get 5 meters if she tried to run).

„Nice of you to rejoin the land of the living“, Wanheda’s voice echoed in her mind, „You scared the hell out of me when I couldn’t communicate with you anymore. Are you alright?“. Clarke groaned silently, drawing the mans attention to her. „Yeah, I’m feeling better“, she reassured the spirit, before turning her attention to - who she still assumed to be - Finnian.

The man mustered her, and she couldn’t decipher wether his gaze held relief or apprehension. Maybe a bit of both. „It’s good to see you awake“, he greeted her with a small smile. So not apprehension then? She hated not being able to tell.

„It’s good to be awake. How long have I been out?" Clarke asked, her voice still raspy. "Only a few hours since you woke up earlier," he replied, watching her attentively. So the woman - Elara? - had informed him of her waking up. Which reminded her- "Where's Elara?" "She's outside making more medicine. The fumes don't mix well with the cave. She'll be back soon."

Clarke sighed in relief. "Mochof," she relaxed slightly against the furs of the bed. It didn’t stop her eyes from darting to the door, nor did it stop her from noting that she didn’t have any weapons on her, nor was she really able to really feel her body. If he attacked, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to defend herself. It made her uneasy.

„Relax, strikon“, Wanheda soothed her, though Clarke could feel the slight trepidation in the spirits words, „If they had wanted us dead or back with Nia, we would be. For now, they’ve done nothing but safe us“. Clarke agreed with the spirit, though she still tried to search for any weapons inside the cave.

If the man had noticed how she spaced out, he didn’t mention it. "How are you feeling?" he asked. Clarke thought about lying - I’m doing great, thank you for healing me, I’ll be on my way now - but a shove from Wanheda made her relent.

„Much better than before“, she admitted, “Except for some soreness, I’m barely in pain.“, Wanheda gave her a mental shove as she said that, so Clarke sighed. „Well, that and a- I don’t know, burning sensation in my abdomen“, now that she thought about it, she hadn’t felt that until Wanheda pointed it out. But it kind of felt as though a block of ice was woven into her veins where the sword had pierced her. “And I do feel a little light-headed.“

„I’d imagine you do“, the man admitted, „We have barely been able to get any food into your body the past weeks, as you spend most of it unconscious. Added with the trauma your body is still healing from, it hardly comes as a surprise“.

Clarke itched to ask the man a dozen questions, but before she could, Elara entered the cave. Her face lit up when she saw Clarke awake and talking to Finnian. She was holding a pot, which she placed on a small table to the side of the cave. „It’s good to see my patient up again“, she smiled gently at Clarke. Once she had reached her bed side, she put a hand on Clarkes forehead, frowning slightly. „Well, mostly up. Your fever still hasn’t gone down completely I’m afraid“.

Clarke watched dumbfounded, when Elara went back to the pot she’d put down before. The confusion quickly turned into disgust when she watched the woman scoop some thick brownish-looking liquid into a cup and mixed it with other ingredients Clarke couldn't identify. „Drink this" Elara said warmly as she handed the cup to Clarke. "This will help with pain and inflammation."

Clarke looked at the substance thoroughly disgusted. She really didn't want to drink that. „Is this safe?“ she asked Wanheda internally. As much as she knew about medicine, she still had very limited knowledge on the topic of herbs. It’d be ridiculously easy to poison her. (What the older woman would achieve with that she didn’t know. But she hoped it was poison just so she wouldn't have to drink that.) „It’s okay,“ Wanheda reassured her. Damn it.

Clarke took the cup and drank hesitantly, nearly spitting it back out due to the foul taste. „Ugh“, she groaned, barely managing to swallow the disgusting substance. The woman looked at her apologetically. „I know, it’s nasty medicine, but it works wonders," the man promised. Clarke would have to take his word for it. More than the medicine, she mostly found herself confused in how bad of a state she was in in the first place. After two weeks, she should be up and running again. Frankly it should’ve taken barely a week for all of her wounds to have vanished. It was… concerning.

Wanheda answered her before that line of thinking could drive her insane. „After everything that happened, did you expect to just walk away?“. Clarke thought about it. If she was completely human, she would’ve expected the concussion from the pauna alone to leave her unable to do much of anything for at least a month, not counting the injuries she sustained after. But she wasn’t human.

(She tried not to think about how this meant she barely understood her bodies limits anymore. She was a healer, understanding how the body worked was what she had learned since she was a child. Not knowing hers took such a huge part of who she was)

„You’ll be quick to learn where your limits lie, strikon“, Wanheda promised, „You just haven’t had to get used to it yet.“. Clarke pursed her lips. „I’ve had bad injuries before though. Frankly, some fights gave left me with nearly life-threatening ones“, Wanheda hummed in agreement, „but none of those came with the vast amount of injuries you had, nor with the exhaustion.“, they explained, „All the injuries and the overuse of power just built up and your body gave in. Add to that the poison from the knife you have been stabbed with when escaping, nearly drowning and bleeding to death, well. Even with our superior healing your body couldn’t catch up“.

She hadn’t considered that. In fact, she was kind of confused with Wanheda saying they overused their powers, since she couldn’t recall that. But that’s something she could ask about later, instead she focused on the other two again, when she finished the cup. She handed it back to Elara with a slight smile. „Well, thank you for healing me". The older woman patted her hand. „Of course, dear. We did what anyone should’ve done“.

—————

Clarke stayed with Elara and Finnian for another three weeks. While the looming threat of Nia weighed on her mind, these were some of the best weeks she could recall since – well, basically ever.

Elara had barely allowed her out of bed during the first week – much to the amusem*nt of Finnian and Wanheda – insisting that Clarke’s body needed all the rest it could get. The two weeks after, she spent rebuilding the strength that three weeks of inactivity and her injuries had taken from her. At times, she didn’t want to leave them.
If she ignored how worried her Azgedan friends must be, she wasn’t too stressed about leaving. Well, part of her was worried she’d get Elara and Finnian in trouble with her presence, but they kept insisting that Clarke stay. The more days passed without danger, the more Clarke let herself relax and heal.

She had nearly managed to push the closeness to Absol and Nia out of her mind when her luck finally ran out. She and Finnian were outside the cave, preparing medicine, when they spotted some of Nia’s warriors climbing up the hill toward the cave.

„Jok“, Clarke cursed, grabbing Finnian and ducking into the cave. “Elara!” Clarke called urgently, her voice tight with anxiety. Elara looked up from her work, her expression quickly shifting to one of concern. “What’s wrong?” The elder woman asked, standing up. “There’s a gonakru coming up the hill,” Clarkes heart was pounding against her chest.

Elara’s face tightened. “It’s unlikely they know you’re here. They’re probably just scouting the area.” She paused, then added firmly, “Regardless, you need to hide and run. We don’t have much time.” Clarke shook her head. “I can’t leave you two. If something happens to you…”

Wanheda’s voice was a soft whisper in her mind. “She’s right, though. We need to go, Klarke. If anything it’ll be our presence that endangers Finnian and Elara.” „We can fight“, she hissed back. „And risk drawing attention to them? This way, there’s no reason for a fight to break out“

Clarke’s eyes filled with tears. “Once this is over, I’ll come back. I’ll make sure you’re both alright.” She relented.

“We’ll be waiting for you.” Finnian, who had since gone to collect Clarkes things, handed her a sword and small bag, his expression tense. “Stay safe,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “Trust yourself, Klarke. And trust us to stay safe. Don’t stray from your path.” Clarke hugged them both tightly, then stepped back, taking her things from Finnian. “Thank you. For everything.” Elara smiled sadly. “Go now, Klarke. And may the spirits guide you safely.”

With one last, lingering look at the cave and the two people who had become so dear to her, Clarke turned and left in the opposite direction of where the warriors were coming from. She moved quickly, her heart heavy with the fear and sadness of leaving them behind.

Clarke moved swiftly, descending the steep hill with haste. Her clothes snagged on jagged rocks and sharp branches, tearing and cutting into her skin, but she pressed on, driven by the urgent need to put distance between herself and the approaching gona. She stuck close to the mountainside before trekking towards the river, hoping to avoid detection as she hurried away from Absol.

She walked for several hours, her pace quick. The river’s path provided some cover and a clear route to follow. Clarke was keen on trekking through the night, leaving Absol far far behind her. But ss evening approached, her stomach growled with hunger and her limbs ached with exhaustion. The relative peace of mind she had found in the past weeks was all but shattered, and yet again, she found her thoughts trailing off into unwanted territory. Clarke was eerily reminded of her first day away from Arcadia. She felt concern rolling off of the spirit in waves, but she pushed them away. (She didn't deserve the help). She quickly shook the thought off, instead focusing on searching for food and a cave to spend the night.

Spotting a shallow area of the river, she used her sword to spear a fish, before she trekked into the high grassland surrounding the river in search of a place to sleep.

“Look to the left, Klarke. There’s a small opening behind those bushes.” She followed Wanheda’s directions, soon finding a narrow cave entrance obscured by foliage. She pushed through the branches and peered inside, relieved to find a small, dry space. She quickly gathered some wood and built a fire, the warmth a welcome comfort against the chill of the evening air.

The fish grilling over the flames several minutes later, made her mouth water. Keryon she was so hungry.

„Do you think they are alright?“, Clarke asked the spirit while eating. Wanheda sent soothing waves in return. „There was no reason for them to get hurt, strikon. Don’t worry about matters you cannot change. You did a good thing leaving“. Clarke huffed „Wasn’t gonna make the right choice without you there though, was I?“ The spirit sighed. “You are doing a great job, strikon, you’re just still missing experience. It’s not something learned in just over a year. It'll become much easier once we merge, with gaining our experience as your own,” Wanheda’s voice murmured. “Now rest while you can. You’ll need your strength.”

The girl nodded, silently agreeing with the spirit. She finished the fish, savoring the simple meal, and leaned back against the cave wall. Her thoughts drifted to Elara and Finnian, hoping they would remain safe. Wanheda was right, she couldn’t afford to dwell on it too long. Tomorrow would bring new challenges, and she needed to be ready. As the fire crackled softly and the night settled in around her, Clarke allowed herself to close her eyes, letting the warmth and the rhythmic sounds of the forest lull her into a light, cautious sleep.

She woke with a start to the sound of footsteps and voices. Morning light trickled through the cave entrance, casting long shadows on the walls. The fire from the previous night had long since burned out, leaving only cold ashes. The voices grew closer, and Clarke instinctively retreated to the very back of the cave, searching for cover in the shadows of some stones. She pulled the shadows tighter around herself, forcing her breath to even out despite the rising panic in her chest.

Two figures appeared at the entrance. Both carrying swords, though neither looked like they particularly needed them to kill someone. Clarke’s heart pounded in her chest as she watched them approach, praying they wouldn’t find her and force her to kill them. Any trace they wouldn’t have on her was a good one.

"Check the fire," a gruff voice commanded. One of the men - probably younger or at least less experienced as he took orders from the other one - knelt down and touched the cold ashes. "It’s been out for hours. Whoever was here is long gone." Clarke held her breath as their eyes scanned the cave. She pressed herself tighter against the stones, praying the shadows would be enough to keep her hidden.

The younger man walked around the cave, his gaze sweeping dangerously close to where Clarke was hiding. "Doesn't seem to return either," he said. "We should reconvene with the rest. Maybe one of them found Wanheda." Clarke’s heart skipped a beat at the mention of her name. (Stupid, really. It had been rather obvious who they were looking for.) Yet, she could feel the blood drain from her face. How many scouts had Nia send out for her?

The older man seemed doubtful. „After so long I don’t see why we’re even scouting these parts anymore“. Still, he too, scanned the cave for any presence of her. She pulled the shadows even tighter around herself, willing herself into utmost silence. „She has to be somewhere, Monteza. She wouldn’t have made it past the gonakrus at the border“ „That is if she hasn’t somehow managed to make it to the border before us.“ „Let’s hope she didn’t or we have to answer to Kwin Nia. Now let’s move out. I can’t find anything either.“

Clarke waited, every muscle tensed, as the two men left the cave. She counted the seconds, straining to hear their footsteps fade away. Only when she was sure they were gone did she finally let go of the shadows, her breath escaping in a shuddering sigh. She stayed crouched for another few more minutes, her mind racing. How close were the others? How many were sent to the border? The encounter had been much too close for comfort. And so soon after they had searched Ellara and Finnians cave too.

"I can feel you think, Wanheda," Clarke murmured, after a while of sitting in silence. The spirit's response was gentle but resolute. "I think it's time for us to fully merge, strikon."

The warriors breathe caught in her throat. „Why now? Can't we wait a bit longer? I’m not ready yet" Clarke pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. Wanheda had brought up the topic several times in the past, yet Clarke could never get herself to agree. "You can't leave."

„You are ready though, Klarke, you have been for a while now“, the spirit promised, but the blonde vehemently shook her head. „You can’t go, I don’t want to be alone again“, she whimpered. She hadn’t had to be alone for even a second since she’d left Arcadia. The amount of nightmares and panic attacks Wanheda had pulled her out of were immesurable, she didn’t know how to do this without the spirit.

The spirit sighed. „Do you still not understand, do you? You will never be alone. You have Ontari and Roan and once you make it back you’ll have all of your family to back you up. And I’m not gone, strikon, our souls are simply ready to merge completely. We will be one like we were always supposed to be“.

Clarke trembled in fear. „I don’t care. I don't need that, Wanheda. What I need is you here with me and I don't want to - I can't to change. What if they won’t like me because I’m so different after this?“ Wanheda wished she could hold her reincarnation. „You will not change into a whole different person, Klarke. Your soul is still yours, as it always has been. You will still have been born on the arc nearly 19 years ago, you will still have loved and lost and gotten your heart broken. Now you will simply be more experienced, know of the worlds I was only able to tell you about. And I will still exist, there to guide you through your dreams and meditations. I’m not gone, I am you, Klarke“.

The girl hated it. She knew it would happen eventually, she understood it had to, but she wanted to cling to the comfort of Wanhedas wisdom, her gentle words coaxing her through the terrors haunting her at night, her insistent reassurance that Clarke was not a monster. She didn’t want to loose that.

„This is the point where you turn outside for support, strikon. But we need to become one. You are incredibly skilled, but several gonakru at the border? You will not make it out if you cannot look back on my experience without me as an intermediate. Without the final burst of strength and power this will give you. People need you to stay alive, so do what you must to achieve that, strikon“. Clarke wanted to sob. Her spirit was tired, aching at the thought of being all alone until she could find her way to Trikru, until she could find her family again.

And yet, she had to wonder, would she ever see them again if she didn’t fill her full potential?

„You are ready, strikon“. She wasn’t, she didn’t feel like it. But her mind showed her the faces of those she loved, and she couldn’t possibly afford to deny Wanhedas request again. Her people needed her alive.

„Thank you, Wanheda. For everything“, the girl mumbled. „You make it sound like I'll forever be gone. This is not goodbye, strikon. This is a completely new hello“. Wanheda slowly faded to the back of Clarkes consciousness.

A moment later, memories flooded through the blonde. Lives she’d lived but never known, battles she’d never known to have fought, lovers she’d never known to mourn. And as the onslaught of pictures died down, Clarke felt… whole.